Peoplewatching began in the early years of 600 B.C. and is still used as a common activity today. Peoplewatching reffers to the act of taking joy or enjoyment in sitting in a crowded place such as a London bus stop, New York department store, or the Detroit car companies and making fun of various, yet hilarious, types of people. Peoplewatching can also be refered to as stalking but is more accepted by the general public. Anyone can peoplewatch, but it is illegal in 45 countries including Nevada.
How to peoplewatch
So, you've come here to learn how to peoplewatch. This means one of two things.
1. you're bored and forgot how to jack off
2.you're senile and your bitch ain't puttin' out
but that's okay. All you need to do is be able to see, and be able to stand still... lets begin.WARNING! peoplewatching can be very dangerous and Should only be attempted if you are high,drunk,perverted [aren't we all?] or sick of sitting around in front of the computer reading this
Step 1: Becoming the Observer and not the observee
In order to become an observer, you have to maintain a "normal" or seemingly normal style. So, what not to wear or be?
- 1. a gorilla suit and various other costumes. This could make you the victims er um, "people" being watched instead of the peoplewatcher.
- 2. gothic or emo apparel. Goths are stared at by old and young people alike. whether it be hate, admiration, or fear of being eaten by evil teenagers, you will not go un-noticed (which isn't really what those stupid losers want) but in this case, getting noticed is bad.
- 3. hang around with a large group of friends. They can be noisy and possibly drunk, which will make you noticed, and possibly embarrassed .
Once you are completely normal looking and quiet, you may move on to step number two (tee-hee).
Step 2: Finding Your Habitat
When finding a place to stakeout, keep two important things in mind. What kind of person you are planning on watching and if you are comfortable. For example, if you are planning on watching vegetarians, you wouldn't go to a steakhouse. Just as if you were planning on watching excessive meat eaters / football players, you wouldn't go to a hipster cafe that sells tasteless coffee and organic whole-grain muffins. Also making sure you are comfortable is very important. You wouldn't want to sit in a garbage can or bush for hours in an uncomfortable. remember: peoplewatching is not stalking, so you can easily sit in public and watch people. Once you have found your proper place and placement, you may progress to step number three.
Step 3: Accestorizing
No, not finding what earrings match your blouse. Accessorizing in this instance refers to a disguise or distraction which will make it seem like whoever you are watching doesn't notice you are watching them. This can be anything from a cell phone to a baby toy. As long as it seems like you are occupied. This is an important step because when the 500, 000 pound monstrosity of a muscle-man realizes you're looking at him, your in for it. If you have a newspaper, you can easily look down at the paper and say you were so engrossed in reading about the new discovery they made about grapes you couldn't have possibly been staring at him. After you have completed these three steps, you are officially a professional peoplewatcher. Stalkers are also known werdies.
Who Not To Peoplewatch
- 1. Your parents. Its weird
- 2. Attractive young females. They have sensors so they can tell when creeps are watching them
- 3. Other peoplewatchers. Then it turns into a staring contest
- 4. Dead people. they're just no fun
- 5. Mannequins. When you realize they're actually watching you, you're an official paranoid schizophrenic
- 6. Children. Then you're a paedophile