Pink Floyd
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|  This article needs love | |
| This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love. Please give some love by rewriting it. | ||
“Pink Floyd? There wasn't any fucking Pink Floyd! I AM PINK FLOYD!”
~ Roger Waters on Pink Floyd after two bottles of liquor
“Wot's, uhh, the deal?”
~ Roger Waters on Pink Floyd after 3 bottles of liquor
Formed by Syd "Bare It" Barrett and Roger "Wodger the Bodger" Waters in the early 1960's, Pink Floyd (not to be confused with Pink, P!nk and Pinky or Pinkies) started life as a hut band. The band went through a variety of names at this "stage" (a grass field), including Blue Wolfgang, Purple Chuck, Teal Corneleus, and even Westside Whities, ignoring the fact that they are from the U.K.
Usually they would practice at Waters until his mother got home and had to park the car, or on some occasions at Barretts where they risked being attacked by the possums who had taken up residence in the garage. It was only when the dynamic duo were at college in Cambridge that the Abdabs' full potential was realized, and local golf caddies Nick "Mind If I Tag Along With You Fellas" Mason and Rick "Absolutely" Wrong joined the band to add both drums and the electric cowbell to the Abdabs' instrumental repertoire. After two years at university, the band was finally given the big break that it needed in the form of a record signing, and they knew that it was a one shot deal. Pink Floyd are known as an 1980's supergroup, and today as the sole owner of Shinra Electric Power Company.
Contents |
[edit] The Early Years (1960-1965)
[edit] Giant Barn Dance
Nobody knows very much about this. The Sorcerers' first psychedelic album was panned by critics for not being able to capture the essence and drugged out feel of their live shows, famous for their lighting effects and pyrotechnics. Syd Barrett, depressed by the albums lackluster reviews, began heavily using LSD, cocaine, and even began huffing kittens. This was the first catalyst in the saga of Syd's steady decline. A lot of hardcore fans call this a masterpiece but most of the hardcore fans are either dead or high on acid so we can't really trust what they say. After this Syd pulled an idea out of his ass called The Games For May.
[edit] Games For May (Not to be confused with the homophobic "Maims for Gays")
Syd Barrett proposed that the Amazing Pudding do a big concert outside and Games For May was the result "but fuck that" the rest said "let's get high as shit and write long guitar solos and fondle young men endlessly" AND THAT's where Games for May came from. It wasn't so much a concert as a sports event with a few sets thrown in. Waters invited fans to take part in rugby while Barrett hosted badminton and the Masons organized an ultimate frisbee tournament. Unfortunately for those taking part in rugby, Waters took the game very seriously and as in conventional rugby, gouging, punching, kicking, and biting were legal. Twenty five fans were trampled to death in the half hour long event but no charges were filed. Overall, Games For May was a success.
[edit] The Departure of Syd Barrett
Barrett left to form short lived skiffle sensation "the Burning Bananas" with Bass player Dick Hurtz, drummer/Indian Mike Hunt and some guy on the street who was too plastered to speak in whole sentences. Although they were only together for four hours and thirty minutes, the Bananas managed to release three hit singles, namely "Chiquita Cha Cha", "Banana Splits (taste quite delicious with chocolate sauce and chopped nuts)" and "Oh God, We Only Have Thirty Minutes To Record A Single". Shortly after the release of their debut album (Here Come the Burning Bananas!), Roger Waters, angered over The Bananas' success, rigged the bands' tour bus with explosives, killing Dick, Monkey, and "Guitar Man", who had only left their flat to get some pop tarts and smokes. Devastated, Syd decided to form another band which he called The New Burning Bananas but forwent any preliminary search for musicians, instead opting to eat an entire pumpkin on stage in place of actual music. Syd's act was surprisingly successful, and he toured Europe and the Balkan Island during the October of 1972. Unfortunately, after pumpkin season was over, Syd was forced to switch to summer squash. Syd's audience did not take kindly to this change of gourd, and he was booed off of the stage at every venue over the remainder of his five month tour. Shocked and scarred, Syd withdrew from the public eye to a small farm in Hampstead Heath, where he currently raises prize-winning leeks.
[edit] Hazy Stage (1965-1972)
The Barrettless Floyd launched onto the English music scene in a blaze of no publicity at all, making it hard for them to get another record deal. The perpetual onslaught of name changes did not alleviate this. They did a few soundtracks for movies like More and Mission: Impossible but none of the Floyds, specifically Roger Waters, were satisfied with any of their work so far. At this point, everyone in the Floyd was more or less broke so they began sharing a tiny, grimy, but thankfully rent controlled flat in Cambridge. Life for the bandmates soon began to resemble a sitcom. Roger unfortunately cooked all of their meals which usually involved cabbage and water (which were included as free utilities) and the other bandmembers used to rag on him about his cooking, except for new guitarist Dave "Gimmiemore" Gilmour who was smitten by Waters giggly personality and good looks. It was not long until Roger realized that he and Dave were meant to be and they began dating, making band outings increasingly awkward for the celebate Nick and Dick. The band continued to struggle to make ends meet. The income from the frequent gigs that played in the various clubs in around Cambridge was Paltry, and Dave's male modeling did not pay much either. Roger was determined to bring the band to the next level, financially and musically.
[edit] The Pickle on the Plate at Dawn
This album owned all and needs no explanation. It proved that gnomes do indeed wear scarlet tunics.
[edit] A Saucerful of Secretions
1. Let the Be More LSD/ 2. Remember Some Time / 3. Set the Controls for the Heart of the USSR / 4. Corperal Clog / 5. A Saucerful of Secretions / 6. See-Saw, Merry go Round, etc. / 7. Chugband Booze
The follow up album to GummaUmma, A Saucerful of Secretions did not help to dispell the commonly held belief that the Floyd was a sci-fi band and actually fueled the myth. This left Roger in a fluster because most people missed the main theme of the album, which was a cough that had been plaguing the band for well over a year. As the story goes, Nick gave it to Dick, Dick gave it to Dave, and Dave gave it to Roger who continued the vicious cycle by giving it back to Nick. Eventually they all decided to split for two weeks and the cough terror was ended. Sales for A Saucerful were considerably better than those for GummaUmma and the Floyd was sure that it was on it's way to superstardom.
[edit] GummaUmma
1-4. Sissy Puss, Parts 1-4 (Wright)/ 5. Green Place (Waters) / 6. Several Animals Hyped Up on LSD Gathered Together in a Cave and Got Busy (Waters) / 7-8. The Narrow Log Parts 1-3 (Gilmour) / 69-11. The Grand Viser's Tea Party In Tight Corsets (That's Porn of Pride and Prejudice Proportions for Ya) (Mason) / 12. I'm Cool (Wilde)
The Floyd's next album was considered by some to be even worse than Giant Barn Dance, but it sold better and supplemented their income considerably. Roger began to get his hopes up and pushed his bandmates even harder than he had before, allowing them to get a slightly bigger apartment that would allow for them to sleep in separate beds. Nonstop gigging and driving from venue to venue imposed a tight schedule on the Floyd and left little time for anything else, so sleeping and eating were done in their questionable transport made of two halves of two different cars. According to Dave, Nick and Dick had to constantly apply duct tape to keep the shaky auto together. For some reason, people began to think that Pink Floyd was a sci-fi oriented band around this time which Roger greatly resented.
[edit] At-Home-Tart Mother
1. At-Home Tart Mother / 2. It / 3. Summer '00 (How do You Pronounce That Anyway?!?) / 4. Fat Old Son / 5. Lulubelle's Progressive Lunch
This was more a setback for the Floyd than a step forward. In a bizarre burst of inspiration, Roger used all of the profits from A Saucerful of Sucrets to hire the London Symphony Orchestra out for half an hour and got some of the janitors from the Floyds Cambridge Flat to do vocals in a strange symphonic piece. The rest of the band was furious when they found out what Roger had done while they were out, and had thought it initially suspicious that Waters had given them money to buy some new satin shirts and tight pants. To compromise, Roger allowed Nick and Dick to use a photo of a cow they had taken while picnicking in the dorset countryside for the album cover. The cow also collaborated with vocals in the closing piece, entitled "Lulubelle's Progressive Lunch".
[edit] Tamper
1. One of those Days / 2. A Pillow of Air / 3. Beerless / 4. San Tropez / 5. Seamus / 6. Echoes...Echoes...Echoes...Echoes...Echoes...Echoes...etc.
The Floyd's 1971 album Tamper saw the introduction of a new band member: Dave Gilmour's dog Seamus. Disheartened by the poor sales of their previous album, the Floyd grew depressed and began eating psilocybin mushrooms as a source of inspiration. One day, Roger accidentally fed his bandmates poisonous mushrooms, rendering them violently ill for weeks. A stray dog named Seamus wandered into the studio while the members of Pink Floyd were indisposed. Seamus found the recording equipment and somehow recorded an entire album by himself. After the members of Pink Floyd recovered from their illnesses, they returned to the studio to find that Seamus had prepared an entire album for them. Pleased, they made Seamus a band member and allowed him to sing lead vocals on his self-titled song, 'Seamus'. The new album, Tamper, was the first Floyd album to sell more than two copies, and was also used as the soundtrack to Stanley Kubrick's epic film, 2001: A Space Odyssey. Tamper was also famous for its cover, which was rumored to be a closeup photo of a woman's genitalia. Seamus would write all of Pink Floyd's material after 1971, but Roger, being a despot and an asshole, took all the writing credits. Seamus would later quit Pink Floyd to become a clerk at a coffeeshop.
[edit] Obscured By Clowns
1. Obscured by Clowns / 2. When You're In (My Pants) / 3. Burning Witches / 4. I'll Kick You In The... / 5. Who...Uh, The Fuck Are You / 6. Mudwomen: Sexy Wrestling / 7. Roger Waters' Moping Beta / 8. Free Whore / 9. Stay (Locked in My Basement) / 10. Absolutely Too Much Goddamn Chanting
The music in this 1972 album was the soundtrack for a French independent film nobody ever saw, and as a result the album has sold exactly zero copies to date. Rumor has it that Obscured by Clowns contains lots of instrumental songs with long flowing guitar solos, but since nobody apart from the Floyd themselves have heard the album there's no way to be sure. The album cover shows a very blurry indefinable image, which is undoubtedly a metaphor for something deeply profound.
[edit] The Golden Years (1972-1980)
[edit] The Wizard of Oz soundtrack
1. Don't Speak to Me / 2. (I'm Murdering You, Why are You Still) Breathe(ing) / 3. On the Run from Oprah / 4. TeaTime / 5. The Great Gig in the Sky / 6. Monkey / 7. Puss And Femms / 8. Any Condom You Like / 9. Brained / 10. Place Great Metaphor to End Album Here
The Wizard of Oz soundtrack (less commonly known as Dark Ride in the Poon, allegedly a reference to David Gilmour's love for interracial porn) shot the Floyd to superstardom as basically the best album of all time. Such hits as "The Great Pig in the Sky" and "Us and Them and 16 Year Old Groupies" went on to become fan favorites. Disgusted by Rogers previous folly, the Floyd set out to do something that no one had done before, though they didn't know exactly what. At one of their weekly brainstorming sessions, Roger began moping about how he was buttsore about the death of his father and Dick followed suit in complaining about how hard it was to make a buck. Soon everyone at the table was complaining about something or other, and this gave Dave a stupendous idea. Why not write an album about everything that made them buttsore? Roger and Dave soon began work on what was to be Dark Ride in the Poon. Upon release, sales exploded into the millions, billions, and trillions. The cosmic sales figures, according to many scientists, prove that time travel and time tourism exist, or else such figures could not exist. Engineer Dr. Alan Parsons didn't make any money, leading him to invent evil weapons such as the death laser and The Project. The Floyd became world famous, and with the advent of a megatour looming, the four bandmates designed a stageshow that can could cause tinnitus from several miles distant.
[edit] Wish You Had Beer
1. Shine On Your Crazy Bling, Part 1 / 2. The Depressed Robot-Emo Song / 3. Smoke, Impressionable Little Children, Smoke! / 4. Wish You Had Beer / 5. Shine on Your Crazy Bling, Part 2
This album was dedicated mainly to Syd Barrett who had more or less faded out of the lives of everyone in the band (though Roger Waters decided to act as if he cares, and shamelessly romanticized the story). Strangely enough, during recording Syd showed up in the studio with a huge keg to say a big hello to his former bandmates who were surprised to see that he was still the vibrant young hippie that he was ten years ago. Wish You Had Beer did not sell nearly as well as any of the Floyds work in the previous years but went to new heights musically. Ironically, no one has ever been plastered during the playing of this song.
TRIVIA: The album was originally meant to be called "Wish You Were Beer" instead, to commemorate how they would have preferred a man-sized bottle of beer to Syd Barrett, but since he actually left the band believing he was a giant bottle of beer they figured it might not be prudent to call it that.
[edit] Fraggles
1. Gorgs/2. Doozers/ 3. Fraggles/ 4. Doc/ 5. Sprocket/ 6. The Trash Heap
By far the Floyds most experimental work, this album features songs equating certain kinds of people with Gorgs, Doozers, Fraggles, Doc, Sprocket, and the Trash Heap. Roger explained the album in depth in an interview, saying that the Doozers represent the underclass, who mindlessly repeat the same tasks over and over again despite the fact that their works are subsequently destroyed, the Fraggles are the bourgeoisie who eat the buildings built by the lower class and generally muck around having a good time, the Gorgs are the upper crust who think they're king of everything and occasionally kidnap one of the bourgeoisie to frighten their mother with, (the inspiration for many almost-not-completely-horrible comedies such as My Man Godfrey, The Magic Christian, and Meet The Parents,) Doc represents the scientists, who tamper in God's domain regularly, Sprocket represents the hunchbacks who do the guarding and other manual labor for the scientists, and the Trash Heap is "just a trash heap, I don't know why everyone has to read social commentary into everything I write." The highly electronic songs are perpetuated by howls and shrieks that some say are doctored animal noises, but are in fact the pained screams of Roger Waters getting a colonoscopy without anesthesia or sedatives. "They costed extra" explained the ever frugal Roger, years later.
[edit] Disney's Alice in Wonderland: The Soundtrack
Disc 1: 1. In The Fleshy Private Parts? / 2. The Ice Rink / 3. Another Dick with Balls, Part 1 / 4. The Government Tearing out the Happiest Days of My my Life / 5. Another Dick with Balls, Part 2 / 6. Your Mom / 7. Goodbye Green Earth / 8. Filled Up Residency / 9. Let's Have Sex / 10. Anger Management / 11. Come to Butthead / 12. Another Dick with Balls, Part 3 / 13. Goodbye Cruel Alb... wait, what, there's a whole other disc?!
Disc 2: 1. Hey Your Mom / 2. Is There Anybody Hiding In My Closet? / 3. Pick up the phone tramp! / 4. Yourmomma / 5. Bring Your Fat Ass Back Here / 6. Overrated Song / 7. The Show Must Go On, if I can find my shoes / 8. In The Fleshy Private Parts / 9. Run Like H-E-Double Hockey Sticks / 10. Waiting For You To Pick Up the phone and bring your fat ass back here! / 11. Go / 12. Bat Fuck Insane / 13. Thank God this shitty album is over, wait, what's that, it loops?!
Roger still had not gotten the moping out of his system and decided to write an entire double album about how his father had been killed in World War Two. The other Floyds were skeptical, but the early demo tapes sounded halfway decent so they decided to go along with it. Fortunately for the band, Disney's Alice in Wonderland: The Soundtrack (less commonly known as "The Wall") sold just as well as Dark Side of the Moon allowing David Gilmour to buy himself a small South Pacific Island nation and for him and Roger to relax in. Nick and Dick pursued other hobbies and purchased a yacht with which they sailed the seven seas and had some crazy adventures involving pirates and Canadian monks. Amid all of the ridiculous self indulgence, Roger had begun production on a movie version of The Wall starring 2pac and the Village people with Eddie Van Halen making a cameo role. When the movie was released, it grossed a record 500 000 000 million dollars at the box office in it's first night alone and was voted most depressing film of all time. Dave proposed that the Floyd take The Wall on the road and do a supertour of the world which sounded good to everyone else except Syd who was a tad bit angry over the whole getting kicked out of the band before it made a lot of money thing. The Wall live is the highest costing concert ever performed, costing at least five million dollars per show due to it's lavish set, pyrotechnics, light show, hired strippers, blow-up dolls, and musical ensemble. The Floyd constructed a hulking wall across the stadiums that connected to the Great Wall of China. Although it cost five million dollars to perform one show, Pink Floyd grossed an average 6 trillion per show, even though the stadiums they played could only house about an 45,000 people. Reportedly, at every show a strange man in a hood claiming to be from the future would apppear at each show and leave 5.9 trillion dollars saying that the Pink Floyd must receive this money so they can take control of the entire world. Obviously, he must have done something wrong, since the members of the band no longer recall ever being in the band together.
[edit] The Wall (Formerly the Door)
Shortly after Roger Waters sat behind a wall and thought about his dad and the war, he heard an accordion playing from Outside the Wall and some kids singing. He promptly opened the door and told the kids to STFU. He suddenly realized the door had been there the whole time and he didn't have to have been in there shaving his eyebrows and filling Empty Spaces. He decided to venture outside and see what the world was like. On some sunny day he met Vera again and it turns out they didn't really have much in common anymore; after all, he had no eyebrows and lived behind a wall and she probably was a metaphor anyway. After finding out that the Empty Spaces where they used to talk had recently had a Wal-Mart built on them they decided to go their separate ways. Waters vowed to write a concept album about what he had seen which became...
[edit] The Wal-Mart
The Wal-Mart chronicles the story of a young boy whose father was a greeter at a local Wal-Mart and died in the War. Waters' three part opus on this album was titled "Another Prick in the Wal-Mart (Parts I-III)" which chronicled those people who go to the express checkout with more than 10 items. The lead-off track "In the Produce Section?" returns later without the question mark, a powerful statement that contributes to the serious tone and brilliant punctuation skills Waters has exhibited ever since Floyd classics such as "Wot's...Uh The Deal" "Pow R. Toc H." and "Careful With That Axe, Eugene." At the end of the album the character has locked himself inside the Wal-Mart with the underpaid immigrant employees and has vowed to isolate himself from the public. Inside a Wal-Mart. Good luck with that.
[edit] The Window
After fighting a long copyright battle with The Ghost of Jim Morrison over his album The Door, Roger Waters subsequently crashed that big metal bird from Goodbye Blue Sky into a window accidentally; he didn't notice the glass because of Windex and because of his years spent living behind a wall. It was at about this time that Roger saw the writing on the ...erm, wall, and decided to make his next fortune writing fad diet books--in particular, a blatant Atkins rip-off, centered around not having any pudding until having first eaten one's meat. Roger paid the other members of Floyd 37 pence so that he could place ads for his latest venture.
[edit] The Wall (Movie)
The film is about the lifespan of Roger Waters, aka Pink, who begins life as a young boy (as you do). His dad is killed in some kind of war while trying to phone his son to warn him not to watch the rest of this shitty pretentious film. While growing up, Pink develops a speech impediment resulting in his muteness and he takes his anger out by derailing trains and whatnot (as you do). After this, he goes to school for a bit, where the teacher makes fun of his godawful lyrics (which were used on Floyd album Dark Side of the Room). The teacher is thrown into a bonfire by the angry kiddies, and suddenly Pink grows up thirty years, and is suddenly a mega-awesome rock god.
He invites a girl over to his room, but spends the whole time watching TV and ignoring her, prompting her to question "why the hell did he bring me here? Time-wasting wanker!" Then Pink snaps and goes absolutely apeshit, throwing everything in his room at his girlfriend and wrecking the room. It climaxes with him throwing the televsion out of the window several times, and it lands on the head of Nick Mason, whom Waters never really liked anyway and was only using for sex.
Pink gets naked and shaves himself to resemble a bowling pin. After this, he takes some serious hardcore drugs and gets taken out of his room by his optimistic manager, who believes Pink is just trying to get attention from his long-dead father.
Pink is driven to Hitler's bachelor party, where he goes apeshit once more, and berates all his fans for "BEING TOO HUMAN!!!". Suddenly, the sixteenth version of Pink, in alternate universe #191 shouts "STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" and and drinks from toilet water (as you do). He is found by a toilet guard, who promptly turns into a pair of buttocks and makes everything nice and 2D again. Pink turns into a snivelling little condom and is put on trial by a group of vaginas, who find him guilty. The wall that only just turned up five minutes ago is then torn down to make everything better again. Pink steps out of the wall a changed man. In fact, he turns into several young children, who go through rubble to find alcohol. One lucky kid finds a cocktail, but doesn't like it, so he throws it away.
THE END (This is the part of the film where all the producers, actors, cast and crew stand up with tears in their eyes, applauding and cheering, and everyone else sits there trying to get their brains back into gear while bellowing "WHAT THE FLOYD?!"
After The Wall, Roger Waters was getting fed up with his bandmates. Still, they needed money after all they spent on LSD in the last tour. So the three other members decided to follow Waters in any projects he wanted to do. They eventually began recording The Final Cut as an expansion to The Wall, but it was going to be more whiny and dull. The album is a concept about a girl called Maggie who worked as a prostitute for the army when Waters's father was in the war, and how whiny he can be. Gilmour and Mason did not record any part, as Roger Waters decided the album sounded better with oboes and strings. One famous event was when Gilmour passed out because he couldn't get Waters satisfied with a particular bassoon section. He recorded the drums, the bassoon and the rest himself for the rest of the day, with Gilmour lying unconscious on the floor near the bassdrum, kicking him and spitting on him a couple of times. Waters them proceeded to kick Mason and him out of the band. Waters later commented that Gilmour was just "lazy and unwilling to record that fucking bassoon part!". This would be the last time they worked together.It was also during this period that Roger legally changed his name to Roger "The Creative Genius of Pink Floyd" Waters.
[edit] Live 1970s Footage
Depending on who you ask, there may or may not exist pro-shot live footage of the band playing from the golden years. Here are some quotes from the band members on the subject:
"You can't have it!" - Nick Mason
"What Pink Floyd live footage!?!?!? I AM PINK FLOYD!!!! HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING? GET BACK HERE AND PUT ME ON TV!!!!" - Roger Waters
"Uhh, legal problems have forced me to umm, delay the release of new video footage." - David Gilmour
"I think at the time we were being filmed uhh I was killing Ronald Mcdonald." - Rick Wright
"MOO CLUCK WOOF." - Syd Barrett
[edit] The Real World: Pompeii
There just aren't words to indicate how proud the Floyd were of their new dental work, and they searched endlessly for a way to bring their pearly beige choppers to the public eye. An endorsement from Colgate Whitening Strips fell through when it was revealed that the English were using them on their forearms and legs, so the lads decided to join the cast of "Real World" instead. Although most of the footage has been transported to the year 2025 when all personal property is regulated by the State, there are still several scenes in which the lads can be seen sparking fags while enjoying blueberry pie, coffee, red wine, and many other staining food items from the Pepsodent commercials. Educated, moneyed Englishmen speaking with food in their mouths had a profound effect upon the concert film genre, and echoes of this film are present in such documentaries as "The Foppish Heads: Stop Making Cents", "Jessica Simpson: My Ex-husband is Banging a Brown Chick Tour", and Zamfir's dark "The Panflute Blows For Thee" trilogy. Digitally remastered, "RW:P" can now be enjoyed with cheesy 80's effects added to the original footage, apparently with duct tape. While watching the video, I was impressed by how hard they played to an audience of, like, 8 roadies and some technical dudes. I wondered how their groupie sex was that night... didn't you?
[edit] The Post Waters Floyd (1980-2007)
After The Wall, Roger grew bored with the Floyd and wanted out causing conflicts in his relationship with Dave. One tragic night in 1980, Roger strangled, kicked, beat, punched, flagellated, burned, and stabbed Dave upon learning that he wished their relationship to end. In the chaos, Dave struggled to a phone and called Nick and Rick, who rushed to their cambridge flat and quickly restrained Roger while Dave called the cops. Roger faced five years in jail for assault and battery but Dave decided not to press charges and got a restraining order instead. Through all this, the Floyd lived on and the band completed several projects in this time period.
N.B. - Roger Waters has recently claimed responsibility for the Hurricane Floyd of 1999. Closer inspection of the satellite images reveals said hurricane looking uncannily like a Wizard of Oz Soundtrack vinyl.
[edit] A Momentary (Pro)Lapse Of Treason
Pink Floyd came back to released this comeback album in 1987. The title refers to the 18th century punishment for treason of inducing a rectal prolapse. In addition to being a punitive act, it was also done for fun. Notable recipients of this punishment were (in no particular order) as follows:
1) Your mum 2) My arse 3) Anthony Eden (aka Lord Avon Calling) 4) Jenny Eclair (later shot for being an unfunny bint) 5) James Gandalf Arnolfini 6) Lord Haw-Haw, Ho-ho-hoe-down 7) Norwood Park (by Dick Wright) 8) Chi-Town Troll (also by Dick Wright) 9) Drink My Man Cheese
It sold exactly 1 and a half copies worldwide.
[edit] The Division Bell End
Originally intended to contain just one song of 2 hours length, the band realised this was a silly idea, and so released a conventional album. Famous for the track "A Great Day For Freedom", rumoured to be about the Ottoman Empire, although some claim it is a paeon to Josef Stalin. Also meeting success, albeit moderate, was the lead-off single "Take a Bath," promoted by a giant pig-with-shower-cap balloon tethered to New York City's Empire State Building.
[edit] Reunion
On February of 2000, all the world sang together in joy over the Pink Floyd reunion, where original members Bob Klose, Syd Barrett, Seamus the dog, and four unlit backup musicians performed at Bob Geldof's living room concert stadium to raise money to buy up the entire pressing of Roger Waters' opera Ca Ira. Taking these off the market has been declared Geldolf's greatest humanitarian achievement.
Roger and Dave spoke for the first time in twenty years, and it was to each other. Realizing they were always meant to be together, they reunited for a fiscally unprecedented 14-year world tour. According to Nick and Dick, Pink Floyd has disbanded for the time being. Dick wanted to continue having sex with quiet, shy, brainy, and beautiful girls in Chicago. He also wanted to seduce them with his erotic Leslie speaker which is a common fetish. So, they're finally being left out. Thank God. Let's hope they don't read it here!
[edit] Rebreakup
The Floyd attempted to perform a show on the rooftop of a Starbucks in March of 2005 in which they pinky-swore they would play, in it's entirety, Yngwie Malmsteen's "Concerto Suite For Electric Guitar and Orchestra in Eb Minor Op. 1" and Eddie Murphy's "Party All the Time" with "Hey There Delilah" as a possible encore. All of this fell through of course after the Plain White T's heard that Roger Waters planned to turn "Hey There Delilah" into a 24 minute epic tribute to the life, death, and ultimate resurrection of Syd Barrrett and the Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Barney Fife.
Any further attempts at another reunion were put on hold when drummer and invisible member Nick Mason was swept up in Senator Larry Craig's Bathroom Remodeling/Sex Solicitation of Jesse James by the Coward Barney Fife featuring Macy Gray on Background Vocals and Harmony Dulcimer.
After the rebreakup Waters created his greatest/most shallow solo album "Waters Broke: Please Baby Milk Milk Lemonade" which no one really cared about. The album had a resonance similar to that of a brick wall, which Waters invented.
[edit] John Mayer
For a brief extended period of Time (get it?) the Floyd and John Mayer shared a Body that was a Wonderland (get it?). Basically Gilmour and Mayer's guitar faces and Waters' growing anger (and prostate) caused Sylvia Browne to merge the musical forces together into an animal-human hybrid. Michael Medved said it was more magical than true love and (thankfully) went back to being ignorant and fear-mongering from Bill O'Reilly's breast pocket instead of pretending he knows how to review films.
[edit] Unrealesed Material
It is well known that Pink Floyd have at least 50,000,000 unreleased songs. Most of them strange experiments made by Syd Barrett when he was bored and during commercial breaks on the superbowl. The song most sought after by fans, titled "Lolwut" Which was recorded during the short time that Tupac Shakur was a member of the band. However the song turned out to be a bootleg of a Tupac show recorded by Roger Waters in an attempt to make quick cash. Some people claim that about 45% of Pink Floyds unreleased songs are in fact created by Roger, so fans have a reason to look up the bands name again, and eventually buy their 495 year old records. Other songs include: "Eat thy last egg" and "Cadaver" Many of these songs are included on various bootleg collections, the most famous being "A Shitful of Crap." Some songs on the collection are good material, But 99.9 % of the album is low quality recordings of David Gilmour and Nick Mason taking a shit in one of Roger's bass guitars.
[edit] The Album That Never Was
Recently, An unknown Pink Floyd song was sold on ebay (Possibly by Roger Waters) The song is exactly 65 minutes long and is possibly a demo for an unreleased album. Bootleggers has dubbed the album "Coke Campaign For America" It features no guitar what so ever, But 178 people playing cello and Nick Mason on harmonica and eating a chickenpie(without any crust). About 40 minutes into the song you can hear a man screaming, this is believed to be the sound of one of Dave's and Roger's wild sexgames that occurred during the recording. 5 minutes before the song ends, David Gilmour starts singing strange lyrics about how he found a dead rat in his basement and ate it. At about 63 minutes into the song Roger screams "ORANGE JUICE WITHOUT CRUST" and is followed by some more people screaming and then you hear what appears to be the tuning of a guitar, but the song abruptly ends there. Many believe there exists a part 2, But all members of the band have denied such rumours. (Except Roger; he can still make money out of this.) A couple of roadies claim that they have in fact heard this "part 2" and they say it was a 25 minute, LSD filled, guitar orgasm. David Gilmour was very angry over their statement and proceeded to sue them for $50,000,000, for claiming that he recorded a 25 minute guitar solo after taking LSD. He did not win the case, for reasons obvious (unless you look like This). But David still, to this day, fights to rid all rumors that it exists. No one really knows why Gilmour claims this, and frankly, no one cares.
[edit] Syd Barrett's Beerfest
While Syd Barrett Still was a member of the band, they recorded a double album entitled "Beer For Dummies and Shrimp Cocktails For Homosexuals." This album was never released, as Syd sold it to a roadie after an entire night drinking. The roadie has been confirmed as Donald Trump and he says he still has the album in his possession, but he refuses to let anyone hear it. Roger Waters has since then disliked Donald Trump, calling him "one of the people that stops me from making money" David Gilmour however, never wants this album to be released, as it contains one of those awkward moments when he fell asleep during the recording. This leading to half the album missing guitar.
[edit] David Gilmour's Wheel Chair Shenanigans Movie
After his success with Pink Floyd and his solo career with Tom Hanks, Gilmour made a movie to the sounds of Oscar Wilde's "Wheel Chair Shenanigans" (1969). It stared Tom Cruise and David Gilmour. As usual Roger Waters was very angry with people not paying attention to him. Waters tried to shut the film down by insisting that his new album 'Why I should be allowed to make a movie with Tom Hanks' was clearly a better choice and all resulted in financial landslides and the return of French philosopher René Descartes (apparently). Rumours had escaped of Descartes' appearence, though skeptics pointed out that, being dead for over 43300 years, he would not hold a valid passport, and not be able to gain entry to the UK. Current media speculation holds the view that Waters, Gilmour and Descartes will unite to record a philosophy/audio meditation on the nature of mouldy cheese.
Barmy British Stuff 
