Pearl Harbor

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“One does not simply walk into Pearl Harbor”

~ Boromir

Pearl Harbor was one of many 2nd World War battles to be based on films. However, critics were dissatisfied by the real events, stating that they strayed to far from the original plot of the film. The film itself was received 5 stars from all reviewers and won 9 Oscars.

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The Film[edit]

Pearl Harbor was the 1st in the series of films that later inspired the events of the 2nd World War. The film starred some of the all-time greats of American cinema; first and foremost Ben Affleck. The mastermind credited with dreaming up the entire operation is Michael Bay, known for his delicate approach to sensitive material and his phobia of the cheeses of Southern France. Michael Bay went on to direct Transformers, a docudrama about the life of butterflies. This project was rejected by the cinema-going audience, who complained about its short length and over-intelligent plot.

Michael Bay was congratulated on Pearl Harbor, for his clever fusion of romantic comedy and war movie. By practically ignoring the horrors of war, Bay managed to avoid detracting from the main events of 1941; the romance between two yokels and a slutty nurse. Other war films such as Saving Private Ryan or Black Hawk Down have been criticized for their disregard for the important role that sex plays in combat.

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The Battle[edit]

Inspired by his favourite film, Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto launched a surprise attack on the American Anal Base at Pearl Harbor. However, due to a low budget his recreation was poorly staged. Instead of the planes, submarines and ships that appear in the film, his troops were forced to attack with foam fingers and sharpened Breadsticks. On the American side the soldiers were sadly too busy trying not to die to sleep with any nurses. Both sides were left with a deep sense of disappointment. Follow up film-inspired battles; the Battle of Britain and Guadalcanal were much more successful.

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Casualties[edit]

American: 8740;

Japanese: 6;

Kenyan: 83;

Tesco: 200,065

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Celery[edit]

Celery is disgusting

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