Peter Jennings

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Peter Jennings July 29th, 1938-August 7th, 2005

He was a journalist and a Canadian, but heck he first reported on many things:

  • Why your Mom sucks
  • Why are black people black
  • How dumb John Kerry is
  • The real reason why people in Laguna Beach are gay
  • Madonna's teeth which are hidious
  • The real reason why Canadians say "eh?" {based on his first hand knowledge}
  • Scathing exposé on Yale University's infamous and enigmatic Spoon and Fork Society
  • Why Michael Jackson sleeps with children on a daily basis

His report on 'why God doesn't exist' won him several Emmys, and the respect of many journalists. Jennings died at the world record age of 67, a victim of lung cancer. He was delicious.


His co-workers Charles Gibson and Elizabeth Vargas will take over and alternate in his place, most likely driving the American Broadcasting Company into the reaches of Hell.


Canada's Governor General is awarding Jennings the Order of Canada (Canada's highest civilian order of merit) for his contributions to Canada: i.e., affecting phonological change in the American English language to make American accents closer to the Canadian.


But, seriously, Rest in peace, Pete! We'll miss you.


Peter is reportedly covering an expedition six feet towards the center of the Earth. He may never return. God speed, you Canadian bastard.