Phantom of the Opera (Album)

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If You own a copy of Phantom, You can slap your own self in the face for the unbareable fact that you contributed to Andrew Lloyd Webber's ability to Swim in Money.

“I'd like to personaly thank each and every one of you bloody idiots, because it's you who have made me rich!”

~ Andrew Lloyd Webber on Giving thanks to those who helped him get wealthy
Phantom Of The Opera
Cover Art
Album by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Released A Day Nobody Remembers
Recorded Some time after Pink Floyd's Echoes
Genre Ear Bleeding Racket
Number of Discs 2
Running Time Disc1:2:33:05 Disc2:59:59:59
Record label Copy-Cat Records
Producer Charlie Hart
Professional reviews
Mid review .1/5
The Rolling Stones review "Best Lloyd Webber Album we have heard, but it still sucks."

The Phantom Of The Opera Album is a 2-Disc Album that has sold way too many copies. This album, which happens to be Andrew Lloyd Webber's work, is the reason why Andrew Lloyd Webber owns a actual Bath of Cash. The 2-Disc album has sold way too many copies, mainly because of the fact that the general public hasn't attempted piracy, or realized that it's a piece of crap album, that quite-frankly, SUCKS. The Musical Album has produced many-a-spinoff, parody, and even a live-action musical for modern theater. The album is split into 2 discs, which represent the 2 acts in the musical spinoff.

The Musical Numbers AKA The Track Listings[edit]


  • Track 01:Prolouge

The opening track is the only track not preformed to the Echos meddle, and is just spoken instead. In it, an auction takes place, and the numerous pieces of junk recently discovered in a vault are sold to a bunch of old people. Lot 665, a creepy monkey playing with his erect ding-dong and Lot 666, a Chandelier wired with highly explosive electric-gas-hybrid lights; in pieces, highlight the auction. The Auctioneer decides to scare away some sort of ghost that only he can see, and has the chandelier blown up, and track #2 begins.

  • Track 02:Overture AKA Echos Meddle on a Pipe Organ in D-Minnor

The only decent tune Andrew Lloyd Webber ever claimed he wrote is heard for the first time in this non-singing musical preformance. This tune will become a repetitive nuseance further on in the album, and is only really appreciated in this track, because it's the first time its heard. during this track in the musical spinoff, the Chandelier reforms into it's former glory and rises of the stage to hang over the patrons heads.

  • Track03:Canibal Rehersals/Think of Me

This track is about as unbearable to the ears as fat women in bikinis are to the eyes. The track may cause a track deafness just as fat women in bikinis may cause blindness. Plus, the musical spin-off makes the the number 10 times as unbearable, when a fat woman in a bikini comes out an produces ear-bleeding racket in person. If you do commit sin and see it live, use this number as a potty break to avoid going deaf and blind at the same time. The track is basically a fat, tone-deaf old hag attempting to sing, and being disposed of by the phantom. Christine, the 18 year-old sexy nutter takes over at the end. Over-all: CRAP.

  • Track04:Christne Explains How She Went Insane

Basically, Christine explains that a "angel" hides in the closet and sings to her. She believes it's her pedophile Daddy, who died a year or two ago. Now that you have read this description, you can skip this number and save your time. If you see the live spin-off, you can add some minutes to your empty-the-colon-clock.

  • Track05:The Mirror/Phantom Of The Opera(Song, not the whole Album)

This number is where the Echoes tun kicks back in at full gear, and The Phantom and Christine sing to it togather. Christine goes into a narcoleptic trance at the end of the track. In the live action performance this number is play on a journey through the gothic italian city Naples', Atlantis, complete with Gothic candles and a gondola.(They also huff helium.)

  • Track06:Music of The Night

A good track to skip, or fall asleep to. If you see the live action stage show, hope to god that the performance that night has Will Farell casted as the phantom so you don't miss the rest of the show due to Webber-Induced Narcoleptic-trance. Farell can make this number tolerable, because he usal turns the number into a comedy. See bellow:

  • Track06:Damn You! Damn You! DAMN YOU!

Christine wakes up and Unmasks the Great Lon Chaney to everyone.She is tyrannized with "Damn You"'s till she cries. The Phantom show her a soft side and apologizes. He takes her back to her room. This Track is kinda good at the start, and fills the ears with lots of Curse words, but gose soft half-way. If you really want to listen to the curse words, then go ahead. It be smarter though t just skip to the next track.

  • Track07:Primo-Dona

Don't attempt to listen to this one unless you want to go through a great deal of internal bleeding and pain. Description unknown. Though skiping it dosn't make the story any more understandable. Nobody listens to Track07. Skip it, or suffer great pain.

  • Track08:Ill Muto IV Preformance

While the track has some good parts, like the phantom puting a hex on the fat tone-deaf hag, it so far into the middle of this track, it's best to skip it. Or, use windows media player to skip to the good stuff.

  • Track09:All I Ask Of You

This track is very boring, so skip it. If you still haven't left the theater yet at the live spin-off, take a quick, wait a sec, semi-decent 16 minute snooze. The Last track on Disc#1 and the last number in Act#1 are the best it's gonna get live on stage. So don't step out now, or you'll miss the falling Chandelier! The only reason anyone pays to see this musical live.

  • Track10:Damn You! Damn You! DAMN YOU! Reprise/The Chandelier Catastrophe

The Only good part of the musical on stage! The falling chandelier! After this, make a break for the parking lot and go home! Watch the Webberites get struck-dead by the 10-ton crystal lighting-fixture and make a run to beat the sweaty, half-deaf, half-bind, crowd of Webberites mob to the snack bar for intermission!


The Mask-a-palooza! Number in the live spin-off, featuring all the main characters. Clockwise from top: Phantom, Raoul, some guy, Manager 1, The Chandelier, Manger 2, some other guy, and Christine.
  • Track01:Mask-a-palooza!

If you are seeing it live, hopefully, you already left. Otherwise, your in for a lot of pain. If you are listening to the album, throw disc #2 away right now, while your ears are hopefully still healthy. The opening of act 2 starts with a non-echoes, Normal Lloyd Webber piece of shit. The live performance can't make it any better since it includes a bunch of horribly choreographed dacing in un-bearable to the human eye excuse for costumes. It's the It's A Small World of Phantom.

  • Track02:Graveyard Adventure

Christine's daddy issues go full-out in this part, and the music is that of a funeral style. Skip it, or feel the need to commit suicide from listening.

  • Track03 Point of No Return/Track Down This Murrder/Down Once More/Learn to Be Lonley/Vengaboys We Like To Party

The longest track ever released on compact disc, at 59:59:59, it will murder the listener. Repeat. IT WILL MURDER THE LISTENER. SKIP, DISPOSE OF. NOW!

Andrew Lloyd Webber's Sucess[edit]

“I'm such a musical genius! Nobody I know could write a better score.”

~ Andrew Lloyd Webber on Himself, being a dickhead

When Phantom was released, it was snatched up by millons of people without lives all-over the globe. Andrew Lloyd Webber was a normal middle class british dude before phantom. Thanks to the dumb-asses who bought the millons of copies of phantom, Lloyd Webber is now a dirty, rich, famous british bastard.If you own a copy of this CD set, slap yourself in the face you dumb duche' mutherfucker. You just contributed to the wealth of a dirty old englishman, who get's rich of of music he never wrote.

Pink Floyd's Battle at Court[edit]

“Andrew Lloyd Webber is the world's biggest Son-Of-A-Bitch! If you own a copy of "Phantom", Pink Floyd Hates your guts!”

~ Roger Waters on Andrew Lloyd Webber stealing his music and getting rich off it

When Pink Floyd learned of the success of Lloyd Webber's new album, they decided to buy a copy. They listen to track2, and were struck by the un-godly truth that they had been screwed over by that dirty british bastard. There Echoes Meddle played on and on and on. The whole album was basicaly Echoes. What a Rip-off! They took Lloyd Webber to court, where they charged him with stealing quality music, and making a proffit off it. The Judge unluckily, sided with Lloyd Webber, and also told Pink Floyd that any cash that an album with "Echoes" on it made was to become Lloyd Webber's. WHAT THE FUCK?

See Also[edit]

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