Pie
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Someone used this article to have Hot Sex With Pancakes! |
Pie is an ideal food that combines all four food groups: Sugar, grease, starch, and crunchy. You can eat pie and tell yourself that the fruit in it is healthy, but we know what you really like. Pie is available in many sizes, from a 12-inch family size (though you can eat it all yourself if you get a craving) to those little pies at Wal-Mart.
The filling in the pie is usually fruit, but it is sometimes pumpkin and rhubarb; there are meat pies, and the filling could in theory be anything, so watch out.[1]
Pie is so yummy that the term has been adapted to describe other positive concepts, which are described in this article.
Contents |
[edit] History
Pie began in the 17th century under the rule of Guy Fawkes, though it may have first been created in the workshop of Edgar Allen Pie. At first, pie was nothing more than a simple pastry...but, over time it grew more powerful as more and more people saw that pie was fun.
[edit] Future ambitions
Pie is slowly becoming a deity with millions of followers around the world that love and worship it. In the past, pie has done many great things, such as starting World War Pie. Pie's influence has been limited by the fact that people mostly ate any pie they saw, before it could achieve much. But pie is now the most known pie in pie-land and the chief guru of the religion of pieism. Pie has thousands of grou-pies.
In the future, pie plans to rule the world (like many, many others with the same objective). To do this, pie will fatten every human up until he can't walk. Pie might eat humans as punishment for the consumption of valiant pie brethren (notably, pie Lincoln and pie Jesus.)
Pie is expected to run for the USA Presidency in 2012, as 89% of Americans would rather have a slice of pie than listen to Obama. Of those 89%, an astounding 99% say it's especially true if Obama is speaking about healthy eating. Or a federal takeover of bakeries.
[edit] π
The number Pi (π) is about 3.1416. It is "about" a lot of other things, but it isn't exactly anything. It is how far you have to walk to get halfway around a circle of radius 1. No one wants to get just halfway around it, so get out your calculators. (Regarding area, "Pie are squared," my old geometry teacher used to say, though the correct Ebonic is, "Pie do be squared.")
The legislature of Ohio once notoriously ruled that civil engineers could use a value of π=22/7. (In 1992, they amended this law to state that π=3 would be "good enough for Government work.") If you cross a bridge anywhere between Cleveland and Dacron, well, mind the gap.
[edit] Pie, the element
Pie (Symbol Pi) is the 92nd element of the periodic table. It is a heavy metal, and frequently performs with the band Black Sabbath. Pie is frequently used as an oxidizing agent within industry, for rapid conversion of fructose to galactose.
[edit] Pie double entendres
“Would you like to come upstairs for some pie?”
~ The date you will never have, on pie
The term "pie" has been adapted to describe other pleasing natural phenomena that have squiggly edges and a creamy filling.
The term "pie" has also been used obsessively on Uncyclopedia to describe accolades or praise. For example, "Give your senior editor some pie." Sure, right after he rips the crap out of your recent edit. Like props, kudos, and so on. At least, that's probably the kind of pie they're looking for.
[edit] Hair pie
The euphemism hair pie has become widespread, ironically at the same time that many men and women have decided that they want her hair pie to be as hairless as her underarms. Just because nature put hair there doesn't mean it has to stay there, as everyone outside of The Netherlands now agrees.
[edit] Moon pie
The term moon pie is self-contradictory. The low gravity on the surface of the moon would make it hard for the filling to remain within the crust, and the very low atmospheric pressure would make it boil over instantly. Moon meringue is more likely.
[edit] Pot pie
Vegetarians have Alice B. Toklas brownies, but others can use the pot pie to surreptitiously add marijuana to the diet. Chicken pot pie is a marvelous way to put a buzz on under cover of following doctor's orders to eat more meat.
The Pol Pot Pie is a commemorative dish served by southeast Asian refugees who have opened ethnic restaurants in Newmarket, N.H.
[edit] Pie throwing
Pie throwing is a sport, a hobby, a way to pass time, and a way to show affection for a coworker without possible sexual overtones. Soupy Sales popularized pie throwing with Americans.
Throughout our history, many wars have been started by a casual act of pie throwing. The innocent slapstick against Bosnian Archduke Ferdinand, unfortunately simultaneous to the backfiring of an early automobile, is a fateful example. So, when throwing a pie at someone's face, make sure he is looking away from you.
