Phone Rape

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Phone Rape is a handy tool which social groupings use when a single member of the group manages to piss every single other member off at the same time. The average phone rape consists of the members all calling the the person who has pissed them off, who for simplicity's sake we shall call X, one after another. The average duration of calling lasts anywhere from 30 minutes to a week, depending on how pissed of X made them. If X picks up, the person calling must either shout "whoops wrong number" or alternatively, begin speaking Portugese. Any other language can be subsituted for Portuguese, as long as X does not speak the language. As soon as the call is concluded, the person contacts the next person in line for the phone rape, who then calls and does the same thing. Repeats. You get the idea.

How to set up a Phone Rape[edit]

The first thing that must be done is for person X to piss off every one of the people in the social grouping. If you are the leader of the Phone Rape, then you must do the following.

  • Contact each member of the party, alert them to the time and order of the calls*
  • Make sure your battery is nice and charged*
  • Find the one time for person X which would be the worst time for you to call him (e.g, on a date, on the toilet, reading Uncyclopedia) and schedule the phone rape for this time.*
  • Touch up on your Portuguese, or alternate language*
  • Contact your lawyer, to warn him/her of the upcoming harrassment charges which will soon come galloping towards you.*

Then, do as said above, and you're set.

What else can be used to "rape" person X?[edit]

You can use an Instant Messenger Rape also, which is similar to the phone rape, exepting that each person must either copy/paste the phrase "Paul Pillaged Purple Potatoes" several thousand times or make constant accusations of person X watching gay porn and comments about his mother.