Paul Brown
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Paul Brown (b. 14th October 1988) is the drummer for the infamous Biffy Clyro tribute Band The Jaggy Snakes. He is generally considered the best percussionist in the world even defeating his arch nemesis Robert Cranshaw in the drum battle of the Somme.
''Paul als loves the attention and will do anything possible to get people to look at him which is indeed is a tragedy....prick'
'Nick Morris on Paul Brown
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[edit] Music Career
Paul Brown's musical career began at the age of 4 when his parents bought him a Tyco plastic drum set. It wasn't long however before he created outrage by ditching his sponsorship and instead opting to play a set with Fisher Price cymbals. At the age of ten Paul got his big break in the drumming world when at his elder brother's oriental wedding. The drummer playing for the wedding house band had just suffered a heart attack when his heart was attacked by a gang of youths.
Fearing that the wedding was going to be ruined Paul resorted to revealing his alter ego of Spiderman and saved the day using his Spidey Senses to play the drums. This was the first recorded incident in history in which it was brought to the media's attention that Peter Parker had gone on a permanent holiday to Nairobi and Paul had agreed to take his place.
[edit] Ambivolence (when voles are equivocal about being undecided)
Paul's real fame is said to have come when joining the Crud metal/Shitcore band Ambivolence. This band were notorious for their appalling name and their songs were described by the critic Luke Fear as 'dogshite.' This is largely believed to be because of the band's lack of musical knowldege at the time and it is reported that the best album they had was a Disturbed album which Guitarist Will Gallia had stolen off Luke Fear.
[edit] Ronald Reagan's Disco Funeral
Ambivolence were saved when technical genius Huw Crowley agreed to join the band on the condition that they change their name to Ronald Reagan's Disco Funeral. In this period of time the band recorded some 'cracking tunes' including the track 'Kablaah!' which music critic Luke Fear described as the greatest track of all time.'
However despite Huw's technical and musical abilities he unfortunately suffered from a disease known as Pretentious Prick Syndrome and took 100% per cent creative control of the band's music. He notoriously limited Will Gallia's contributing to writing and would repeatedly tell Paul to play quietly. Eventually this caused Will to quit. Paul did not quit however as he is known for being a pushover.
The tension culminated in the band's most infamous and final show in which all of Huw's equipment was destroyed he then sent an arrogant and hilarious text message to the other members of the band blaming it on them and claiming he was quitting the band.
[edit] The Jaggy Snakes
The band saw this as a liberation and even invited former guitarist Will Gallia back to form a Biffy Clyro tribute band. This band is notoriously boring.
[edit] Future Projects
It is rumoured that Paul might be putting together an Electro outfit with Superstar DJ Will Gallia, (who is interestingly not the same Will Gallia as mentioned previously). However many believe that this project will never see the light of day due to Will's reputation for being a 'useless hippy who never gets anything done'.
It is also rumoured that professional redneck Luke Fear (who is related to the music critic of the same name) has asked Paul to form a Clutch tribute act. Paul has apparently expressed little interest in this though and has been described as being 'fucking lazy'.
[edit] Notoriety
Paul Brown is notoriously notorious for being notorious.
[edit] Famous Incidents
One of the most notorious instances in Paul's life is when he treated his best friend Luke Fear (not related to the other Luke Fear's in any way, shape or form) like dirt. Luke and Paul went to supper together (holding hands). Luke gave this speech to Time Magazine:
'I was standing in the queue with Paul and suddenly he started pushing me and ignoring me. He then went and sat down wiith our enemies (The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and didn't talk to me for the whole meal.'
Luke then understandably was forced to punch Paul in the face and the matter was left unsolved for 3 years until Paul came to his senses and apologised for his unacceptable behaviour. Although Luke did forgive him (notoriously), deep down inside he claims to have never really gotten over it and is reportedly emotionally scarred for life.
Let's hope Paul has learnt his lesson.
[edit] Tragedy
In late 2006 after notoriously getting married to his fiancee Olivia and selling their wedding photos to OK! magazine and their Honeymoon photos to Hustler magazine, Paul was hit with the sad news that he had terminal Semi-skimmed Trombone Disorder. His friends are reported to have said 'Oh no How Terrible!' And he smells too!!!
Paul als loves the attention and will do anything possible to get people to look at him which is indeed is a tragedy....prick
