Hamilton J. Fantomas or Phantom Limb is a man who apparently appears to be missing his arms and legs due to the fact that they are indeed invisible. In fact, this is due to some weird experiment gone wrong in college. Damn I wish I could've gone to that college. If people's limbs are becoming invisible there, clearly it must be a pretty cool place.
A once outstanding science student in one of the most prestigious schools in the world Hamilton Fantomas looked as if he was going to the top... until the dreaded day Master Billy Quizboy came into his life, he informed Hamilton that if he did not comply with his demands he would reveal to the dean that Hamilton had contracted a serious case of genital warts from the college's 62 year old lunch lady, fearing the loss of his status and future Hamilton agreed to be the guineapig of Billy's latest experiment: The ORGASMIZER! A dreaded concoction that would make anything one touches instantly have an orgasm of such sheer ecstasy their hearts would stop instantly, unfortunately the miniature bastard's experiment backfired causing the physical pressence of Hamilton's limbs to become disrupted, resulting in the birth of the deadly Phantom Limb! Out of sheer rage the Phantom tore out Billy's arm and repeatedly fucked the hell out of his eye socket thus resulting in his current appearance. The Phantom soon after disappeared into New Jersey where he met Jay and Silent Bob, the duo him a job as a male prostitute for the next 7 years until he was picked up by the legendary David Bowie, after 12 straight hours of cock sucking David gave Phantom Limb a high ranking position in the Guild of Calamitous Intent! And with his new found power and sore jaw Phantom Limb would begin his rule over every chain of 7 Eleven's in the U.S.A and Canada!
Phantom Limb took the armed forces of The Guild in order to strike back against The Monarch for stealing his girlfriend, Doctor Girlfriend. To this effect, he led an army of clones of Brock Samson, Jango Fett, and Barry Goldwater against The Monarch. Eventually The Monarch prevailed, primarily due to his high-pitched, squeaky voice. It was during this battle that Louis Armstrong was born.
After the loss at the Guild Battle, Phantom Limb quietly vanished into the shadows for several months. He recently began appearing in amputee-fetish erotic films and goes by the alias "Admiral Butt the Torso Boy."
|The author of this article doesn't care at all if you edit it, heck, your stuff is probably funnier than mine.|
THIS JUST IN: The Guild of Calamitous Intent is actively seeking members! Join now!
|The Guild of Calamitous Intent Main Members|
|Sovereign: Supreme Commander||Second in Command: Phantom Limb|
|Dr. Girlfriend: The Sluttiest of them All!||Baron of his Own Kingdom: Baron Ünderbheit|
|The Monarch: Strange skinny man||Underlings: Watch and Ward |
|The Guild of Calamitous Intent Minor Members|
|Torrid: Burner of things||Underlings: Guild Operative|
|Iggy Pop: The rocker!||The weird guy: The One Most Corrupted|