Pflaffland is a country north of Germany, west of England, and south of the US. It is the worlds number one producer of twins, foreigners, and puppies (here they Puppy Huff). Map of Pflaffland: http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/6484/pflaffland6fp.png
- 1 Attractions
- 2 Facts
- 3 Major Cities
There are two large attractions in Pflaffland. Those are Pflaff-Disney (although it's not an official Disney park) and the nature preserve.
This park has many great rides, from Spaase Maantan to Piryaats af the Caaraban. Most roller coasters(Vomaaturs) now have safety belts (following several incidents of passengers falling out at loops). However, Donald Duck is not featured due to the fact that he wears no pants. Admission for seniors:15 euros Admission for Children:20 euros Admission for adults:35 euros.
The nature preserve is by far one of the greatest hunting grounds in all of Europe. Here, nature has been pristenely preserved for all to see, shoot, and skin. The tourist center features several ferocious animals, and the minute you ask the information kiosk for a free map you'll see what we mean.
- The currency is the Pflaffl.
- The government is Democratic Dictatorship
- There are 2 "ä"s to every person.
- Puppy huffing is a sport here.
- Pfläfll (Capitol), population 946574.65645
- Släöüshl, population 345221
- Ümälüt, populatio 3456789062
Pfläfll is a beautiful city located on the Pfläfllaater River, which flows south into Germany, where its known as the Pfläfll-Sewer. The town is populated by Pfläflaaners, Germans, and a small gruop of Emos, or as the Pfläfllaaners call then, Püussiys. The town itself is breathtaking- due to the smog from the smoke factory located 2 miles north. If you have asthma, it is recommended not to breath between 12:00pm to 12:00am.
Where to stay
In Pfläfll, the only 5 star hotel is the Raami-Pfläfland-Stüben. It has a pool, usually filled with water, this is cleaned almost monthly. The rooms are beautiful, unlike the maids (who are encouraged to work topless, however). Due to a building error all windows face the hallway, so you won't have to look at the Pfläfll-laffl, located across the street.
Where to Eat
Pfläfll-laffl is a luxurious restaurant located on the Pfläfllaater River . This is meant quite literally as it is a floating restaurant. Be sure to come in at low tide. And do not order the seafood surprise, as this is merely last weeks old seafood with barnacles scraped off the side of the ship. Oyseters here are delicious due to the pollution in the Pfläfllaater River. It is completely worth the 12 hours of diarhea and vomiting.
Thoguh there are no real attractions in Pfläfll, locals have given us the following tips:
- Watching tourists scurry off the Pfläfll-laffl during low tide
- Looking into Ms.Raäfal's large windows around 12:00pm, 5:00pm, or 11:00pm. SHe changes during these times and thinks no one can see her. There is also a live webfeed from Pflaflland's website.
- Puppy Huffing
- Killing communists
- Teaching Japanese as an eight language.
- Watching DVDs
- VIsiting the Pfläfll-Pfäf castle and trying not to get hit by falling bricks, and laughing at those who do.
- Going to another country.
Släöüshl, described as city of the kings, queens, and idiots, is the richest city in Pflaffland. Here the rich mingle with the... rich. They are also on Forbes magazine 100 Snootiest, ranking in at #7 (they even beat France).
Where to stay
By far, Slaoushlstaay is the most luxurious hotel in all of Släöüshl. The staff are sacked daily just to keep things fresh. When you come in you'll be greeted by a fountain full of evian, a bellhop waiting for his tip, a security guard and the concierge, who will ask that you pay upfront. You'd have a beautiful view of the mountains if the smog hadn't clouded there, and another great view of the strip club whose wall fell down if the men hadn't clouded there. The rooms are very clean, and the staff is wonderful (although it was reported that several housekeepers have stolen wallets).
Where to eat
The Släöüshl-läöüshl, deemed most repetitive by a local food critic, offers the best food in Släöüshl, serving not only Pflaffland food but American food as well. Here you can enjoy their famous Pflaf-Kakke-Kakkes or a slice of Pizza-izza. They serve a lot of alcohol, and locals recommend the Pflaffl-Tini-Tini (avoid it at all costs). They took the idea of "Pea-Soup" quite literally, so it's best not to even try it. It was also reported that the average bill is 36 euros per person. Come the first Tuesday of every month when the fresh salad bar is restocked.
- The Laavisch-Oparaa house, where finely tuned voices meet badly tuned instruments
- Pflafl-Disney, a fun, if not copyright-infringing, 3 mile by 2 mile amusement park just a few miles from Släöüshl.
- The Pfl-Chocolate factory, making some of the finest chocolates in all of Pflaffland
- The strip club whoe wall fell down that hasn't yet been fixed, located just across from the Slaoushlstaay.
- You can still go to another country
Ümälüt is the city by the bay, where people come for luxurious beaches, cruises, and shark's fin soup. The atmosphere is relaxed, and you are guaranteed to have fun. This is, however, not a children's destination as most (if not all) beaches are nude. This is also the only place which provides transportation to Pflataan Islaande (Pflataan island).
Where to stay
Most people recommend the Ümälüt-Üaamau, where you'll get a beautiful view of the beach. The theme here is Hawaiian so you should not be surprised if the staff only wear a grass skirt and coconut bra. Strangely enough, this hotel is staffed mostly by men. You do get a lovely fruit basket, but this is really nothing more than 3 pineapples and a locally grown fruit called a "Gälüt", which tastes and smells horrible. However it is covered in spikes that make very useful toothpicks.
Where to eat
The Süushie-Laatla is a wonderful Japanese themed restaurant, with a specialty in hibatchi cooking. Sadly do to an overly flamboyant cook, the restaurant burned down and was replaced by a McDaanülds. However, most hotels have restaurants in or around them and as far as we can tell, all of them are good (with the exception of McDaanülds, Raaton Fisch, Burmuuda Tryngaal, and Amaarika-Touwn).
From Ümälüt you can go to Pflataan Islaande by:
- Air-Most residents will offer to take you to Pflataan Islaande. However, most residents will stay for about a month, so it is best to check ahead.
- Boat-YOu can either rent a boat or buy a trip on someone elses. However, residents will stop hourly to fish so a 2 hour trip can easily stretch to 6.
- Swim-A popular, cheap alternative.
- Drive-Avoid this option at all costs, as there is not road into Pflafftan Islaande.
This tropical paradise is said to be similair to Hawaii, except pigs are not legal currency and you can still get malaria from mosquitoes. The people are friendly, and there are hundreds of trinket and souvenir shops all over the area. It is likely that you will find one in your hotel lobby. Sight-seeing tours are offered by many tour agencies, however most will take you through a few trinket shops (which you not be allowed to leave until you've purchased about $25 worth of goods).
Where To Stay
There are several hotels on this island, however, if you need a room not shared with island locals your best bet will be the Waatorseide Haatel. THough the claim is a bit exaggerated (you're about 3 miles from shore) you're guaranteed excellent service. It is recommended that you bring your own towels, due to the fact that the hotel is low on them, and the ones they havew are obviously not clean.
Where To Eat
On the island, seafood is the specialty. Due to the output from the coal power plant located in the north of the country however, most fish are black. This is actually a good thing as the local flavor is burnt anything, and you'll never be able to tell if you're eating burnt fish or undercooked shrimp. Most restaurants are the same, so it is best to just order room service.
What to Do
- Swimming is often said to be the greatest pastime on the island. However, you'll need to look out for commercial barges, electric eels, snapper fish, and other swimmers. The black will take weeks to wash off your body, so do make sure this is your last activity in Pflaffland.
- Going to a native culture festive, or "Kegaar" is often said to be a wonderful experience. DO not have too much of the local drink, Klaarli Poysunaas, as the ingridients often vary. Vodka, brake fluid, and local river water are staples in the drink.
- You're never more than 6 miles from another country!