Planet A
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“No one gives a shit about Planet A, why should I? For shock value? Because that's just plain ignorant.”
~ Peter Griffin on Planet A
“Are you sure it exists? If it does, can I have dibs on its Uncyclopedia server?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Planet A
“Son of a Bitch planet stole my identity! I kkkiiilllll him!”
~ Planet X on Planet A
“Anyone who wants to catch my second coming, go to Planet A from the 23rd of January to the 24th of December!”
~ Jesus Christ on the fact that his second coming will be on a Planet that probably doesn't exist
Contents |
[edit] History
Planet A first appeared in an old Daffy Duck cartoon. In this particular cartoon, it was shown as one of the planets A to Z, a distant relative of Planet X. Scientists have, however, found conclusive information that proves that Planet A is on the opposite side of the sun to Earth. Because of this, no-one will ever be sure it even exists. It follows the same orbit of Earth. Because of this, it has been written down by NASA in a new category, "loner Planet."
Planet A is not part of the so-called "planetary line" which planets B to Z are made of. Planet A is a more of a loner planet than Planet U, and more of an emo planet than Planet X-marks-the-cut. It is on the opposite side of the sun to the others. Therefore, it attracts very little tourism, which is unfortunate, because Planet A depends on its tourism for income.
[edit] Why should you care?
Why shouldn't you care? Planet A should have all the privilages that Earth gets, like politicians, communists, and spoofs of encyclopedia uncyclopedia websites.
There are many clubs which supporters of Planet A can join to meet other Planet A fans, but in the long run, Planet A has no friends or help available.
[edit] Inhabitants
Planet A is home to a race of aliens called the Chimera, deadly creatures who come to Earth through the form of PlayStation 3 games and take over the minds of gamers when they get to the 23rd level. In reality, the Chimera are harmless. The first PlayStation 3 they beamed down was Resistance: Fall of Man, a stupid game with 40 players online and 2 player co-op. It sounded great, except that everyone who owned Resistance: Fall of Man were nerds, or rich f@#$ers with enough money to buy a PS3. The Chimera saw this as useless seeing as nerds and rich f&^%ers with enough money to buy PS3 have no minds to take over. Perhaps an even bigger blunder was designing the game with only 22 levels. The next game that hit the shelevs to come off the Chimera was Super Monkey Ball Extreme. This game sucked, so the Chimera's plans failed yet again. As of yet the Chimera are still planning to make a game that will conquer Earth, but since all the next-gen consoles are f^@#ed, they will never succeed.
[edit] Public Appreciation
Planet A has been accepted by little, being quoted as:
“Worst... Planet... Ever!”
~ Comic Book Guy on Planet A
However, all astronomers and scientists have learned to accept that Planet A exists (like the Jews and Christians.)
[edit] The Facts
In December of 2005, President Homer Simpson declared that Planet A be researched in fuller detail. That evening, president Homer Simpson was murdered by the rising Peter Griffin, who soon replaced him as president. He banned all research of Planet A from reaching fruition.
Last week, in an alternate 1955, Einie, Doc Brown and Marty McFly found the incomplete research and decided, rather than finishing the DeLorean, to finish the research.
It was found that Planet A has 17 rings, because the simple algorithm of:
Failed to parse (lexing error): ''12-7"+6x''
...when including a 17, makes A in Morse Code. It was also found that Planet A has an "A" marked on its surface. The Chimera, the suppossed inhabitants of Planet A, were not present in 1955 -- they are only setting up a uninpermenent base.
Images of Planet A had been taken from the spacecraft Planet Express Ship, but since Planet A is only 20, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000mm from the sun, the images could not be recovered. Planet A faces a grim future, as its gravity is slowing and no one on Earth wants to save it. It is possible that Planet A will be sucked into the sun by July 27th, 2007. Until then, supporters of the lonesome planet will have to watch and pray.
[edit] A Message
This edited message from the Chimera has been found:
"People of Earth, we gladly accept the fact that we are different. As such, we would like this chance to declare peace within our two species. There has been a lot of pressure between our worlds, and our rush released Playstation 3 games have only appeared so bad because the launch of the console was delayed to March. I hope we can overcome our differences without bickering, destroying of creatures, and violence. Of course, you must be aware that in our customs, whilst wielding weapons of mass destruction, we can gain trust and it is a sign of helplessness, and they are mainly for show, but if you earthlings are afraid, we shall get rid of them. After all, they can make a loud boom! Thank you for your time and patience."
Peace Out! From the Chimera.
