Petts Wood

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Early history[edit]

Petts Wood was founded shortly after the Roman invasion in approximately 64 AD. At the time it was referred to as Pettus Woodus because that was how people spelt things back then. The city grew rapidly to become the capital of Roman Britain in 120 AD, during which time the Triumphant Arch and Morrisons were built.

Modern history[edit]

Petts Woodish nationalism experienced a resurgence in the 1990s after the discovery of oil in Sparrow Woods made independence economically viable. This led to a revolt in 1997 under the inspired leadership of the charismatic Sudoku Mathspuzzle. Seizing control of the Public Library and Sovereign pub, Mathspuzzle set up a new parliament and asked for Soviet help in defending the new nation. The USSR, having emerged victorious after defeating the USA in Red Alert Two, was keen to expand its influence into Europe and so sent several old model Mammoth Tanks to help defend Petts-Woodistan. The army managed to defeat the British and in December 1997 Petts-Woodistan applied to the UN for membership. Whist this was being considered President Mathspuzzle evidently went mad with power and launched invasions into Orpington and Chislehurst.

Although the Chislehurst front advanced rapidly, capturing that shitty common they have by May 1998 the Orpington forces managed to rally and the Petts-Woodistani forces were forced to retreat to Crofton. Here, at the Battle of The Really Steep Hill That You Can’t Cycle Up, the Petts Wood forces were totally routed. Just to make sure, the Orpington and Chislehurst forces stormed Petts Wood burning and vandalising houses and plundering anything shiny - and the damage has not been repaired. With the war now clearly won the UN intervened and shelled everyone until all the money had been stolen and they had to stop. Sudoku Mathspuzzle and his few remaining followers fled to the relative safety of Sparrow Woods where they continue to wage a low level guerrilla war against anyone who will acknowledge it.


Used by Petts-Woodistan from December 1997 to June 1999.

Petts wood flag.jpg


Following defeat Petts Wood was reincorporated into the United Kingdom with the prospect of a referendum to determine its future promised in 2008.