Adolf was born in Hell, now known as New Jersey, to parents Humphrey Bogart and mother R2-D2. At 18, he started school at the Hell Elementary School on Third Street. Two weeks before he graduated from Mission Viejo High School, he converted it into a frozen lemonade stand with Donald Duck plush dolls.
Nazi rise to power
In 1940, he was kidnapped by Charles Lindbergh, who lated sold him as a slave to King Kamehameha of Andorra. Adolf used his strong arm to lift a Buick and crush Kamehameha with it. Hitler changed his name to Paul Pressler and renamed Andorra as Nascaria, and changed the nation's currency to spark plugs. He later stole weapons of mass destruction from stripper Saddam Hussein and bombed Nascaria. He then moved to Anaheim, California in 1995 to take over Disneyland.
He took over Disneyland and closed every ride except "it's a small world" and opened a Wal-Mart in every building in the park. Walt Disney's ghost haunted him nightly at 11:06 PM, so when Paul got sick of it, he threw his bootleg Spinal Tap cassettes at Walt, and Walt left to open a deli in Bakersfield.
Fall of the Disnazi regime
On March 5, 1849 (in today's times, that's yesterday), Paul was about to open Disney's California Adventure, but the lord and saviour Jesus Christ and John Lennon and showed up with AK-47s and shot Paul 21 times in the crotch. Paul bled to death, but the good lord and hippie rocker were too late. The gates to DCA opened, and Disneyland was tainted forever.
A day later, a new President of the Disneyland Resort showed up. His name is Mat Wee-Met, and he closed all the crappy shops in Disneyland and replaced them with their former attractions. The next day, Canada exploded due to drug overdose.
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