“In Soviet Russia, 205 drives YOU!!!!”
The 205, popularly believed to be a small slow run-around for small annoying women with names like Sue is in fact a God among motor vehicles (Seriously, this article is Jesus H. Christ approved, it doesn't get much more Godly).
The truth of this vehicle is unknown to many, thought of as simple French tat, for simple ugly women. But more fool you, more fool you...
No-one can deny the prowess of the GTI, hewn by God from the very core of the Earth itself.
“And on the first day, He created light and He saw that it was average. And then he created the Holy Chariot of the Trinity and he saw that that was good... oh it was so so good... so good. And He smiled to Himself, He had truly proved He was God. "Not bad for the first day on the job." He thought.”
The 205 is thought by many to have been invented by a cheese eating surrender monkey in a dark, dingy garlic encrusted shack... there is nothing further from the truth. The 205 in fact dates back to AD23, when it was rewarded to Pope Moses the Holy I for great favours to Jesus. Once recruited, Moses' co-driver Jesus H. Christ propelled this holy vehicle to astonishing heights.
It had come to be, that on the first day, after God had let there be light, he let there be internal combustion, and He saw that it was good. The only way he saw fit to make the most of His creation was to construct a beautiful, aerodynamic and robust automobile in which to house it. So, from the very core of the Earth itself, He produced the 'Holy Chariot of the Trinity'.
Moses and Jesus became famed on their travels. Many stories surrounded this vehicle, how it parted the sea, as it carved spray from the ocean... how it was used to collect enough bread and fish to feed a 5 thousand strong crowd of hobos in mere seconds... and how it could turn petrol into noxious fumes.
After the crucifixion however, the 'Holy Chariot of the Trinity' fell into disrepair, and gradually vanished from the God's biography, the Bible. As Jesus watched from Above, he saw that it was good... NOT!!! And therefore, he came back down, to be resurrected to complete one last Holy Mission. He took Moses' car to a cave he knew well, and there it lay for millenia, as Jesus returned to Heaven.
Many many centuries later, Jean Peugout Sacre-Bleu the hobo was bedding down for the night it a dank, dark garlic encrusted cave in Bordeaux. He slowly closed his eyes, and felt his eyes begin to burn. As he flickered open his eyelids, the brightest light he had ever encountered pierced his eyes, as his baguette feel from his hand. "Sacre bleu!" he exclaimed, "Ooh la la et what les fook?!". He stepped into the light, and thought God had come to him, and it was his time... but then the light split to 2, and he saw before him a beautiful beast... he had re-discovered the 'Holy Chariot of the Trinity'. Pinching himself, he checked this wasn't simply a garlic induced dream. And then he went to work. For many an hour he went forth to copy this masterpiece... and after 205 years surviving only on passing frogs and the holy liquid that emanated from the windscreen when he pulled that there stick on the steering column, his factory was complete, as the 205s (to herald the years he had spent) began to roll off the construction line.
(The name didn't stick too long, as the vehicle entered circulation in civilised right-hand drive countries (damn backwards foreigners) the resemblance to the medical condition gout was realised, and the name was quickly huffed, like a kitten, in favour of Peugeot.)
Jippy (JPY) is the modern day HCotT, this car is a God, the Lord of all that is off-road. It puts any Land Rover to shame, as it obliterates any road put in its path... whether or not said road would turn a Freelander into a shivering wreck.
Jippy sadly passed away at her 2007 MOT with 4 broken springs, 2 dead tyres, no lights (and generally knackered) but she shall live on in heart and memory, the 205 that put Land Rovers the world over to shame.