People Are Not Dead (film)

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Directed by The Ghost of Stanley Kubric
Written by The Diddler
Starring The Diddler
Produced by Gene Simmons
Distributed by Miramax
Release date 13 Intensity, 2027 (premiere)
Runtime 137 min.
Language English
Budget $10
IMDb page

PEOPLE ARE NOT DEAD is a neo-classical zombie horror movie starring the galaxy's premier college age guitar playing duo, TheDiddler and Enema. The film has been adapted from thoughtcrime, committed in October of 2005.

The film has been predicted to open on the 13th of Intensity of 2027 to rave reviews by Mr. T. To date, the script has not yet been written, but when it is, it will be absolutely killer. Mr. T foretells that the movie will be directed by the ghost of Stanley Kubric, who will communicate to the actors and staff via an inanimate can of peas bought from Costco. Mr T. also prometheizes that Thor, the God of lightening, will strike down every person who does not spell out the title of the movie in all caps. To date, Thor has smote twelve infidels for libel against PEOPLE ARE NOT DEAD.


All details about PEOPLE ARE NOT DEAD have arisen from secondary or unreliable sources:

  • Mr. T attributes his visions concerning the blockbuster to Jesus, Thor, or heroine, depending on the day of the week.
  • Enema refuses to discuss the premise, as it would violate the rules of spacetime.
  • TheDiddler has recently been encarcerated for thoughtcrime. He is expected to return to society a better member of the party.

The following facts have been ascertained, from correspondence (which don't violate the rules of spacetime) between Enema and TheDiddler:


  • The movie will concern itself with two characters, who, during the entire movie, will remain nameless for dramatic themes that are as of yet unknown. It is for this reason that the author of this entry, the writers, and Mr. T referred to these characters of Nonchelaunt Guy and Flu Dude.
  • Nonchelaunt Guy and Flu Dude are flatmates.
  • The plot of the movie centers around the plight of Nonchelaunt Guy andn Flu Dude in a world infested with malicious, brain eating zombies.
  • No cats play any significant role in the movie.
  • There are at least five pairs of exposed breasts. It is unclear as to whether they are on zombies or not, whether they actually come in pairs or are just 10 exposed breasts total.
  • All of the zombies in this film will be played by the corpse of Dennis Miller, which will be hoisted up on cables, and surgically altered in some scenes to appear sexy (kind of) and womanly. This is to induce extreme vomiting, which the director thinks is funny.


Mr. T has made a number of prophecies concerning the movie and the socio-cultural effects it will have on America, of which there are numerous and many varied.

  • At the premier of the film, both TheDiddler and Enema will be there, but protected by a band of Pirates lead by the Zombie Pope to fend of attacks from Ninjas, who are constantly trying to kill the guitar toting duo.
  • At the opening party, David Hastlehoff will attempt to take off his breeches. He will be immediately stopped by pirates.
  • Jessica Alba will attempt to take off her breeches, too. Nobody will stop her, and the Universe will happy.
  • The brain of author Kurt Vonnegute, Jr., backed up onto a supercomputer, will be in attendence. In a sick joke, he gives the film '111101110110101110110110'.
  • Thor will make an apperance.
  • After the movie premiers, the realism and circumstance will shock American culture into a state of semi-panic. When it is realized that the government does not have a Zombie Preparedness Program (ZPP), the President will resign to pre-empt impeachment.
    • In Canada, when the Commission for Zombie Preparedness proposes a thirty billion dollar program of reforms, riots break out in Ottawa.
    • When the French government is asked what plan the government has to fend off zombies, the President snidely remarks, "Capitulate. What else?" without disillusion.


Speculating on why the government would be so interested in the writtings of TheDiddler and Enema, and why their actions would result in the subsequent encarceration of TheDiddler, rumors have flown out of Hollywood like shares of [Hot Cakes preferred]].

  • TheDiddler and Enema will speculate on the stock market, growing the quoted $10 budget to multimillions. In doing so, they will attempt a hostile takeover of all the major studios in Hollywood. Such action will bust the top off of the existing mob rackets controlling the Actors and Directors Guild
  • TheDiddler and Enema will produce a film so acute to true, top secret circumstance, that the government cannot risk such fiction imitating reality.
  • TheDiddler and Enema are rogue agents of the ThoughtPolice, motivated to incite panic in the population to usher in a new era of police control.
  • All the titties in the movie will be on zombies.