Penguin Armies of Doom
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“Dude, where's my penguin armies of Doom?”
~ Lord Doom on Penguin Armies of Doom
“iforward!Penguin Armies of Doom”
~ Republic of Canada on its stocks of Penguin Armies of Doom
“Oh God! They're shooting at me! Good Lord, drive-by! Help! Aaaaaargh!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Penguin Army attacks
The Penguin Armies of Doom are armies of penguins that used to be found only in Antarctica, but have since spread all over the world after their succerful conquest of the planet Earth. The are a sub division of the Imperial Penguin Army
[edit] Early Penguin Armies of Doom
The first Penguin Army of Doom was established in Quito, Ecuador in 18th century B.C., and was led by General Penggus Maxximus. General Maxximus was a trilingual, speaking Penguinish, Quecha, and Latin. At first, the small army suffered the pain of enlister deprivation. Soon, Colonel Penggus Minnorus (a rather uneducated penguin who spoke only broken Penguinish) came up with the brilliant idea of advertising, and posted these campaign posters all throughout Ecuador. Unfortunately, these signs were soon retired because the words "of doom" had been extracted, and too many non-evil penguins were enlisting. this resulted in the death of many inocent dolphins, the arch-enemy of most non-evil penguins. dolphins where merciless hunted down, and slayn before the eyes of the family, just to be shot to the moon. One simply can not imagine the horrible pain the dolphins must have been in, whilst there guts where leaving the body, in ways they where not ment to. It must have been horrible, HORRIBLE! And if a dolphin loving person would read this he would most certainly not like it. At all. he would be crying right now, because what happened to the poor litle dolphins was too damn painfull, and, oh, the awfull trauma they must have suffered, must be horible. HORIBLE! OH NOES, HOW THE POOR LIL BASTARDS MUST HAVE SUFFERED!
[edit] Modern Penguin Armies of Doom
Today, Penguin Armies of Doom are only found in Antarctica, as that was the only place where penguins could go and not be ridiculed by society. On some godforsaken rock in Antarctica is the sacred statue of Penggus Maxximus, where all members of the modern Penguin Army of Doom are required to sit in front of and stare blankly at for thirty seconds a year. If a penguin loses its concentration while doing so, it has to waddle eighty miles back to the coastline and try again next season. The PAOD is trying to recreate the lost art of alchemy. so far they have failed horribly, so horribly in fact they are trying to bring back Issac Newton from the dead just so he can tell them alchemy fails and thay can kill him.
[edit] Leaders Of The Penquin Armies
The Penquins have two distinct leaders and a number of various "Super-Penquins" (Captain Penquin, WolverPenquin, BatPenquin, CatPenquin, PenquinPenquin etc.) but these are basically Penquin versions of other Superhero's. The proper Leader's are Mr. Flibble and Feather's McGraw.
[edit] Feathers McGraw
One of Satan's men, Feathers is currently undergoing peace talk with America. These ended last week with Feathers going into hand to hand combat with Barrack Obama. Feathers got out by the skin of his beak but did give President Obama a nasty nick. Feathers is currently organising his armies in the South and North Pole's but he sends regular ICBM missiles to various parts of the globe in an attempt to scare other countries.
[edit] Mr. Flibble
(See also: Red Dwarf: Qurantine) Don't be fooled by the fact that he looks like a glove puppet, Mr. Flibble was born out of a virus that infected humans and used thier mad cadavers as henchmen who had HEX VISION. Most notable of these is Hologram, Arnold Rimmer, who, while under the influence of Mr. Flibble, donned a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots. Mr. Flibble's other famous host's include George III, William The Conqueror, Jack The Ripper and Julius Ceasar (although some speculate that Paul McCartney's cadaver is currently under the influence of Mr. Flibble.
[edit] Invasion and conquest of Earth
In 2020, Ultimate Overlord Penguin gathered together the Penguin Armies of Doom and became the general of the entire Army. Touring all over Antarctica, the UOP made many vigorous speeches across the frozen continent, saying that the entire planet of Earth will have to be conquered by the penguins. Willy on Wheels, leading his military penguin followers on marches all over Antarctica, shouted, "Deodorants are made of white chocolate!" while wearing ladies' underpants on his head. The penguins have hailed him as the most heroic penguin ever alive. However, there was a growing anti-Willy movement called the Penguins' Liberation Army (PLA), which highly suspects that Willy on Wheels may not be a heroic penguin general, but rather an ugly, cowardly elephant in disguise.
In 2025, Willy on Wheels and his force of 6 million penguins arrived on the South American continent and raided Rio de Janeiro, a large city in Brazil consisting exclusively of anti-penguin humans. As the drums rolled, and as shouts of "Deodorants are made of white chocolate!" grew louder, the penguins stampeded everywhere, onto Copacabana Beach, into the stores, into the run-down favela slums, and straight into people's residences. Willy and his gang of avian hoodlums, looted the whole city and went on to their next destination. Their next destination would be Washington DC.
[edit] 2026 Onwards
In 2026, Ultimate Overlord Penguin, followed by penguins and even more followers (consisting of parrots, anacondas, caymans, sloths, and coconut trees from the Amazons), raided the White House and surprised George W. Bush in the middle of his sleeptalking. As hordes of penguins and tropical animals and trees carried George W. Bush outside and dumped him into a drainage ditch, Bush was heard screaming , "I've had it enough. Deodorants are not made of white chocolate! Deodorants are made of dark chocolate!" And so the penguin forces continued.
By 2030, Ultimate Overlord Penguin and the Penguin Armies of Doom succeeded in conquering every nook and cranny of the planet Earth. Ever since the year 2030, which the penguins now revere as the "Holy Year of Conquest," penguins all over the world gather rally together and shout enthusiastically, "Deodorants are made of white chocolate!"
[edit] Do Penguin Armies of Doom Attack People?
Yes. They're raiding my house of all underwear as we speak! Why doesn't Mr. Maudling do something before it's too late?!
[edit] Resistance
Some penguins have teamed up with spartans and will stop any sinful (or shitful) penguins, though now they're hunting MasacoX and that Vegeta dude (and the rest of the naruto abridged cast) and will kill them for dissing one piece (of shit, and One Piece) It is also noted that they have formed an alliance with Anime Flaggers on Youtube to start a revolution against the worlds Anime fanbase.
[edit] Weapons
The Peguin Armies of Doom are equipped with a wide variety of surprisingly effective weaponry. To mention just a few:
- Lasers. Zap!
- Pneumatic Goat Launchers. Whoooop!
- Sandpaper
- Linux Distributions
- Berreta
- Bowie Knife
- Hex Vision (Mr. Flibble Possessed)
- Spork
- RPG
- OFJ
- Jew cannons-ouch!
- Double Sabre
- Phychological Weapons (your momma jokes)
- They can also peck your eyes out
- They enjoy eating your intestines which gives them superhuman strength to overcome any challenge. PLATE YOUR INTESTINES WITH PURE TITANIUM TO STOP THE DOOM! or you could just carry your own Pneumatic Goat Launcher around with you and pawn them all
- Holographic Porn Distractions ( you get the picture)
[edit] Elephant Armies of Doom
In 2035, elephants in Africa staged a riot against the Penguin Armies of Doom. However, the penguins easily scared the elephants with packs of hairy mice. The elephants were so scared that they were seen spraying their pee up to a distance of 132 miles. Although the elephant rioters were successfully scared off, the new penguin residencies in Africa were unfortunately soaked with bad-smelling elephant urine; thus, the penguins were forced to move into underground caves with some surviving species of Homo erectus cave men because they simply couldn't bear the smell of pee for even 1/1,000,000 of a second.
[edit] Dolphin slaughtery and annihilation
Whilst reading "Early Penguin Armies of Doom", you must have been wondering, why, oh why, penguins hate dolphins so much. And that is exactly the question! the answer? We don't know, and can only give forth our suspicions. The most accepted theory is the "CIA - Circle Innane Aquatics" theory, which is based on the fact that penguins and dolphins live in the same waters. Also the fact that dolphins are far more adored, whilst not being half as cute as penguins are. On the other hand, the great war that has been raging between penguins and dolphins since 8263 B.C. might also cause some inconveniences.
