Planet Express

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Planet Express is a commercial space flight service founded in 1701 by Oscar Wilde.It has flights to Jupiter, Mercury, Mars, Neptune, Pluto, the edge of the milky way, the moon (before Bob destroyed it in 1996), the Andromeda galaxy, and Planet X, the only source of the shaving cream molecule.

Temporal Cartoon[edit]

All information about Planet Express comes courtesy a new development in Temporal Physics where information about the future is broadcast in cartoon form so as to avoid paradoxes. Vital information about global catastrophies, alien invasions and recipes were to be transmitted via this innovative format. Unfortunately, it was found that viewers were more interested in watching Football than acting on this information.

A Planet Express ship finishing a delivery of high explosives to the Moon, circa 1996.
This was the last delivery ship to the Moon before it blew up in an unrelated incident.

Delivery Ships[edit]

All Planet Express ships use the innovative space-faring technology where the ship itself remains fixed in one place, and the universe is pulled to and fro to navigate the ship to its destination. A fleet of ships were designed and built, but only one remains after the rest were lost in the parking lot of Mega-Super-Giganto Mart in the Anubis cluster of the galaxy.

Employing a crew of 10, including a doctor, the ship's staff is constantly being replaced due to an employee search listing intended for Monster.com was accidentally misdirected to Monsters.com, a food-search website that assists monsters in finding victims. The monsters would order turnip twaddlers from the home shopping channel, and when the delivery ship showed up, consume the contents. This is what led to the policy of refusing C.O.D. deliveries, due to complaints from merchants for non-payment; the monsters often were not paying for their deliveries after consuming the crew.


Robots[edit]

Each Planet Express ship is equipped with at least one Robot. In a strange twist, the future world of robots is not governed by Asimov's 3 Laws of Robotics, but instead by the lyrics of Frank Zappa's Joe's Garage. Instead of being Your Plastic Pal who's always fun to be with, early AI-based robots instead enlslaved humanity and chose instead to elevate wombats to the status of dominant species. After the wombats started chewing on wires, the androids decided instead to free the humans, whose primitive teeth were insufficient to damage robot wiring.

History[edit]

Planet Express ships delivered the first shipment of transparent aluminum to the needy people of the planet Endor, where their population perfected the near-invisible Ewok spear to finally rid themselves of the parasitic species.

Calvin Coolidge flew a Planet Express ship in 1823 to planet Pepto Bismal, where people danced to a song he wrote on the way.

Moon[edit]

Planet Express started flights to the moon in 1969 when Louis Armstrong and Buzz Lightyear flew the delivery ship there. But unfortunately the moon blew up in 1996. Due to the resultant tidal cycle chaos, this led to the great Tidal Revolution of 1998, when penguins took over most coastal cities and used their armaments to obliterate the walruses and seals, their sworn enemies.


Famous Members[edit]