Pennywise

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“They float...”

~ Pennywise on his nuts


Biography[edit]

Pennywise is often considered the most shit scary being in the universe, next to Chuck Norris and Mr T. he is most noted for setting up the "Cult of Pedo" not to be confused with the "Cult of Speedo" which was started by a 15 year old boy named Kenneth Wiggins in the early 1960's.

Pennywise is the most important character in the novel At, excluding the roughly 15+ other main focal characters. He appears in various forms throughout the novel, though the most infamous and common one is that of an extremely unfunny clown. As no one's particularly fond of boring jesters, this concept is inherently frightening, especially as he appears mostly during the summer months (What? Summer is scary).

What is this gravity you speak of?

He came to Earth "in himself", he decided to come here because in his real form he is a man-eating spider, other than being told the same joke about being 'shocking' he didn't get up to much with his other luminescent buddies. He sought a somewhat reclusive lifestyle where he could eat the children of some race in peace, where he wouldn't be persecuted and 'turned off' and decided to go somewhere, a place so insignificant that nobody would ever notice what was going on, Maine.

Pennywisealb.jpg

Pennywise starring in zero wing

Transformations[edit]

Pennywise is Its alter ego that was spawned when the Joker, being still a clumsy fool, fell into another vat of something or other, that is when Pennywise was born. His other form, a giant Spider named Bobby, was formed when he was bitten by a radioactive spider, quite like ol' Spidey except he can only shoot web out of one part of his body and while he uses his hands (and other peoples) the web comes out elsewhere...we won't say where. Use your perverted imagination.

Other forms include:

  • A werewolf with severe worms, he scars victims by dragging his ass across clean carpets!
  • A giant bird named, somewhat ironically, Big Bird
  • A car/helicopter/gun with a big red sword
  • The moon (what a gay transformation!)
  • Anything you fear! (except something that can't die, silly Pennywise)
  • The squadillah!! man
  • Himself
  • Super Mega Death Christ 2000 BC

Love Life[edit]

Pennywise found love with the dead bodies he 'collected' over the years, this is the only possible explanation of how he/she/'it' got pregnant. Obviously things that are cold and lifeless turn him on, this probably explains his interest in Hillary Clinton. Pennywise had a few brief flings with the bodies until he found one George 'Georgie' Denbrough, tore off his arm and used it for making a huge ass web in his room. The arm was suitable because it was both cold AND lifeless, so filled BOTH of Pennywise's hard to meet standards. He and the arm had a casual relationship until one day Pennywise mistook the arm for someone else's, the frustrated arm then left and became a successful windscreen wiper, actor (Addam's family) and prostitute.

The Losers[edit]

As mentioned there were a 'damn few too much' characters in the story, the other eighteen being attributed to the 'Losers.' The Losers, as the name suggests, are the coolest of the cool. Starting out as an all-black gang they decided to reach a wider community, mainly allowing white people in. The group was originally formed by Black Jesus in 300 B.C. (an interesting time for the third and only Christ) and was in league with the Council of Nine during the great 'Black Power' episode (Season 1, Episode 17: Black Power Brutha!)

Death[edit]

We will never grow up "Because I'm Peter Pan! Yes I'm Peter Pan! Shimona! Sing with me children! A-hee-hee owwwhhhh!

Pennywise was defeated by some adults who had to believe they 'would never grow up' and was dispatched after being bitten on the tongue (sexy!!), flung across space, talked to by a turtle (as you do), and then being torn apart by the 'Losers' bare hands. This obviously was not a very nice experience and Pennywise was not happy, not happy at all! Having a physical (very physical according to the hand) body he was able to be killed. Maybe coming to Earth wasn't such a great idea after all!