Planners from Outer Space
Have you ever found yourself, alone in your in your star fighter, wondering why can't I be a success? Or maybe you have been seated in your Intragalactic Senate Meeting listening to some pompous emmissary from another planet go on and on and on about his problems, and you just wish you could push a shiny red button and blow him, but can't find the creative will to go ahead and do it? Have all your paradigms been shattered? Your change agent exposed as the poseur that that they really are?
Face it: something is just stopping you from reaching your goals - something that is keeping you from the success that you irrationally feel is due you?
Because its good to have ones Tarwinnian Lizards in a row, Planners from Outer Space knows best how to help you and your Overlord reach a level of excellence and success in the invasion and conquest of planets in and outside your own solar system.
Why would you, a members of a race smarter than any human need a strategic plan to conquer another world? Well, just as a family vacation to Sagus 17 in season for the rising of the Eno Sun is always a hit, one must have a map, a plan, for getting the family ship to Sagus 17 is the quickest fashion possible. That plan also should have your Living Pod reserved at the best resort on the planet, or you’ll spend the next light year listening to your mate complaining out of all six of her mouths about how you should have expanded your elliptical obit of the black hole in the Crab Nubula instead of trying to take a short cut. And seriously, who wants that!
Planners from Outer Space performs a similar duty as your intergalactic travel agent. Our independent consultants provide the proper perspective and dynamic professional backgrounds to make sure that your plans don’t go awry, or that you are lead by your breathing apparatus into personal pissing match between one of your Generals and an entire race of puny little people.
As part of our Space Planning Services, our consultants will perform a thorough SWOT Analysis with your Leader and your military generals to make sure that your opportunities are at their maximum advantage.
Never heard of a SWOT you say? It stands for Strength, Weakness, Opportunity and Threat analysis – well take an indepth look at what your goals are and what could lead to your success or obliteration from the face of the Universe.
Case in point, when mutant viral bacteria from Pluto desired an attack on the planet Earth, they contacted Planners from Outer Space about the best way to launch there attack. We worked with them to examine all aspects of their planned campaign, and after careful and honest examination of their options, helped them to reach a decision to call off the planned invasion. Why? Well while their chemical make up would bring certain death to any earthling who ingested them, the larger issue was how were they going to transport themselves to earth and how they were protect themselves from Oxygen and sunlight– two compounds that would spell immediate death for any of the viral bacteria. In the end it was decided that planned invasion wasn’t as easy as the Overload of Pluto was convinced it would be.
Outdated plans can be a real problem. Change Management can solve that. Let one of our Change Management Gurus help you out in this matter. After all change can be a powerful force in the universe. The ADKAR model for individual change management was developed by Prosci with input from more than 1000 organizations from 59 countries on 29 planets. This model describes five required building blocks for change to be realized successfully on an individual level. The building blocks of the ADKAR Model include:
1. Awareness – of why the change is needed 2. Desire – to support and participate in the change 3. Knowledge – of how to change 4. Ability – to implement new skills and behaviors 5. Reinforcement – to sustain the change
Examples of our work
Plan One From Outer Space: Resulted in the creation of the human dominated universe that we in the business call the Sun Universe. Topo the Gio from the Reticulum Dwarf Galaxy wanted to experiment with life giving forms that would create tiny planets and itsy bitsy living organisms. Not only did we find space for this experiment, but we also helped with the design of DNA structures. Naturally, he was concerned with the idea of creating a pure scientific community, so we suggested that that he include an omnipotent Christian God theory to keep the buggers under control. And you know, its working fine, and keeping those pesky human forms from becoming universal pests.
Do you guarantee success?
We are master planners, however we can not stop other factors beyond our control from coming into play.
In earth year 1958, Eros from planet Eroica came to us with an idea of taking over a Planet Hollywood. We were dubious of the prospects as Eroica is part of the Fuck Up Nebula, but we still worked with them and see what we could solve for them. All went well, but strongly suggested that Eros not wear a satin uniform, and if possible, build a space vehicle of something more than cardboard. We called this plan, Plan 9 from Outer Space. However Eros was vain little being, cheap and high maintenance as well, and he chose not to follow our plan or listen to our advice. Instead he chose to follow his ego, and boy was he sorry - when he failed, failed miserably, and then the Fuck Wit blamed us. We sued in the Court of High Intergalactic Justice and won, banishing Eros to the Venereal Nebula.
Sound Good to you?
If our services sound like they can help your reach your orgainzations goals, strive for success beyond your greatest dreams and overcome your bad self image, then select Omer Ubber Over Wave length and text your request to 65267-7-87.