Penguin Empire

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for gay?
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for retarded?
Penguin Empire
People's Republic of the Ocean
The promised land
Penguinflag.jpg Penguincoatofarms.jpg
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "¿Que te gustaria hacer?"
Anthem: Junkhead by Alice In Chains
Capital Puerto Rico
Largest city Philadelphia
Official language(s) Serbian, Olde English
Government Communism
National Hero(es) Ben Stein, Oscar Wilde,Mark Twain
 of Independence
1967 from Singapore
Currency Pennies, Hay pennies
Religion Scientology
Population Over 90 million (penguins) citizens

“Penguins? Seriously?. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Penguin Empire

“They aint no romans. ”

~ Julius Caesar on the Penguin Empire

“They are penguins.”

~ Captain Obvious on the Penguin Empire

The Beginning[edit]

The origins of the Penguin Empire can be dated back to the year 1337 AD as a colony of Empire of Antarctica. Artifacts of the Penguin Empire were first unearthed off the southern coasts of Space by the late Jerry Seinfeld. Further research done by NAMBLA discovered that they did not look like Marlon Brando. In fact, they did not look like the Penguin either. Their physical appearance resembled that of wild penguins. That in nature the penguinians are curious creatures like Tom Cruise. Like Tom Cruise also, they are very intergetic and insecure.

Singapore Invasion[edit]

Singapore first invaded in the year 800 BC, making the denizens their slaves. During their enslavement, the Singaporeans made the penguins construct vast churches dedicated to the Scientology god Xenu. The Singaporeans also made the penguins convert to Scientology, making them buy their fan fiction, and watch Scientology television. In the year 1607, the penguins rebelled against the Singaporeans. The resulting conflict started the American Civil War. After gaining their independence from the Singaporeans, the penguins celebrated by drinking their favorite past time drinking Orange Juice.

World War I[edit]

The empire had became an industrialized nation during the late 19th century. It had officially allied Serbia in 1903. It is also believed that the Serbians who had assassinated the Franz Ferdinand were trained in penguin military tactics and strategies.

Mobilization of the Penguin forces.

After the Archduke's death, the empire joined forces with Serbia's other allies, Mexico, the Mafia, and the Harlem Globetrotters. The Axis consisted of Germany, Nazi Germany, the Ukraine, Uruguay, and Portugal. One major battle was fought in West Philadelphia, leading the Serbian alliance was the legend himself, against the Axis leader Dick Cheney. Darth Cheney possessed a vast army of Demons and Lesbians to combat Sir Hancock. Sir Hancock did not have that many resources to work with, he assembled a small battalion of armed penguinians, and basketball players to fend off the axis forces. Sir Hancock was losing troop fast, and Darth Cheney had reinforcements coming from Croatia. Sir Hancock had also received news that Mexico was sending it's troop of exotic dancers and the TBU (Taco Brigade Unit) to aid the Serbians against Darth Cheney. They arrived and crushed the homo-demonic army of Darth Cheney. Darth Cheney was forced into exile in the American southwest. The serbians and their allies had conquered the Nazis and signed the Treaty of Versailles in 1945 in France.

World War II[edit]

Darth Cheney's first cousin Hitler was very mad about the Battle of West Philadelphia, especially the at the Jews enlisted on the axis, mainly because they were too busy balancing their checkbooks. When the first war ended in 1939, Hitler sent an ambassador to the Penguin Empire to negotiate an alliance treaty. The negotiation failed. The Empire conquered the eastern half of Germany and gave it to the CCCP.

“Thank you capitalist penguins.”

~ Josef Stalin on the Penguin Empire after WW2

Bay of Pigs[edit]

During the 1960s, Griffin the Penguin attempted to capture Fidel Castro but was captured along with his penguin strike team. Griffin escaped by using his powers of disguise, a penny, and a broken cigarette. He also helped avert the Cuban Missile Crisis. His story is immortalized in the Oscar winning Coleman Francis epic Red Zone Cuba.