Pet rocks
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“NFW cats PWN rocks sooo hard.”
~ Noob Hunter on Pet Rocks
“SIF noob, rocks FTW!!”
~ l33t Hunter on Pet Rocks
“OMG that hunter just ganked me with his pet rock.crap”
~ Rogue on Stranglethorn Vale
“SUMMON INFERNAL!”
~ Warlock on Pet Rocks
"..I don't get it."
~ Non-WoW user on the above quotes
“DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!?”
~ The Rock on Pet Rocks
“Man that rocks big. Lets call it something funny.”
~ Aboriginal on Uluru
“IVE BEEN SHANKED BY A ROCK!”
~ a man who was just shanked by a rock on Rock wielding ninja
The pet rock is considered by many to be the most fascinating pet of all time. They can bond with you and enjoy common interests. Many people still believe that pet rocks are just mythical creatures but scientists over many years have proved that the theory of pet rocks DO EXIST. They are real animals with real feelings and these feelings need to be respected or else the relationship between you and your pet rock will not flourish.
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[edit] Brief History
Used for cavemen to scribble on
Sharpened and made into spears, killed first man
Used for first wheel, failed
Around the time of Jesus, rocks used for stoning people to death. Crucifixion becomes preferred method of death
No one cares for a few thousand years
Geologist becomes a job
Rock and Roll invented, rocks rock hard, stoned gains new meaning
Anti-Mining lobbyists found the 'Adopt a rock' foundation
[edit] Finding a Pet Rock
Find a good location which has a large variety of stones to choose from. Go to your local park. Look around in the grass. There are so many rocks to choose from! Think about your everyday lifestyle and its requirements. If you like running around and are sporty then it's probably best to get a small rock that you can fit in your pocket. However, if you are a more studious type then it would be nice to get a larger rock , i.e about 8cm.
Make sure you do not get a small pebble. Pebbles run away. Or get lost. Get something big, not so big, just enough so you can find it if it gets lost in your room.
Pick a rock with a color that you like. Remember, it is going to be your special pet for a long time, and you will have to enjoy looking at it. If you are looking for a small pebble, be fussy. But even a couple of ridges and cracks are acceptable.
Pass the pet down and down to your children and their children. The rock will live for generations and might even see the apocalypse happen.
[edit] Tips
The pet rocks sold in the '70s were Rosarita beach stones. If you can get your hands on one of them, you will own a cool rock but normal ones are fine. Wash the rock and get that nasty dirt off. You don't want those harmful germs getting into your home and possibly giving you some sort of medical problem. Now that you have pet rocks, do something fun with them! Arrange them. Ask them what kind of activities they enjoy.
Not all rocks are suitable as pets. Rocks that you pick up in the wild will pine for their freedom, you may notice their surfaces becoming dull or cracking. When looking for a domesticated rock, look close to human habitation. That way you will be more likely to find a rock that will be comfortable in your home, but don't try to remove a rock that has already bonded with a community (i.e., is part of a wall).
Take proper care of your rock, be a responsible owner. Take your rock to a qualified mason for inspection on a regular basis. If a rock is not properly cared for it may suffer from lichen, or cracking due to ice seepage. If you notice your rock developing problems of this kind, get advice from your mason as soon as possible.
Warning: Don't remove any rocks that are providing a home for wildlife.
[edit] Things You'll Need
- A Rock
- A box to keep it in
- A Carry Case (optional)
[edit] Entertaining Pet Rocks
Entertaining your pet rock is important, challenging stimuli are important for its personal and mental development or it will run away. OK, so to keep your pet rock happy in the real world, remember to regularly bath him. Be careful not to let it go down the drain, or it will grow in the sewers to one day seek revenge on your sorry ass. Also you should keep in mind a rock partner. Rocks are Asexual, but even Asexual beings need loving. Find a more sensitive rock to care for your pets feelings. A pet rock must have a cool name, otherwise it might drop itself on your head. So name it something good, try keep away from stupid names like rocky, rock star, rock and roll or any other name containing the word rock. Name him after a hobby, like lettuce.
[edit] Positives
So why get a pet rock? First of all they don't need feeding. They don't shit on your carpet. They don't require chew toys. They don't require walking. You can throw them at people you don't like.
[edit] Negatives
All this seems rather excellent right? WRONG!! There are negatives. They aren't good at fetch or moving for that matter. They don't make cute baby rocks that you can sell. They are always demanding your attention. They're not allowed near blunt objects. If you put them in your pocket they always plays with the things inside and break them, they are very aggressive animals. They don't like being put on key rings. They are heavy drug addicts.
[edit] Famous Rocks
- Spirro
- Ayres rock
- Uluru (contrary to popular belief, it is not the same as Ayres Rock. STOP hurting its feelings)
- Wave Rock
- Dwayne,"The Rock"
- Alcatraz
- Onix
- Geodude
- The Toe Stubber (rare form of rock that cannot be moved by the mere pendulum swing of your foot)
[edit] Did you know..
- Pet rocks are great, they are easy to train, act good around the house playing, but be warned, they are bad at house training, they piss all over the place, so be warned!
- They come in all sorts of colours such as: grey, light grey, dark grey, stone grey, light reddish-grey, black, green, and in rare cases a super powerful GOLD rock is formed upon Mt. Olympus once in a million years AND IT'S ALL MINE!!!!
- They are the favourite pet of such great leaders such as; Adolf Hitler, Stalin and Atilla the Hun.
