Pissant

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Definition[edit]

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Meriam-Webster's English Dictionary defines a pissant as "one who is insignificant." Mr. Meriam Webster himself was in fact a pissant, so his definition may be somewhat biased. "Pissant," in the modern American sense of the word, can be more aptly defined as "one who is Alan Colmes." The original definition in the Anglo-Saxon tradition, however, had a more complex meaning, giving the word "pissant" itself a more intellectual connotation: "One who pisses out ants."

Modern pissants often take on insect-like characteristics and are defined by their insignificant roles in life.

Ant Pissing[edit]

The practice of Ant Pissing, or releasing ants from one's penis, was begun in ancient Britain by King Arthur and his knights of the round table. Although the tradition eventually became a sporting event, it started completely randomly, based on the whims of one man. One day, while sitting around the round table, King Arthur and his knights had nothing to do. Legend has it that it was Sir Gawain who stood and proclamed, "Aye doth sae, Aye hafeth no thyng to do on thys daig! Would it north be awsometh if Aye could eject insects from myne weiner!" To anyone else of the time, this would have been an absurd statement, but King Arthur and his knights had a magical old fart in their midst named Merlin, who was known for preforming strange and kinky acts. Merlin waved his magical wand and all of the knights began pissing out ants. Most of them were horrified, and King Arthur suffered from a heart attack as well as a male yeast infection.

Pissing Ants as a Sport[edit]

There is strong evidence that early pissants competed with each other in sporting-like events. The contenders would would spend weeks drinking and holding their pee. Then thousands would gather in a coliseum to watch as the contestants released their ant-filled urine. Judges declared the victor based on 1.) volume of ants 2.) volume of piss and 3.) the length the contestants were able to squirt their ant-piss.

See Also[edit]