“She's always climbing out of Bungalow 8...”
“I'm a fashion model, a journalist, and I'm a tv presenter as well...did I mention my dad's Bob Geldof?”
Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof is a well known (in Britain, anyway) celebrity, sword, daughter of Bob Geldof and Uncyclopedia editor, writing such complex and multi-layered articles such as Peaches Geldof and AAAAAAA!. She is also known for her extravagant corgi-buying lifestyle, and is a friend of Alexa Chung and Daisy Lowe.
Peaches spent long summer days vacationing with her grandfather, Adolf Hitler, in her youth. Her father, Bob Geldof, was making the poor history for most of her childhood, meaning she craved male attention. When Peaches was ten, her alleged mother, Paul Yates, died of a lethal dosage of happy arm injections, bought from a dodgy dealer. This influenced Peaches to decide she would never ever ever take any sort of drug that wasn't absolutely necessary.
Television Career: The Teenage Years
As a teenager, Peaches decided to film a short TV series to commemorate the fact she was a teenager. The show, named Teenage Brine, sent Peaches to a "fishing boat, helping, like, tuna fishermen catch, like, tuna to put in, um, like, tins for people, like, to eat". Peaches encouraged the fishermen and eventually got the chance to catch her own tuna and kill it.
The show was almost as much of a flop as the dead tuna.
Undeterred by this early bombshell, Peaches asked father Bob, handily taking time out from his busy concert and "helping the poor" schedule, to create a show especially for her. He did, and Peaches starred in 'The Aprentice' a year later. In early stages of the show, many online protesters bombarded the BBC website with angry messages: "Fire Peaches!" and, more truthfully, "Kick off that @£^&$£[email protected]&(!". Eventually Sir Alan Sugar made a mistake; abandoning his "you're fired!" catchprase, he yelled, "Peaches, you're a bloody disgrace. You're canned." Peaches thus refused to leave, had a tantrum, and then, when her daddy had her back in their scented limousine, asked him to get her a job as editor of her favourite fashion magazine, Polyester.
Work At "Polyester"
Work? What work?
Love Life and Party Girl status
Peaches always enjoys falling out of clubs in the early hours of the morning, accompanied by friends, sisters or boyfriends. This alone has ostracised her from the rest of London's population, who have jobs. This explains the anger that was directed at her on a daily basis by the English public. However, her recent relocation to Manhattan means that innocent Londoners don't have to see her lying face down on the kerb; this has boosted the capital city's morale no end.
Peaches has had an amazing string of boyfriends for someone so blatent about the fact they are married. Recent conquests have included:
- Fred Lesbian,
- Faris Madman,
- Joe Lean and his Jing, Jang and Jong,
- Noel Fielding,
- Josef Stalin,
- Charles Darwin and
- Your Mom.
Her recently-wed husband, Marxwell Dummey, is said not to know about any of the above, apart from Madman - it has been rumoured the two are friends.
The old fella
Peaches Geldof, do us all a favor and tell your father to go get fucked. He's such a cunt.
|Commonly Mistaken for Fruit|