Philip Seymour Hoffman

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For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Philip Seymour Hoffman is an American actor and witch doctor. He boils bat heads with P.T. Anderson and creates evil magic. His parents wanted to name him Philip Seymour Butts because he was conceived under the grandstands, but their last name was not Butts. All of his roles have been pirates. Gay pirates.


P.T. Anderson's Cavalcade of Emotionally Charged Melodrama
P.T. Anderson's Valiant Attempt At Making Adam Sandler Look Like A Real Actor
P.T. Anderson's Valiant Attempt At Making Marky Mark Look Like A Real Actor With A Huge Schlong
Some Movie Not Made By P.T. Anderson
Why Isn't The Hoffman In This One About Oil? Oh, Wait - Maybe He Is
When Sydney Lumet Attacks: An Octegenarian Tries To Look Like Tarantino And Gives Us Gratuitous Marisa Tomei Nude Scenes For Which We Thank Him Even Though She's Over 40 - Talk About MILF
The Priest Who Loved Black Kids: Catholic Pedophelia As A Cure For Racism

Marketing Genius[edit]

The Hoffman, by which name he is now affectionately known, burrows into your couch cushions while you watch nude Japanese game shows and mind-melds with you, convincing you to go see his movies. This fuels the seemingly unstoppable P-S-H machine.

Fat and Happy?[edit]

The Hoffman at home

One of the Hoffman's many signature characters is the gay fat guy. His mother worries that this is not so much a character, but a fetish. But then he gives her $10,000 checks every Thursday and she snaps a letter Z in the air with him.

He also enjoys playing the gay writer guy, the gay priest guy, and the gay criminal guy. When the Hoffman is not playing gay, he is very very cross.






Photo gallery[edit]

The Hoffman as Batman in P.T. Anderson's acclaimed version
The Hoffman as the Hoff in P.T. Anderson's acclaimed Baywatch re-make