Phantom Limb

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Phantom Limb

VB215.jpg
He has no arms and legs! Oh wait, they're just invisible.

Publisher Your Mother
First appearance Unknown
Created by God
Statistics
Real name Hamilton J. Fantoms
Status At Large
Affiliations None
Previous affiliations Guild of Calamitous Intent
Notable aliases None
Notable relatives None
Notable powers Death Touch
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Phantom Limb.

Hamilton J. Fantomas or Phantom Limb is a man who apparently appears to be missing his arms and legs due to the fact that they are indeed invisible. In fact, this is due to some weird experiment gone wrong in college. Damn I wish I could've gone to that college. If people's limbs are becoming invisible there, clearly it must be a pretty cool place.

History[edit]

College[edit]

A once outstanding science student in one of the most prestigious schools in the world Hamilton Fantomas looked as if he was going to the top... until the dreaded day Master Billy Quizboy came into his life, he informed Hamilton that if he did not comply with his demands he would reveal to the dean that Hamilton had contracted a serious case of genital warts from the college's 62 year old lunch lady, fearing the loss of his status and future Hamilton agreed to be the guineapig of Billy's latest experiment: The ORGASMIZER! A dreaded concoction that would make anything one touches instantly have an orgasm of such sheer ecstasy their hearts would stop instantly, unfortunately the miniature bastard's experiment backfired causing the physical pressence of Hamilton's limbs to become disrupted, resulting in the birth of the deadly Phantom Limb! Out of sheer rage the Phantom tore out Billy's arm and repeatedly fucked the hell out of his eye socket thus resulting in his current appearance. The Phantom soon after disappeared into New Jersey where he met Jay and Silent Bob, the duo him a job as a male prostitute for the next 7 years until he was picked up by the legendary David Bowie, after 12 straight hours of cock sucking David gave Phantom Limb a high ranking position in the Guild of Calamitous Intent! And with his new found power and sore jaw Phantom Limb would begin his rule over every chain of 7 Eleven's in the U.S.A and Canada!

Great Battle[edit]

Phantom Limb took the armed forces of The Guild in order to strike back against The Monarch for stealing his girlfriend, Doctor Girlfriend. To this effect, he led an army of clones of Brock Samson, Jango Fett, and Barry Goldwater against The Monarch. Eventually The Monarch prevailed, primarily due to his high-pitched, squeaky voice. It was during this battle that Louis Armstrong was born.


Afterward[edit]

After the loss at the Guild Battle, Phantom Limb quietly vanished into the shadows for several months. He recently began appearing in amputee-fetish erotic films and goes by the alias "Admiral Butt the Torso Boy."


THIS JUST IN: The Guild of Calamitous Intent is actively seeking members! Join now!


The Guild of Calamitous Intent Main Members
Sovereign: Supreme Commander Second in Command: Phantom Limb
Dr. Girlfriend: The Sluttiest of them All! Baron of his Own Kingdom: Baron Ünderbheit
The Monarch: Strange skinny man Underlings: Watch and Ward
The Guild of Calamitous Intent Minor Members
Torrid: Burner of things Underlings: Guild Operative
Iggy Pop: The rocker! The weird guy: The One Most Corrupted