Pen Island
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“Oh, I've been to Pen Island. Many, many, times.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pen Island and his already questionable sexuality
“hmm... I vacation there”
~ George Michael on Pen Island
Pen Island is the magical land of glorious writing utensils. Many skinny, smooth, ink- filled appendages fill this beautiful oasis of love. It is a mysterious and wonderful place that, like Atlantis, is believed to exist somewhere off the southern part of the western coast of a well known landmass. Well known. Though no mere commoners have been blessed with the pleasure of viewing its inky waters by its golden and perhaps milky-white shores, Nostradumbass predicted that the truth would someday be "unleashed" upon the world. Of course, any idiot could have easily predicted this. He just lived far enough in the past to predict such irrelevances first, and luckily, nobody cares. Since no commoner has ever seen Pen Island, no one knows where Pen Island is. However, it is believed to be located in the Philippenis.
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[edit] History
Founded by its queen, Eric Pentecost, and Eric's consort, Devon Gregory Kittle, who is under the illusion that his uncle invented Skittles (innuendo?) and discovered by a Russian exploration team in late 1972, its location remained known in only the short span of time that those involved lived. The information of its location remained undisclosed, but it may be one of the several islands used for nuke testing by the Communists. This nuclear energy could be what caused the excessive readiness of the pens to "ejaculate" all their ink.
Despite the uncertainty of its location, a small cult of followers known as "The Ones Of The Cummings" has evolved over the past several years. They are reachable at the website 'www.penisland.com'.
The last known attempt to contact "The Way" was made by Geoff Packajpackin. He soon came into the possession of powerful information which ROCKED THE FOUNDATIONS OF OUR VERY SOCIETY!! Or at least it would have, but on the night directly after the day he solved the riddle of life and returned the Jade Monkey to the Temple of the Sun (just in time for the full moon, too), he was involved in a freak accident involving large amounts of liquor, an escaped chimpanzee, and a glock handgun with the registry number scratched off. These occurrences have never been completely explained. Except that one time that they were explained. Ah, good times...
ohh there so smooth, i just wanna rub them up and down
[edit] Volcanic Activities
The Volcano at the end of it erupts every night. I love Pen Island lol
[edit] Geography
The geography of pen island is not well known, as the island is protected by an elaborate government conspiracy. Still, there are the sketchy testimonials of those who knew people who claimed to have seen the island. Or maybe just dreamed it. Wet dreamed, of course, due to the arousing nature of the mysteries of the island.
Most agree that the the southwestern "tip" or "head" of the island, as well as the extended, central "shaft," if you will are dominated by the unique forests of pennish trees, which, by the nature of evolution, mirror the geography of the island itself. However, the more elevated, double-walnut-shaped "base" of the island is mostly made up of round, rocky hills, with a few coarse, curled, penish trees scattered about. The coasts of pen island are often irritated from the constant motion of the ocean, and are therefore usually rocky and raw.
[edit] Controversy
There have been rumors of the island having numerous cases of advanced STI's but this is mostly caused by men not keeping their dick in their pants around all the beautiful women with thier big asses and big tata's.
IT HAS NO RELATION TO PENIS LAND!1! GET IT STRAIGHT OR I'LL CUT YOUR DICK OFF!1!
[edit] Writing and Stuff
See main article: Pen
The pens of pen island are highly useful as writing utensils. Though often outclassed by cheaper and more erasable "pencils," pens will always be preferred by stupid English teachers, if shunned by gay math teachers. Other known uses of the pen include masturbation, suicide (yes you should), and killing that mean kid who messes with you. I know you asked him to stop, but he never hurt you! Why'd you kill him? That poor guy!! Oh well, I never really liked him anyway, and your actions have clearly demonstrated the well known fact that the pen, though not nearly as "mighty" as the sword, is more easily concealed and can be used as a weapon just as effectively. The mushroom and kill almost anything if it see's a woman it goes hard and stiff and a white liquid comes out the end
[edit] Relation to "Penis Land"
This has no relation to penis land. GET A LIFE
[edit] Important Notes
This is not a lot of bullshit. Please believe it.
[edit] External Links
- Pen Island Official Site 1 :)
- Pen Island Official Site 2 :)
- Pen Island Official Site 3 :)
- Pen Island Official MySpace
Only one of these sites is the true path. Choose wisely.
