“OBJECTION! This game makes no fucking sense!”
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney
|Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney|
|Genre||Text Adventure with Pictures|
|Would Michael Moore play it?||Only if there's free steak involved.|
Phoenix Wright is a videogame by Capcom.
You play the part of a Prosecuting attorney, but not just any prosecuting attorney, but you're a prosecutor hired by the defendant. You have immense issues with volume control and are doomed to yell the same three phrases over and over again at old people and innocent bystanders. Your goal is to find some other schmuck to take the blame, and prosecute him, because it's impossible to prove your client's innocence without convicting someone else. If you fail to prosecute someone other than your client, your client is found guilty, because of course, only your client is considered guilty until proven innocent.
The first level is quite easy. Your best friend kills his girlfriend By giving her a cursed clock. Luckily the clock possessed a burglar who happened to be in the area, and your goal is to pin it on him. You do this by mercilessly asking him the same questions over and over again until he mispronounces one of the words he is attempting to say and throws his toupee at your face. Then you throw down random shit that has nothing to do with anything and the judge is so confused he immediately sentences the innocent man accusing your friend to death.
In this case your screwbuddie's sister kills her. You start off by collecting clues and whatnot like an illegal wiretap, blood written messages, the cursed clock from Case 1, and drugs from the suspicious man across the street. It looks bad, with you not being able to pin it on anyone except the obviously guilty sister. However, with the help of Obamas health care reform, you are successfully able to pin it on a corporate executive of Wachovia.
Some actor is killed and you're hired by Wolverine to convict someone else of it. Thankfully, you discover that the victim was a drug addict and blame the rap music, successfully pinning it on Lady Gaga.
A prosecutor is being prosecuted by another prosecutor for killing a defense attorney. You have to defend the prosecuted prosecutor by taking references from the Lochness monster hoax, asking for tree fiddy, information about a hobo and a parrot, and finally pinning the blame on the presecuting prosecutor by taking advantage of the bullet in his shoulder he got from 'Nam.
A hooker, a cowboy, and a annoying bitch that wont shut up about staring at small objects for copious amounts of time. In this case you defend a murderer by making up so much confusing shit the judge forgets whats going on and pins it on the nearest ethnic stereotype.
DL-6 is the police's case ID. It's stand for "Dynamic Laid Six" telling of the rape and murder sort of crime. Here is the summary of the case:
Misty Fey went to her apartment in one night, she then got raped, got sudden bankrupted, and being famed for a child abuse crime by her arch enemy, Redd White. Shaming, she ran to her boss, Grossburg and ask him to defend her in the court. Sadly, Grossburg refused because Redd White got his wife, the fisherman, blackmailing him. Misty got another defence attorney to save her, Gregory Edgeworth. Misty and Gregory lost the case, so Misty rape him as a detention. Gregory's son, Edgeworth, couldn't bear this situation, knocked Misty down and took a gun, his shot missed and the bullet hit The Judge instead. From the shock, the four fell unconcious. 4 hours later, 3 of them woke up in the hospital and realized Grogory Edgeworth was raped and killed by someone while they passed out. Misty Fey disappeared without a trace, and the case was closed unsolved, untill many years later, The ace attorney, Phoenix Wright got the case cleared up. Redd White, the real criminal, was turned into a sex slave for the government for his crimes, and it seems that he's been more happy staying there.
Phoenix Wright Justice for All
the Sequal to Phoenix Wright, Ace Attourney. The law is every bit as fucked up as it was in the previous game, perhaps moreso.
Wright's +1 Blue Suit of Power
This suit, rumored to have belonged to the great L.Ron Hubbard himself, grants the user the power to make up such copious amounts of random shit that he confuses all in the area to believe what hes saying is right. Its powers have condemned many innocent to death, and aid countless criminals in their pursuit of avoiding jailtime and raping women. Remember kids, when your in trouble, always pin it on the one person that everyone hates!
The most heavy weapon in your arsenal, if you perform this correctly by yelling as loud as you can and wiggling your finger at the opposing party, you release the mental equivilent of a hydrogen bomb. Everyones beliefs and personalities become instantly shattered and are completely at your beck and call, no matter how much unbelievably random and irrelevant shit you bring up. This was used to win the first World War and George Dubya used this to win Florida.