“I need some "plumbing" in my arse/ass”
Plumbers are cleverly disguised weapons of mass destruction. They were first introduced as people who would fix your toilet. But that's just what they wanted you to think. Their main weapon is the deadly plumber crack. This occurs when the plumbers bend over and reveal their buttcrack. There has to be something growing in there, like moldy cheese. I, the writer, am a survivor of this horrific torture. It's not pleasant. If this tactic doesn't work they do the unthinkable... ask for a glass of water. The only tactic to escape this known to man is to just tell them that you have no clean dishes. Luckily, when I encountered this problem I remembered a program I had seen on the Discovery Channel. Contrary to popular beleeif, if you punch a plumber in the nose, they don't go away... they take you to court. Some more advanced plumbers have guns in their oh so dangerous cracks. If you are mailed the ever dangerous flyer by one of these feinds than do not open it. It may carry SARS. I advise burning it or huffing it. Stay away from all plumbers, I can speak from first hand experience, they are dangerous.
Legend has it that the plumber buttcrack was invented by Richard Simmons because he found it sexy. It has not been confirmed but it has been hinted before. The most famous of these incidents was when Richard Simmons was Primce William's date to a costume party. The prince was a Nazi, Richard was a plumber.
If you are approached by a plumber tell them that your neighbor has a leaky toilet and huge boobs. They like these things. Better it's their problem than yours. Also, plumbers are highly overweight and not athletic. Therefore, if you tell them that you know kung fu they will go fix your hot neighbor's crapper. If none of these strategies work then do the obvious, kick them in the balls.
Possible Relatives of the Plumber
It is a widley accepted theory that plumbers are related to Mexican yardworkers. They both kinda scare you and are doing the work you don't want to do. Although it is fun to laugh at these "people" don't say it to their faces, they are dangerous. Another Mexican relative of the plumbers is the streetside flower sellers. They are just poor, not dangerous. If they do become aggresive, just hit them with your car. Avoid all of these beings, and perhaps you'll live.