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One of many people. Notice this one is cross-eyed.

People are evil.They are only more advanced versions of sheep pigs and dogs and smell even worse. Fear people. They are known to eat oranges. People are everywhere these days, as they constitute the final phase of the STD "Pregnancy". Their prevalence in history is rarely notated, so we're going to drop some knowledge, old school style.

“You've got people on the tube, walking on the moon. People at the bottom of the sea. People in tombs. People in igloos. Even a tribe of pygmies”

~ Adrian Belew on people


Sexiest Man Alive, 1992.

People are the descendants of the middlemen (the hairdressers, tired TV producers, insurance salesmen, personnel officers, security guards, public relations executives, management consultants, telephone sanitizers, etc.) of the Golgafrinchan's society. They were shipped off to crash-land on a random planet (which just so happened to be the Earth) in order to get rid of an entire useless third of the population. The Golgafrinchans who were left (the leaders, the scientists, and all of the people who actually did any work) were later killed off by a rampant and deadly virus that was contracted form a dirty telephone. The Golgafrinchans who survived the crash-landing on Earth quickly replaced the dominant species there at the time (Homo erectus) and went on to become people. Many of the historical researchers who know this believe that it explains a lot more than it probably should. Of course, due to the obscene randomness of the Universe and everything held within, absolutely everything else in this article, however contradictory to this segment, is absolutely true.

Since their evolution, people have been doing pretty amazing things: killing each other and blaming clubs, electing Bush (TWICE), killing each other and blaming spears, making world wars (TWICE), killing each other and blaming swords, making "Charlie and the chocolate factory" movies (TWICE), killing each other and blaming firearms, nuking a Japanese city (TWICE) and killing each other and blaming nukes. This was not good.

People Live Here


It is a common myth that people are consisted of organic parts. This is entirely untrue; whoever told you this should be kicked square in the nuts. For real. You should do it. The truth is that people are actually robots made of foam. You don't believe me? I guess you wouldn't. You're in the matrix.

Cquote1.png People are made up of two molecules added together: PEO + PLE → People, this process can be reversed to its earlier state of homosexuality. Cquote2.png

Additionally, sex reassignment surgery is a popular and highly regarded form of irreversible anatomical transformation, especially amongst the bored and corpulent masses of North America. Yes.

General anatomy is shown in the interior penal core. People are actually high-tech robots that look like people. They were created with super sperm and cock metals. Thus fused together to make a cumbot, which is also known as people.

You know what sucks? Most people. They stick their nose into your life and tell you it sucks as if you didn't already know. I say we shoot them, rip off shoes and socks, hang them by their ankles, force them to listen to Green Day while whipping their feet with wet noodles, the then drown them in Tabasco sauce. I'm hungry and if you read this, you're hungry too. Now go eat.

Butts, boobs, and dongs are the funniest people body parts that have a tendency to be removed by psychopaths. Vaginas are not funny in any capacity, ever.

Did you know?[edit]

  • Furries, bizzare as they are, still count as people.
  • They have feet which consist of toes
  • People come in a variety of colors.
  • Everyone is created equal (depending on where they were born).
  • Communism is the political system for "COOL" people.
  • Adult People make up lies for their kid people, such as the "Easter Bunny" and "Santa"
  • They have days called "Holidays" just as an excuse to stop working. Lazy bums.
  • People treat their planet the way they want, such as the polluting and the gas prices and the Teletubbies! People will eventually cause the extinction of their own pathetic race in the Earth Year 2008 AD...and here we are, in Earth Year 2010AD. Just goes to show our intelligence.
  • Aliens think that humans are inferior, and that's because we are. Aliens, known as Grebulons, from across the galaxy watch humans via hacking into their satellites from the tenth planet in the solar system of Sol (if you don't know, this is the solar system that we reside in.), which they call Rupert. They then record the things we do, make a collab, dub it Earthling's Dumbest Videos and send it to alien televisions across the galaxy, where it's hosted by Tom Cruise and displayed to aliens. Then they laugh at us from (239,467,848,484.574 times pi) miles away, and with good reason. Aliens alienated humans long back due to their bad habits, which we should get rid of, in order to not be the laughing stock of the galaxy.

Frequent Uses of people to animals, Aliens, and Evil Robots[edit]

A frequent use of people.
  1. Snacks: Snacks are things people eat, and get fat from, and die. People are considered a delicacy in some cultures. The worlds 3rd best selling snack food even happens to be made of People! So enjoy a healthy steaming bowl of People! (Though Soylent Green is people, people are not necessarily Soylent Green.)
  2. Recreation: People are frequently used for recreation. Many locations allow you to rent people for a few hours at a time. Typically, pro creative actions ensue, and the upshot is that you feel a whole shitload better afterwards. You should totally try it sometime.
  3. Production: Nearly 42% of all commercial goods bought, sold, refined or manufactured are produced by People. (For economic reasons, all production is limited to China nowadays)
  4. Stress Relief: If you are feeling stressed, try killing People. It has been shown to be a profoundly calming activity. If you have already killed several people and still feel stress, maybe the problem is with you. You should try killing yourself. This will end all your problems, 100% guaranteed.
  5. Protection from the Elements: Let us say that you are walking on a street, and you find a mud puddle impedes your progress. Knowing that mud is icky, you wouldn't want any to get on you, you'd be contaminated. Thus, to protect yourself from the icky mud, grab some People and throw them into the mud puddle. Surprise! Instant bridge! Now you can safely cross over your People Bridge without getting any icky mud on you!
  6. Protection from your Enemies: Maybe you have enemies who want to do to you bodily harm. Surrounding yourself with enough People will provide a layer of protection capable of stopping even the most tenacious assassin from shooting you in the face
  7. Fuel: People are viable and renewable energy resource that can be harvested directly.
  8. Entertainment: People are also used in things called movies, which are sent to magic boxes for viewing people doing ignorant things. Don't be fooled though, the more attractive people are just latex with a magic box controlling their actions through a number slab called a keyboard.

Everything else[edit]

  • Theory #10: There are exactly five types of people in the universe: elephants, those who can count, and those who can't.
  • Theory #2: There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary numbers and those who don't.
  • Theory #3: You are stupid. Wait, that's not a theory, that's a fact. Hahahahahahahhahahhah.
  • Theory #4: Most People are like slinkies. Not very useful, but friggin hilarious to watch when you push them down the stairs.
  • Theory #5: The following sentence is true.
  • Theory #6: The previous sentence is false.
  • Theory #7: If you are reading this then you clearly have no life. I strongly suggest that you go home a re-evaluate your situation for it is probably much worse than you think it is. Plus all humans are innately inferior to me because I am more than a human...I'm the freakin man! Haha, living person!
  • Theory #8: All the previous theories are true.

In general, people are stupid. Very stupid. I mean, mind numbingly stupid. The stupid joke that appears just above this is a perfect example of the sheer stupidity of people. This is not to say that it is bad that people are stupid - after all, if it weren't for the stupidity of people they'd never be dumb enough to call down the wrath of the ninja, and we'd all miss out on some great ninja ass-kicking stories.

Pretty much the only good thing about people is sometimes they turn into zombies. In such an event, they can make more mindless idiotic drones into mindless drones (zombies) and so any zombie outbreaks should be generally ignored until enough of a plot has developed and so a movie can be made.

It is also commonly unknown that some people aren't people. This is because they aren't actually people, or are a figment of our collective unconsciousness, or are playing pretend with the neighborhood girls.

Oh, well, maybe some other stuff some dude wrote about in a book somewhere. I dunno. Get off my dick.

Famous Quotes on People[edit]

“People are strange - period.”

~ Jim Morrison on People

“People are like potatoes;if you eat them they die.”

~ W.C. Fields on people

“There are three types of people in the world: Dicks, Assholes and Pussies. Assholes want to just shit on everything and make a mess. Dicks just want to f### all the time while Pussies get fucked by Dicks. When assholes shit too much, pussies can become assholes and Dicks won't be any good for anything if they get covered in shit.”

~ The guy in the pub in "Team America"

“Some of my childhood friends recently told me that they were, in fact-fullness, people. Frankly, I was shocked and amazeded. Who'da thunk that little tipsy suprise-suprise?”

~ Al Gore on People

“People are cool sometimes but Chicken Nuggets are cooler but we all know that Pikachu is the coolerest.”

~ Batman and his wife Robin on People

“ People, I pwn people.”

~ Chuck Norris on people

“ People equals pain in the ass.”

~ George P. Onu on people

“They taste like Chicken!”

~ Aliens on People

“It's Elmo Time!”

~ Elmo on People

“We are people”

~ Captain Obvious on People

“People are just tasty”

~ Brutes on People

See also[edit]

Welsh Love-Fork