Phantom Japanese Log Riders

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Basic Information[edit]

The Phantom Japanese log riders can be found in most countries, hidden in dense forests, or in the backs of large SUVs, when not Occupied by people. Because of their phantom nature, they can quickly disappear and can immediately leave the area that they are to be sighted in.

Phantom Japanese log riders use their large logs to crush and run-over their prey, which includes people, hedgehogs, monks, Catholics, Swedes, PETA, monkeys, sloths, god, and people attending a near-by ice-cream social. They then follow the crushing by a quick devouring by means of spork. The whole Eating process usually takes 42 seconds, but can last up to nearly 69 seconds.

The log riders have their own culture, and often used guttural barks and neighs to communicate. They also use their logs as writing utensils and carve their messages into landscapes, which eventually causes the destruction of the landscapes.

Theories of Creation[edit]

Many believe that the phantom Japanese log riders were created secretly by the Finnish, in the Theory of Finnish creationism. These reports however, have not been accepted by the followers of Stevie Wonder and Boy George. Theorists also believe that the log riders were borne from the log-shaped Feces of Satan in the burning Toilet of hell. A final theory is that they do not exist and there is Nothing true about them.

A Brief History (after Creation)[edit]

The phantom Japanese log riders were first found in ancient Uzbekistan by Swedish scientists. Dating back to before the time of Jesus, the phantom Japanese log riders are quite ancient themselves. They are responsible for many actions across the centuries, but have not been paid attention to by the majority of the modern world. Because of the insignificant amount of attention paid to them, they remain a common, unheard-of threat to the modern world.

Problems Caused[edit]

1384 BC - The phantom Japanese log riders executed the last of the dinosaurs

Sometime - Killed off the remaining Dodo birds at Guatanamo Bay

1914 - Magically blocked the bullet of the Gun that supposedly killed Franz Ferdinand and completed the Assassination themselves.

1963 - A microscopic phantom Japanese log rider punctured the brain of John F. Kennedy, causing his assassination

1988 - Destroyed Yellowstone during a spelling bee. Image

2004 - Possessed the Souls of millions of Americans and re-elected George W. Bush

Killing a Phantom Japanese Log Rider[edit]

100 oz. of pudding

10 lbs. of cheese

.000134356 quarts of Fanta

Mix into a paste and put in a microwaveable bowl. Cook for 3 seconds on high. Apply to the skin of a phantom Japanese log rider. Watch fry.