Pepper Spray
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“Just one squirt and you're south of the border. Mmmm incapacitating!”
~ Homer Simpson on Pepper Spray
Developed by Mexicans (in Mexico) to add flavour to their bland food, pepper spray has become the best selling condiment in the world. Delicious on beast or vegetable, people all around the world can't get enough of a good dose of everyone's favourite spray. But pepper spray is more than just a tasty treat! It is also a powerful aphrodisiac, sensual body spray and a wash out hair dye.
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[edit] Types of Pepper Spray
- Green Pepper - Low carb option
- Red Pepper - Extra sensual
- Dr Pepper - Magical healing properties
- Mountain breeze - leaves your breath minty fresh
- Red Hot Chilli Pepper- fly away on my zephyr
- Black Pepper- fo' shizzle
[edit] Pepper Spray as an Aphrodisiac
For millennia, pepper spray has been a popular aphrodisiac in large parts of Uzbekistan, having been imported by a Mexican immigrant working as a gardener for Uzbeki president, John Klabrkznaoaoaoaoaoaoaoprock. It became popular in other parts of the world when Usenet was developed in 1865, and because of the work of commercial Uzbeki pigeon herders equipping their pigeons with a large advertisement billboards containing free samples of liquid pepper spray. Because of the notoriously bad stamina of Uzbeki pigeons, pepper spray gained the most popularity in the neighbouring city-states of Italy and Lichtenstein. Do not hold against Zwatty's because he will make fun of it because he has a grudge against sumo wrestlers.
[edit] The Ozone
The reason Al Gore got his wife to make out with him a the Democratic primary is because pepper spray is such a powerful aphrodisiac that it can make a stuffy politician seem like a sex macine--an environmentally friendly, catalytic converter-equipped, mother nature groping SEX machine (sex!)
Pepper spray is not only safe for the ozone--because it's natural--but it makes the friendly skies extra friendly. A little TOO friendly. American Bald Eagles have gone off the endangered species list due to the increased humping they do now that fumes from pepper spray blow in the breeze like amber waves of grain.
[edit] Sgt. Pepper's First Line of Defense
Infamous boy band The Beatles worked temporarily as soldiers of fortune for the British army. Like British police officers, they were not armed with guns. Rather, they locked and loaded 5 canisters each of standard-issue industrial strength pepper spray. These were so powerful that they eventually caused the Beatles' break up, as well as Lady Di's car-crash (not during the same year).
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