Plunger fucking

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A "plunger fucking" is a sexual act used primarily by the NYPD.

The act involves the use of the handle of a plunger, and a person's rectum. The plunger's handle is inserted in to the anus un-lubed and viciously rammed in to the rectum until the victim becomes unconscious or orgasms, or both.


Plunger fucking was developed by German scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Nazi Germany towards the end of the 1950s, in 1942. During the invasion of Poland, four thousand German scientists were sequestered by Adolph Hitler and sent to the secret underground laboratory known as "Mittlewerk" -- which is German for "That secret underground laboratory known as 'Mittlewerk.' " The "secret" laboratory was conveniently located at the center of the Earth, its walls reinforced with one mile of translucent concrete.

The idea for plunger fucking was simple. Germany needed a weapon that could deliver maximum destructive power over short distances up The Allies' asses. After months of laborious design, the result was an intricate stick with a hollow rubber bell attached to one end, and a long thick handle. The prototype was labeled "V-3," and although it was being tested heavily, it was never used in combat; the Allies destroyed Mittlewerk on their unstoppable surge to Berlin. Dr. Hector Gonzales Reichman, Phd Bm, head of the Plunger Fucking Anti-bacterial Soap Division at NASA, said that, "had it not been for World War II and the importation of thousands of Nazi war-criminal scientists in to The United States government's atomic bomb discotheque, plunger fucking would absolutely not exist in its present form."

At the end of the war, Nazi scientists were given an ultimatum: immunity for their involvement with the German war machine in exchange for Nazi secrets, or, a terrible public execution by relentlessly unfunny Jerry Lewis movies. The ultimatum was a giant ruse, however. Germany's advanced military knowledge was greatly beneficial to The United States and considered a major asset to its national security. The scientists were given twenty four hours to decide their fate. Not suprisingly, Fifteen hundred of the same scientists who once worked for Adolph Hitler on his Plunger Fucking ideas, ironically, were now working for Uncle Sam. The bluff had worked. In the late 1950s, during the height of The Cold War, President John F. Kennedy -- understanding that nuclear war was a possibility -- asked the scientists for a plunger that could be tipped with a one megaton warhead. This new plunger, code named "Big Belle," was first tested on October 4th, 1958 at 2:19 A.M in the Eastern desert of New Mexico. The blast was visible from four hundred miles away and completely obliterated dummy large intestines at a radius of two miles.

The test did not go unnoticed by The USSR. Nikita Khrushchev, The First Secretary of The Soviet Union, took great umbrage at the West's burgeoning atomic might. In respone, which was largely a political move, Secretary Khrushchev forced the bumbling Soviet scientists to copy every project their embedded KGB spies could steal from The United States. Due to the rampant support for Communism in the highest levels of the United States Government, Top Secret ideas were not hard to export out of the country. Six months after Krushchev's directions, Moscow tested its first nuclear tipped plunger warhead -- with one major exception: Instead of a one megaton warhead like American's "Big Belle," the Russian bomb was three megatons. Over the Siberian wasteland, on March 30th, 1959, the soviets dropped their bomb from a stolen American B-24 bomber. The blast cloud had a diameter of thirty miles. Terrifyingly, the explosion was felt all the way to Australia. This was the begining of the Arms Race.

To the Moon[edit]


Plunger fucking gained public notoriety in 1997 after a man named Abner Louima was violated by plunger in the bathroom of a Brooklyn, New York, police station. The police said that Mr. Louima solicited for the rape and was "high on that crack cocaine." Even though the "attack" left Mr. Louima with a perforated rectum, he was found guilty of being a poor ashy negro and sentenced to three years as a cum bucket at Rikers Island Penitentiary.

Since his release, Abner Louima has forgotten his ambition to become a homeless Times Square tap dancer. In 2004, Abner moved back to his native Haiti. He currently owns a plumbing company which specializes in plungers.

In Pop-Culture[edit]

  • Elton John named the title of his 80th album: The tail of two plungers
  • In the opening scene of the seventh Shrek sequel, "Donkey" says to Shrek, "Yo', Shreks, whacho' thinkin' 'bouts?," to which Shrek replies, "Plunger fucking."