Pokémon (anime)

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The Pokemon Anime is a show based upon the writings of manga writer Mr. David Suzuki. He dealt with the depravity in his career sufficiently and created the Pokemon, a manga that would soon become a game, then a show, then finally a trading card game. Then a bunch of other stuff. Like costumes and um stuff?

Plot[edit]

A boy named Ash Ketchum (catch 'em) is on a mission to catch every Pokémon, (For those of you who dont know what pokemon are, they are a bunch of furry animals who have magical powers and are organic biological WMDs) and to defeat a rival named Gary. But this will never happen because they add new pokémon every year and ash never makes any attempt to catch any more of them, it's pretty obvious that all of Ash's "friends" figured this out and left but because Ash's IQ is around -97 he won't get the gist of it until he get's radiation poisoning (is that even possible?) from pikachu and all the other characters have an intervention to tell them that there is no point trying to catch anymore. After leaving his home forever at the ripe age of 10, he is joined in his quest by Misty, a 14 year old girl whose pants are so unimaginably short they defy all known geometric properties and you could can look away from her and you will still see up them, somehow but this is what makes boys to continue watching this damn show because they later on wank to pictures of her from the uncensored Japanese version and all the fan fiction's based on her, it's not even difficult to find them, in fact there's an entire website called AllThingsMisty (no sane person would visit that site). Later he is accompanied by Brock , a 22-year-old blind Jamaican male who wants to breed with pokemon. In order to begin his quest, Ash meets up with a very strange old man called Professor Oak, who appears to be a freindly adult. Professor Oak, in order to begin "relations," gives Ash an electric rat, rendering him unconscious; this is his time to shine. The events that followed were swift and unspeakable...

Ash wakes up, grabs his cheek abused electric rat, who is called "Pikachu", named after a famous Hitler. The duo then meet a feisty pokemon called Misty, who pretends to be human.

At this point they reach a city named Viagra City, boys and men who live there dont need pokemon to fight, they now have a sword in their pants. Named after a very popular tourist attraction to all kinds of dirty people going through mid-life crises, a whole bunch of people attempt to seduce Ash into going into a strip club. While there, he meets an evil gang posing as strippers. They do their Team Rocket motto and proceed to kill Ash. They then explode 500 feet into the air, get impaled on the peak of mount Kilimanjaro, get strapped to an H-Bomb that goes off then some guy pretending to be himself kills them. But they survive and go after Ash and his pikachu for the rest of their miserable lives. They never get anywhere and usually find themselves trying to convince some kid that he's a wizard. Doesn't work out.

Ash, Pikachu and Misty become inseparable partners and travel to Dianetics City, where the gym leader, Ron Hubbard, promises a free personality test if they can beat him at his gym. It turns out that there is no Scientology gym, and it was just a horny eyeless dude named Brock in need of a shag and getting away from his crack addicted family. Needless to say, the group expands and nothing really happens. They just walk around in circles until someone gives them a map.

Along the way, many adventures unfold. These include the twerp's endless struggles with Team Rocket, one of which involves James, the male member, masquerading as a woman and entering a beauty contest on the beach with fake hooters that he can inflate to two feet wide each and then insulting the breast size of a child (we are being serious here, he did actually insult the breast size of a Misty. Don't believe me? look up 'beauty and the beach'). Not only that, but along the way, millions of Japanese children get epileptic seizures, NYPD swat members run rampant, Ash catches a Charmillionaire, Misty gets saddled with a fucked up Nazi egg demon, and several times through the series, lesbian Pokégirls emerge from the scum. And a nuke goes of somewhere but we'll talk about that later.

Ash enters a Pokémon tournament, only to get his ass whooped in the sweet sixteen by a gay piece of scum with a Pikachu of his own. (this piece of scum is only known by one name: Richie, and he may be the lovechild of Jimbo Wales and Cher).Then he meets a female proffesor named Ivy. Unfortunately, Brock sees this as his chance to kick his little Brock into action that doesn't involved his carpal tunnel infected, greased up hand. And then a bunch of stuff happens off screen where Brock the biggest Asian stereotype ever when a paint bucket falls on his head making yellow, he bites his tongue meaning he can only speak engrish and he goes into a laundromat where the manager gives him the rank of manager. Later on said laundromat get's raided by the police because there's an illegal gambling and video piracy operation going on downstairs. So trendy.

On his way Ash meets an overweight not homosexual man with a lisp named Tracey. They travel for a while, but no one gives a shit about him. His sketchbook is merely a ruse he uses to hide his not-gay porn in. Ash promptly ditches Tracey and brings Brock back from some lesbian's island's slut hole since everybody loved the old trio.

So they go to the Joe Toe region, a massive region filled with pimps like Dr. Nanba Fiorello Daddio "The Science Gangster" McFucko (a nerdy man who wants to have a young gay male white Pokémon that looks like a cross between a dragon and a bird for a lover, but if you make fun of him he'll pop a dildo in your ass because he's just that gangsta, yo!)

Pikachu also discovers he's attracted to ketchup (there's several several episodes on the romance between him and bottles of ketchup).

Ash finally hands the damn Gratuitous Sex Ball to the nasty old man and keeps going, fighting all the trainers he needs to enter the regional Pokémon championship, the Dick Tag Competition, where no one gets out without being humiliated. The unfortunate thing is that he wastes what seems like years to get there. At one point, he even meets up with that gay ass Richie again on the Leekspin islands where obscure pulp culture references are made, and other assholes like this guy named Todd, a guy who has a fetish for taking photographs of his shriveled penis, and Casey, some mentally challenged little girl who is obsessed with baseball and sticking her fingers in electrical outlets (Hey, all we need is a hermaphrodite named Stacey, and we'll complete the set).

Then, Ash goes to a competition and loses in eighth to some dude named Harrison who in all likelihood collects crappy video game consoles and sleeps with them. Naked. In the night air, with no covers. Sometimes when he's horny he probably jacks off to them.

He also meets Harley, some she-male who cut off (some of) his dick and balls cock and bollocks male genitalia and acts like a girl. He's extremely obsessed with Cacturne and has one for a lover. He (the Cacturne) is Harley's only friend.

But Ash still doesn't get how stupid he is and travels to a new land named Hoein, promptly up and leaving his old friends Misty and Brock yet again. However, Misty is gone for good. That's right, the lovable bitch who was there since day one is gone. Ash meets a ten year old girl named May who has sixteen year old breasts and is practicing to be a teen liberal porn star. May decides to try out the old chest-thrusting charm on Ash, but he doesn't get it. Then May meets her boyfriend who gets all pissed at her. Her boyfriend is actually her know-it-all little brother, Max. Oh yeah and her trousers are even shorter than Misty's, they're so short it defies all logic and was the reason mathematicians and physicists head's randomly exploded and then grew back again and then exploded and well it just kept on happening.

Rednecks!

So, in the Hoe in region, nirvana of promiscuity, the three travel through the land, until...holy crap, it's Brock! When the trio encounters a gang of very horny escorts, Brock valiantly sacrifices himself, and uses his manly charms to turn the escorts into lesbians. After the unintentional mauling, the trio laments over Brock's death, only to discover that Brock was playing a practical joke on them, and the corpse was his dad with a facelift. Relieved, they continue to travel to meet new friends and new foes. May gets two of these when she decides to start competing in Beauty Contests: O hai-...err, I mean Drew and Harley.

But all is not well. Two evil teams are on the loose; these are Team Agua and Team Magnum. Team Agua is a ragtag team of Spanish people who want to resurrect their dios, Kyogre. Team Magnum is a bunch of really ultra-Christian people from a certain other region, who think they're trying to resurrect God, when in reality they're really resurrecting the cute Sailor Groudon! Awww!

Fortunately, Pikachu is the one who surprisingly ends it all when he rips off Dragonball Z!

Sailor Groudon: What does the scouter say about his power level?

Kyogre: It's OVER 9000!!!

Pikachu: Piii...KAAAA...CHUUUUUUUU!!!!

After the insanity, they ran off to the Hoein Championship where Team Rocket's Meowth met his alter-ego, Puss In Boots! But Ash lost in 8th again, this time to Tyson, some retard with an odd haircut who'd be better off having sex in prison. Oh well, at least he beat the guy with King Kai's voice.

Then Ash goes to the Battle Frontier, which consists of a birdophile, a testosterone woman, a gay fairy dude with a massive pants bulge, a slut with a China fetish, a talking beard, an androgynous fortune teller, and finally, a Village People member who pilots a flying pyramid. He must earn the badges from these characters in order to win the league. Along the way, many other entertaining adventures occur, including an old hairy-armpit bearded dude dressed as a baby mime! Also, Harley dresses like May! You can't script this stuff!

...Oh wait, you can.

Then when Ash finally wins, he promptly ditches everyone again and runs into the hairy guy who whoops his ass. Therefore, Ash decides he will travel to the ten billionth new region...

Ash enters the God Hates Faggots League, in the region of Jesusland. The odd names are quite a mystery to Ash, until he learns from some local dude that a new team called the Westboro Baptists, led by Fred Phelps. Eventually, Ash gains the friend of Dawn, the girl who you can get a panty shot of even if you're just two inches shorter than her because her skirt is so goddamn short.

Ash, Dawn and their ever-present friend, Brock, travel off into the future where they will presumably have many more adventures to come, which will be covered here. In the meantime, get yourself a cappuccino. And watch out for Team Rocket...

...on second thoughts, don't. They rule. Even though their shitty plans never work. Ever. EVER. That's right you three so shut up and listen to me rant for 10 minutes about why ride to hell retribution is the worst game ever. Wait? What does this have to do with pokémon? Nothing. But oh well let's just get on with the magical adventures of a boy who sodomizes his electric rat. Oh and you're a wizard harry you little wank stain!

Ash tries to win the Sinnoh Championship, but he gets defeated by a metal fag with a team made of Legendary Pokemon !

In the second to last episode (in the season), Dawn is kidnapped and nearly gets drowned, but, as usual, Team Rocket gets their asses pwned again. In the last episode, the Pokégirl virus invades the universe and everybody has wild fantasies of the opposite sex naked. After the fantasies, Dawn goes home, Brock became a doctor so he can work with Nurse Joy and try to rape her, and Ash leaves the Sinnoh Region entirely. Then Ash vacations in New York city, which the Japanese just made a Pokemon region.

While Ash's mom and Proffesor Oak go home, they leave Ash in New York and then there's 'an entire season when Ash tries to win gym battles in New York while traveling with a green-haired fag named Cillian and a black chick with giant purple hair and a dream to become "dragon master" named Iris-myballs.'

In this series amazing things happen that includes Ash's 7th sex change and battling a Team Plasma: A non-profit charity organisation who aim to help the homeless and injured pokemon. Who also help donate blood and organs to people who really need it. But then Ash and his friends came along and destroyed the organisation, ruined everything and then raped Iris. In retaliation she stole Ash's bike. And then for some reason the Nigga stole My Bike song started playing and it basically just became the chase from that video. Then the next series started when Barry the Baptist showed up but couldn't keep up. Then the new series immediately started. Makes you wonder who the Italic textREAL BAD GUYSare!

Now what of that new series? Did Ash finally die? Which would of made all the wars end and AID's and cancer and HIV and polio and Ebola and smallpox and poverty and pain and suffering and hardships and corruption and crime disappear completely? We were so close. SO FUCKING CLOSE! He was out in the desert nearly about to die of dehydration and then he woke up back at home. It was all a dream. WHAT? Yeah, it turns out he did nearly die but all his old friends were out in the desert for some reason when they just happened to come across him and they took him home. We were so close. And because he didn't die Hitler came back to life and the holocaust happened all over again.

Well in the new series loads of shit happen that we won't talk about... ...actually we will. The alternative is listening to "Ring Fucking Ring Ring Fucking Ring phone call phone fucking call. Please pick up so you don't have to listen to us anymore." Yeah. If I hear that tune again I'm going to murder everyone at this fucking pokemon themed birthday party (bad luck eh?) and kill myself. Someone save me!

Now we'll talk about the next Ripping Yarn- I mean pokemon anime that takes place in Nazi occupied Fran-I mean not Nazi occupied Kalos region. How many fucking regions are there? They just add new ones every year. It's like they've just been discovered or that globe and atlas in Ash's room are useless. Well in this series Ash Ketchup abandons his old friends after they age because they forgot to take there medicine that stops them from ageing. However Ash takes his yearly medication that stops him from ageing and Pokemon continues for another year! In this region we're introduced to new people who have fingernails! Basically those new people include: Some dude called Clemont or something who does stuff or something, then there's his little sister (what?) who criticizes him about everything and then there's the other girl called Serena who doesn't do much other than complain about shit.


Characters[edit]

Ash, our "strong, fearless" leader.
May, our "hot" babe.
Admit it. You know you want to beat the crap out of her and say something witty.
Brock almost lost his virginity, but Ashhhh walked in. What a sad loser.
  • Ash - The show's main protagonist, although it was an unwise choice because he has an IQ hovering around room temperature - at least, if the room in question were an industrial refrigerator. He is almost never seen without a hat, and he wears a blue coat... every day. There are also some zig-zag marks on his cheeks, which probably got there after being zapped so many times by his very obtuse Pikachu. He's known for using Pikachu to shock bikes to attract the ladies, although that usually pisses them off. He also is known for the proclamation that he was going to catch every pokemon. Never in the entire series does he even make the attempt showing that he is a liar and should be pulled from the series (The protagonist now being Jack Bauer who will catch them all) Oh and he sodomizes Pikachu after he got told he was a wizar- I mean trainer and decided that it would be fun to shove his genitals up an electric rat. Didn't work out so well.
  • Misty - A GINGER character who's actually Stupid, although she's more bitchy than the queen of England. At first she just followed around Ash bitching around that she wanted a bike, but got over it. Later on she got controlled by an evil Togepi. She wears a thick yellow sweater and yellow sweatpants... every day. This show just started the Gingers Don't have soles meme again. Well come on, eventually she's going to put up a video called "Gingers do have soles".
  • May - A lonely girl who gets pissed at her homosexual "friends" every time they have an orgy next to her tent. She doesn't really do much other than walk around and I say how lovely the day is when really there's a war going on and innocent civilians are being murdered and stuff. That's why nobody likes her. That and a gentle breeze will throw her across the screen like socks in a drawer. She's pretty weird because she just is. Stop asking questions! We don't like her and she doesn't like us...wait.....she's probably got nothing against us so that means we really hate her. So May if you're reading this we hate you. That's what happens when you say our cookies are "not half bad" and when your little brother is smarter and funnier than you, you know you've failed at being the comic relief. Oh and a reminder is that Ash is an ass man not one who likes the breasts of a 16 year old on a 10 year old who can't tie her shoe laces and tell her left from her right and loses her mind and her face get's distorted and spontaneously combusts when she get's told her food will be delayed for 30 seconds. For off show exploits, see off screen jobs section.
  • Brock - Some pervert who wants to shag everything he meets, he has no eyes. Or he does and is the biggest Asian stereotype ever shown in modern media. You never know, he might a run a laundromat one day with an illegal gambling and video piracy operation underneath. And maybe even accidentally paint himself yellow and bite his tongue so he can only speak "engrish" OK maybe were taking this too far. Well he does want to be a Pokemon pimp breeder. Than means he takes part in bestiality breeding pokemon. Never the less he still has a pimping role just like in Black and White 2. You know that God simulator but when was God a pimp? Errrr...well Brock is a pimp but not a cool one with the hat and jacket and sunglasses and paint bucket. He just wears his normal clothes and uses Ash as his rent-boy. But see it as that he's on a one-man mission to have sex with all the pokemon rather than catch them all. He always get's cock-blocked by Ash and co. especially when he hit's on nurse Joy.
  • Max - The whiny little brat who thinks he knows everything (like most midgets). He wears these huge glasses, and a green shirt... every day. He's a bit too young to have any Pokemon, but then he'd just gripe about how 'underpowered' they are. He's a rival with Ash.
  • Team Rocket has issues. The boss of Team Rocket is named Giovanni and he wants to take over the world using whatever Pokemon/slave he can steal/buy/own/"Borrow". Oh yeah, and in one of the many team rocket sex fantasies he imagines himself running in the desert? in his underpants? covered in honey? then having loads of pokemon suck him off while he advertises Voss water and say's it has the smooth taste like heroin? What the hell is wrong with this show?
  • Dawn - and a light-blue tank top... every day. She also wears a ridiculous skirt... every day. Also, contrary to popular belief, Dawn is a lesbian. And an anorexic and a bulimic. Oh and after watching an episode of MacGyver she decided she would be MacGyver! So she put a mop over her head painted it beige and became MacGyver! Well technically she lost her mind when she started making MacGyver burgers when there wasn't any meat or bread. Basically she stole some wood from next door and cut the tongues out of some wild pokemon and then kept it all together by attaching rubber bands and served them up. I think I'm going to be sick. But back to Dawn. After this Ash decided it was time to move on and find a new partner for him and Brock. So they started searching but after their second partner ruled they were sexist because they were only inviting girls to do it. So then they decided they would bring the old members back. Wellllll.....that resulted in a lot of broken noses. So then they tried to get a black character to join them. That didn't work either because there's two black characters in the show and they're both female. That makes Ash and Brock sexist AND racist. So they brought Dawn back who had stopped being MacGyver after her bomb made out of an old toaster and a banana peel stopped working but instead her male rival somehow got his fingers trapped in the toaster. Then his friend got his foot trapped in Dawn's rival's mouth and then everything got really weird when their local professor showed up dressed as a woman. Yeah, it get's a lot..........weirder. Let's move on.
  • Gary Oak - A drug-addict who was once Ash's rival and owned an army of cheerleaders. Now he's friends with Ash and somehow his cheerleaders are gone... Oh yeah and he and Ash once fought over a broken pokeball for some reason. It's like that toy car from diary of a wimpy kid. I hate this guy so much. I just want to crush his school and hit him in the balls with a golf club and see what comes out of his putrid little mouth.
  • Drew - A green-haired rich, snobby boy who is one of May's rivals. He constantly flips his hair and girls frequently try to rape him. Though he's bisexual, he dislikes any flaming "queen" (Gay man) who tries to out-flame him by acting like a girl, including Harley.
  • Samuel Oak - Also known as Professor Oak, this guy is Gary's grandfather and quite possibly Ash's father because of the amount of time he spends around Ash's mom and how they are seen everywhere together. Everywhere! Pretty freaky right? That's not even including the "special hugs" that take place in the bedroom, naked, with the curtains closed but because the walls are so thin and the curtains were bought from pound land you can see them doing it with each other. 23 hours and a 3/4 a day. He also researches Pokemon in Pallet Town (which is one of the names of Ash's hometown). He's also been known to eat some of the Pokemon he studies. He can be seen every single time Ash goes to a region. Oh and he made a car that a doesn't have steering mechanism and allows you to choose from a set "predetermined points" you can go to, you can't even set these points, he does they usually include his "porn studio" which is basically his living room.
  • Harley - His character design was originally based off of a hooker that Satohi Tajiri once met that liked dark Pokemon. He is totally the most hated character on the show, not just for being evil but also for being a giant flamboyant flamer. Some fans think he's straight because we "don't have any evidence to prove that he's gay". Whatever, you should not trust him. The guy also owns several wierd Pokemon, including a scarecrow-like cactus, a giant octopus that when battling "constricts things" and then shoop da whooping it, a giant spider that makes giantt webs, a ghost of a doll, and his strongest Pokemon: a giant evil pink gerbel-bunny hybrid that floats like a balloon. The guy also has a tendency to name random celebrities, like Madonnna or Beyonce. There is some fan-speculation that he wants to rape Max, but if he wanted to rape him he would have clearly done it' by now (but you never know...) And the guy cut his man parts off... "He" also worked at a spa before becoming a coordinator. Oh and he's a drag queen.
  • Ritchie - He's another one of Ash's rivals, and he wants to rape him... eventually.
  • Zoey - A lesbian that Dawn knows, though her relationship to her is uncertain...
  • Delia Ketchum - As Ash's mom, she shows up every time Ash starts a Pokemon Journey in a region. She lives with a Pokemon called Mr. Mime, which works around the house and eats whatever Delia feeds it. Basically Mr. Mime is like her slave, but he enjoys it. Delia Ketchum has been known to make Ash work too, but usually it's just very hard manual work. Ash has labor, Mr. Mime does everything else. Considering the amount of special hugs she gives to Professor Oak it's pretty obvious what's going on. She really needs to get a new hobby to do in those 15 minutes of the day when she's not having sex with professor Oak and all parents of Ash's friends and Brock other than smelling used panties and wanking for 15 minutes.
  • Iris- She's this black girl. The only one the entire show. No I'm not joking the closet thing to someone else who was black was that Jynx pokemon who had black face on, and even then she got made purple. weird. Well Iris is a gym leader. Why is she going on a journey with Ash? Well the only other solution was the female character from Black and White who's name I can never remember. I know it was Hilda I think? Well they probably left her out because Ash might have done that "football friends" from the inbetweeners when they learned that she's friends with the girl from Black and White 2 who's name I can never remember, wait, it's Rosa. Or something. It must be pretty bad for Iris because she's the only black person on the planet? And she look's she's 8, how the hell did she become old enough to run a gym? She probably doesn't even know who CJ is so you have to feel bad for her.
  • Cilan - A man with green hair that traveled with Ash to Unova. He was a gym leader too, but more badass than any other except brock, but less of a perv than Brock. He'll take any excuse to go to a metro station and stick his butt up in the air. He also has an annoying habit of analyzing everything.
  • Nurse Joy - This one is weird. There are loads of Nurse Joys who are all related but they spread across different cities and all look the same. And they're all related. How? It's one MASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIVE incest circle.
  • Office Jenny - Yep just like Nurse Joy, Office Jenny is also in MASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIVE incest circle.
  • The other characters - There are loads of other characters on this show but we won't cover them here because they are all really crap. Like one of them is this girl who always hurts herself and another one is some guy who if he comes near my arm I'm going to slap him across the face like a little a bitch. Do you hear that Harr- I mean that fag on the show?
  • The Slutty Sisters of Cerulean city - Now the communists "fans" at bulbapedia call these greasy bitches the Sensational Sisters. Even though the only sensations they make our when they masturbate and have to use cannabis smoke to make people stay because their crappy swimming performances are "sigh" pretty shit. What you want me to say they're good? Well no I'm sorry but they are crap oh no sorry shit. And it's made up of three knob heads and a twat. Well they claim that there's only three but it really depends on how good you think "sigh" misty is. And frankly she is an insult to the insults who insult the stains on the face of the earth. But her sisters have so much vanity they should go to prison either that allow the robotic Richard Simmons inside the gym and watch it wreak havoc. The only problem is it might go completely out of control.
  • Hilda and Rosa - Oh don't get me started on thee two bitches. They only appear in the anime once. Where they're having sex. Well they appear a few more times: first when they're having sex, next they were seen walking having sex with the male characters of their respective games. Then they were seen again writing a "very serious" pokemon fan-fiction that had "strong emphasis on political debate and Marxist revolution". That basically means it's where they have sex. They then went on to publish it and it got voted the worst fan-fiction ever made and critics called the tile 'The glorious and valiant revolution of Unova' massively misleading and the front image showing a breakout in Vorkuta was also misleading. Then they were seen one last time getting beaten up by none other than a bunch of the bio-shock protagonists for saying that rapture was actually their idea. It's presumed they died because why not? Now if you want me to talk about them as individuals well that might be hard because they are always inside each other in the form of having sex. But I'll try, you see the first one called Hilda is violent, dangerous and really stupid because she can't tell her left from her right. That and you can tell her, her shoes are untied and she will go for a closer look and stay in that position for hours on end. The funniest bit is she doesn't even laced up shoes. Now the other one is even funnier. She's even stupider because you can tell her anything you want and she'll believe you. That and she once ripped off part of her and instead of going to get help she just stood there and began to chew it and stare at the camera. I hate those bitches.

Movies[edit]

The First Movie: Ash Ketchup and his friends finally learn that fighting is wrong, only to have their memories wiped away for no goddamn reason by Mew 2.0. Therefore, Pokemon continues forever.

The Power of One: A Collector tries to retrieve his prized birds, but Ash appears. The rest is self explanatory. (That basically means you get to see 2 hours of Brock wanking to pictures of Professor Ivy.

Spell of the Unown: An archaeologist uncovers a huge explosion of alphabet soup. The soup then proceeds to turn him into an Entei. The Entei/archaeologist then turns everything it touches into ice (basically it's crystal meth). Shit happens. Cris Fromage comes and makes everyone gay then more shit happens. People die and everything goes back to normal. And all the crystal meth get's destroyed what a waste of good meth. Flint would be so ashamed.

Celebi: Voice of the Forest: The title has nothing to do with anything, Celebi turns evil and kills the forest, then turns good.

Heroes: Latios and Latias: Latios dies in the end.

Jirachi Wish Maker: Magician is bad, takes Jirachi, creates a Gundam, Gundam dies, magician turns good.

Destiny Deoxys: Martians attack!

Lucario and the Mystery of Mew: Lucario thinks Ash is his master, shit happens, Lucario dies. Nothing to do with Mew.

Pokémon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea: The movie where it defeats the purpose of gravity, and more importantly, the moon.

The Rise of Darkrai: And the fall of Darkrai.

Giratina and the Sky Warrior: It's just Giratina. They just added "the Sky Warrior" to make it sound good, though bitches argue that Shaymin is suposed to be the sky warrior because it can fly. Shaymin is a shitty Pokemon that can't fight, so it can't be called a warrior.

Arceus and the Jewel of Life: Make's more sense just calling it Arceus: To the Conquering of Space-Time.

Phantom Ruler Z (Japan's translation): See Dragonball Z for more information.

The Negotiators: Ash and his friends decide they want to be negotiators! As soon as they get their first assignment the Pokemon world get's nuked and Pokemon ends forever! YAY! High Fi-Oh and then because all the legendary Pokemon feel bad they bring the world back. We were so close to utopia. So Flipping Close.

The Polio Puzzle: Ashley Catsup and her friends all get polio and get put in an iron lung for the rest of their miserable lives.

Shock of Biology? In this amazing movie and Ash and his friends go to Rapture and rip off Bioshock. Shortly after they're all turned into big daddy's and little sisters alike and popcorn from the bin?

Yet another crappy film: In this moderately-paced, not very action packed matchbox kicker not very dangerous adventures happen that include. Ash getting her his her his her his her her her (his?) it's 729th sex change. That new character on the show getting impaled on a spike and Brock get's arrested for sexual assault.

How to be a fag POKEMON STYLE: Have you ever wanted to be a fag? Like the faggiest fag you can be. And I don't mean like faggot because that would be offensive I mean as in cigarettes. Do I? I don't know. Well if you want to be a fag just ask Ash. He or She or it should know loads about being a fag since he is one.

Super amazing happy fun time: What's this another film? Yes that's right. Another bloody film. In this amazing film, all the characters who went around with whatever his name is get together and meet. Which results in a massive massive fight. And then everyone get's upset and apologises. Then to sum things up Mussolini comes along and gasses them all. Something finally good came out of Fascism.

Hunting Trophy's from the wedge: You know the Simpsons episode "Postcards from the Wedge". Well basically Ash and Pikachu appear and are talking about how GoGoGoMan has the crystal light bot? Oh no it's "Digibot, go go go, and enhance the Crystal Light Ball". It's all pretty weird. But then again it IT IS Pokemon. What do you expect? It's just some poorly written black comedy show that doesn't know what black comedy is being put on Kid's TV channels because no one can tell the difference. And hey it's not my fault I watch this show. I've got nothing better to do, and if I didn't watch it how else would I write up these fun fantastic things on here? What you expect me to go on Bulbapedia and have to read their half-assed articles that are just being used for a place for Ash to show off his genitals? Well no. I'm not going to do that. Now about the film. Basically in it, all the characters get murdered by non-other than some guy called Trevor who hangs them on his wall as hunting trophies, but not just any hunting trophies: HUNTING TROPHIES FROM THE WEDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though there's nothing "wedgey" about them?

Games[edit]

There are loads of games based on Pokemon. In fact the first ones were actually quite fun. Then they got crappier as they went along. Now we've got games that sling together to random letters and hope for the best? Like X and Y where you can play as Ronald McDonald or Serena the Slut. They also have some friends; Shauna, another slut except just weirder and really excitable; Tierno, the fat kid that sits around in P.E eating McDonald's given to him by his best mate Ronald McDonald; Trevor, not the cool Trevor from GTA V, oh no, instead it's some kid with a pure orange afro. Weird.

Off-Camera Jobs[edit]

Misty

Off the show, Misty is a clerk at a store near the studio. It's a 24/7 that's get's robbed by three guy's who "switch" between each other. After returning home, she is a blogger (her username on Blogspot is LuvU). She is the one with the blog entitled 'Tales of the Poke-Sea', about disgusting adventures with Pokemon. What's more, she acts boyish and wears men's clothing for the fun of it. And she runs a gym that has nothing "gymy"(?) about it. You know like weights and stuff. Overall, she is a tomboy! A tomboy! (and she's a slutty slutter from slutterville)

May

Little is known about this babe, other than her dating a fellow 9th grader named Ted Brenalvirez and owning the 2nd largest collection of Torchics and their evolutions next to Chuck Norris. And she shaved her head because she wanted to be part of the movement! But the movement ended by the time she finally cut off all her hair. After that not much else happened. Something along the lines of trying to grow her back but because she added to much magic hair grower it stopped growing completely. YAY! So there you go kiddy's that's why she wears a bandanna all the time not because she's a Brazilian terrorist even though she wanted to be, but she just wasn't that good because she cried when she got given a gun they wouldn't let her join. She is also a slutty slutter from slutterville.

Dawn

Dawn works as an underwater model. In playboy mags, she can be seen topless, in her lingerie, in a bikini, fully clothed, or nude. Nonetheless, Dawn still is that stupid girl who just sits around all day shouting out the answer after the answer has been revealed. Just like the slutty sluttertons from slutterville. Which she, Ash and every female in the show are from. All the pictures on her website are photographed at a pool nearby the Pokemon studio called Arlington Park. There's nothing else to say other than that she was just another female character who got put on the show for no reasons. Maybe one day she'll return to slutterville.

Ash

Ash doesn't really have a job outside the show because he is retarded. He did try to start a company called the Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club or ATFFC for short. It didn't work out. You can read about it below. He's also a slutty a slutter from slutterville.

Brock

Brock works at a gay bar. Not a Pokemon gay bar, but an actual gay bar. You know with the drinks and the men kissing. And a confused Karl Pilkington thinking it's a normal bar and getting involved with the "activities". He also has been rapping raping women at the downtown area.

Max

He isn't technically of legal job age, but he does an awful good job bitching about how life sucks so bad. He was hoping to open up a company called Bobby's Bits that would have worked in conjunction with the Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club.

Harley

A go-go dancer at Brock's bar. (Slutty Slutter from Slutterville alert)


the Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club[edit]

the Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club was a plan formulated by Ash that would have allowed him and Max to make loads of money. The only problem is everyone cashed in that check and Team Rocket stole the dildo's and used them for themselves.

The master plan:

Ash: Listen to this one: you open a company called the "Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club".

Brock: You what?

Ash: You take out an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos. You sell it with, I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", "the latest and greatest in sexual technology", "guaranteed results or your money back", all that bollocks. Now, these dils cost twenty-five quid a pop. That's a snip for the amount of pleasure they're gonna give the recipients. But they send their cheques to the other company name – nothing offensive, er, "Bobbie's Bits" or something – for twenty-five quid. You take that twenty-five quid, you stick it in the bank until it clears. Now, this is the smart bit. You send back the cheque for twenty-five pound from the other company name, "Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club", saying we're sorry, we couldn't get the supplies from America because they ran out of stock. Now, you see how many people cash that cheque: not a single soul, because who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse when they're not paying cheques?

Now I'll run the the Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club and Max you can run Bobby's Bits.

Max: So how long do you have to wait until you see a return?

Ash: Probably no more than four weeks.

Max: A month? So, what fucking good is that if we need it in six – no, five days?

Ash: Well, it's still a good idea. Wait what idea is it?

May: I've got an idea!

Brock: We don't have the time or money to build a rocket and mine for fictional diamonds on the moon May.

May: Forget it then. Or we could...!

Brock: We can't rob Fort Knox either.

May: But...!

Brock: Your mom driving us in her minivan won't help either.

May: Okay

Just demonstrates Ash's IQ. The best bit is he got the idea from a film he watched two minutes earlier. Oh and May's IQ is also demonstrated. And to think people said she was the smart one. Now the reason why they need the money is because the four thought they make loads of money by playing poker but you see Brock isn't such a good poker player. Mainly because he thought he would be playing the trading card game of Pokemon. So they lost a hundred grande. So what? And who cares if it's some psychopathic gangster who runs a sex shop and gives them a week to raise 250 grande and for every day over the weak each one of them loses a finger. That was the real reason Ash and Brock moved on. To let May and Max have all of their fingers removed. Well Barry the Baptist caught up with the new gang and took all of Brock's and Dawn's fingers, so Ash went to some big city but Bazzer got there as well even though he's so fat. And just in the nick of time Ash got sent to summer camp. Well don't worry it won't be long before the Baz man catches up with the new group and removes their fingers which means another series will start and the madness will continue and soon the only thing on all the TV and radio and news and stuff is controlled by Barry the Baptist.


Some guy and the gang[edit]

This was Ash's next amazing plan to make more money and scam all his "friends" into paying loads of de monies! Basically Ash was going to rob the poke-mart but for some reason all of Ash's friends are there and immediately identified him because his disguise was just put a plastic bag over his head and he tried to call a taxi to be used as a getaway car. Then the Team Rocket trio showed with even "better" "disguises" they'd put a strip of black cloth across their noses. And then Officer Jenny showed up because she was going to rob the shop as well and then loads of other characters showed up going to rob the shop as well! Then it became the biggest Mexican standoff in the history of anime. With over 5000 characters pointing plastic air-soft guns at each other. Then they all fired them and they backfired and everyone collapsed on the floor. Then some guy, the only cool character on the show came in with his gang and robbed the place. Successfully. With no police attention. Wow. Then later on everyone played World of Warcraft.

And there were loads of amazing adventures where the team rocket trio finally died...FROM OLD AGE! Yeah they died from old age.


Slutty Slutters from Slutterville[edit]

All the females in this show, Ash and Harley are all from slutterville. Activity's include-

  • Sucking at video games
  • Knowing the answer after hearing the answer
  • Eating quad-burgers with ease
  • Hugging dolphins
  • Being a slutter


The truth about that green girl[edit]

Is that she isn't real. But what does this have to do with the anime? We don't know. But wait maybe we can use that as a reason she doesn't exist. OK give us a minute and we will figure out why she doesn't exist. OK the reason why she doesn't exist is because we say so. OK that's not a real reason. OK the reason why is because the church of religiontology brainwashed Red and Blue and ummm the other characters to think she was real. How were they brainwashed? They were forced to watch Teletubbies! Dippsy Wipper wanker petearrobeoma AfiÉF WO[ E O;Sj!

The NEW Series![edit]

WILL NOT BE COVERED HERE! Because everybody died. Oh and while your here take this ganja to Snow White and the Three Little Chemists for analysis. Oh crap we just did cover it well fuck it. But still deliver the ganja. Please?


NEW CHARACTERS[edit]

THE SUPER DUPER CRAPTASTIC AMAZING CHARACTERS INCLUDE

X

X

X

X

XXX

X

XX

GRANT RODEIK

X

X

X

X

XXXX

XX

X

X

X

George Orwell

X

-

X

X

X

Some guy

X

X

X

X

+

X

Lee Harvey Oswald(why? We don't know)

X

XXXXX

YO! (Yes Yo! is a character)


The end is coming[edit]

The end is coming. What did you expect? Some day people are going to figure that all of the badges that Gary won are off Bing images. It's not that he cheated. They're off Bing. Bing. BING! So then everyone is going to stop watching the show.


What Pokemon teaches kids[edit]

Ever wonder what pokemon teaches kids? Well here's the answer! The answer is below:

gambling is good

cock fighting is good

cruelty to animals is good

women are objects

Wear the same clothes everyday

Always trust a man in a big white van!


How to survive if you find yourself in the Pokemon anime[edit]

Step 1: Draw as much attention to yourself as possible like beating people up.

Step 2: Steal a car. If it doesn't have any gas in don't worry this is the Pokemon Universe so screw gas!

Step 3: Get a gun. This is the land of imagination so think up a gun. Any gun will work. How about an AK-47? Then when you have the gun you want go and cause havoc.

Step 4: Beat everyone at their own game. How do you do this? Basically take someone to a radioactive location and tell them that it's where you do radio activities, then pull out a radio that's playing "come on let's twist again" then get that person to go into the danger zone and watch the money start rolling in.

Step 5: ???

Step 6: PROFIT!


Villainous teams[edit]

Villainous teams are basically the tossers of the Pokemon Universe. They're basically terrorists but less organised and have no idea what the bloody hell they are doing.

The Nazi Fags Aka Team Rocket:- These fuckers sit on there fat arses all day when they're not doing it up each other's arses or getting their knickers in a twist. Well they don't really wear knickers or undergarments. Just some weird jumpsuit. They want to make money but they're shit at it, mainly because they get beaten up by ten year old's. The most famous members of the team are the crappiest, two lesbians (ones a transsexual) and a talking cat with a coin stuck on his head. The boss decided that to make a living he would have to branch out to the gangsta crowd! so all yo' homies can get yer gangsta on! but that didn't work so he decided he would have to become a prostitute. So then Pokemon and trainers alike began to have sex with him. Good Show

The Wanker Street Gang Aka Team Aqua:- These idiots think their doing a public service by increasing the amount of water in the world. Why? They don't know, they thing they're pirates but they never say "Arrr!" or "Ahoy Matey" or drink rum and get plunder. OK now that AC 4 marathon is starting to wear in.

The Twatty Twats from Twattington Aka Team Magma:- These Twats think their a public service by increasing the amount of land in the world. Why? They don't know. Yeah they sound like Team Aqua right? Well to be honest they still our occultic terrorists but if you think about they are actually helping the world because with more land that means more houses that means more underpants for the gnomes from South Park to steal and more question marks and MORE PROFIT! Sorry about that. But they are slightly better then Team Aqua but they are still are twats.

The Dick-heads Aka Team Galactic:- These Dicks think they're astronauts but they've never seen Moon-raker OR Gravity. How can you be an astronaut without seeing them? Well they wear these space-suits and have turquoise hair and say they're going to remake the universe. NO THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU AN ASTRONAUT EVEN WITH THE BOWL HAIRCUT! But to be fair they don't recruit children but they're still dick-heads.

The Hypocrites Aka Team Plasma:- These idiots dress like knights then like modern day pirates? Well they tell everyone they're going to liberate Pokemon but after (imagine being said in cheesy CoD announcer voice) MASSIVE PLOT TWIST AND BLOODY SCREEN so real! it turns out they want to use Pokemon to take over the region which basically turns them into Team Rocket. Well to be fair they don't get beaten by ten years old but 14 YEAR OLD'S. Yeah not really that good if you ask me because said 14 years sit at home all day playing CoD and listening to Skrillex and eating dorito's. Not it's not just the boy's but the girls as well. I'm quite worried now.

The Benders Aka Team Flare:- These are basically the real faggots of the pokemon universe, they dress like fags and act like them. They want to make the world beautiful with style and lot's of money. fags.

There are other teams but Bulbapedia is only good for so much. And if I get caught vandalising it once more I'll be banned, so I might put them on here or not. I might just go back to vandalising Bulbapedia it's so fun to wreck everyone's pages. Oh well. I shall return when I write about the new Pokemon Movie "How to be a fag".


Ash Ketchum's Magic Mushrooms[edit]

Ash Ketchum's magic mushrooms are the things that make sure Ash Ketchum never ages but because Ash is actually in a com- is in the Pokemon world he needs to take some magic mushrooms so that he doesn't age. So once a week he goes to the local professor and get's his magic mushrooms for some sizeable coin. Each professor specialises in a different variety. You can find them down below:

Professor Oak- Professor Oak's speciality is weed. Professor Oak's weed is the shittiest in the region. But why do people buy it? It's from Professor Oak, the twat himself. That and he mixes bark in it so yeah.

Professor Elm- Professor Elm's speciality is heroin. Professor Elm's heroin is so bad he had to sell it to the other Professors. And yes they did buy it.

Professor Birch- Professor Birch's speciality is crack. Not cocaine, no one can afford it but like a cheaper version of crack. Like Crack crack. Weird.

Professor Rowan- Professor Rowan speciality is meth. Just like in breaking bad they also have an RV. But that's it. Hi?

Professor Sycamore- Has serious issues. He specialises in drugs like ecstasy and that's about it.

Professor Ivy- Professor Ivy specialises in turning plants into drugs. And she fails every time. Because she just doesn't know how to do it. And that's why her only customers are her three assistants and herself. Yes I did mean that.

Professor Juniper- This bitch is the one who actually sells the magic mushrooms. Yes. This is the one. She's not very good though mainly because mushrooms stolen from Tesco's does not count as "magic mushrooms" however if they're from Asda they do count as drugs but she gave all her money to Bianca to keep it safe during raid by Team Plasma but instead of keeping it safe Bianca ate it. So now it's sitting safe in her stomach but then she vomited and ate the vomit and vomited again and because the toilet was blocked she hid it in Hilda's lunch who ate it but said that the "carrot cake" tasted surprisingly "moist" but that's probably all the "magic goo" from Hilbert's (what kind of a shit name is that? As in your first name not second.). That's why you don't give your money to the stupid girl who lives next door. Because she'll somehow mistake it for chocolate cake. So that means Professor what's-her-name of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry had to use stuff from Tesco's new No Nonsense range that it is a copy of the Valco no nonsense range but you know. So basically because the mushrooms are so cheap they actually give you some sort of high but that could be the fact that Professor Jupiter might have raped you while you were out cold. If not then she did but all her friends got involved and raped you too. Yes I do mean it.

Professor Brown- And his magic brown cigarettes. Professor Brown speciality is cigarettes, but not any old cigarettes, they're "magic" cigarettes. That means he fills them with shit. As in the kind of crap you find in the toilet. And because he can travel between the real world and the pokemon world he managed to gain access to Neil from the inbetweeners shits. You know the huge ones that always block the toilets and smell like tear gas and what Neil describes as King Kong's finger. Yeah those ones. But why can he travel between the worlds? Reasons. Well back to drugs. You see the thing is all the other Professors do there drugs but not Professor Brown. Mainly because he doesn't spend every waking second have group sex with Mrs Ketchum and the brats that live in the local town. So he knows that smoking his product is a terrible idea. But that's not going to stop him from shifting his product onto everyone he meets. Like he somehow finds his way into your mind and sells you the drugs from there.

And that's the story of Ash Ketchum's Magic Mushrooms.


How to find poke-porn on the internet[edit]

Are you desperate to see something that goes of the beaten track and makes even the most hardened hentai fans (hentaists?) vomit with utter disgust, see porn that proves that this world can come up with some "evil" things. Well just type in the Japanese name of a pokemon character and it will come up with some disturbing things, like....well you honestly do not expect me to write it on here do you? Oh you do, well guess what? Because this is a democracy...oh wait it's not. Crap. Oh I guess I do have to. Just look for yourself....just type in hi and ro. You can figure out the rest. In fact if you want to see it just type in the Japanese name of any female character on the show or any pokemon on it. Prepare to have to remove your eyes and be vomiting for days on end.


Gingers do have soles[edit]

You remember that video where the kid was saying about how gingers have soles? You know the one where he was really mad and you would hysterically laugh at even though you know he's making some really good points? Oh whatever. Well Misty is a ginger, I guess she isn't fully because her hair is pure orange rather than ginger but you see loads of the other characters were making fun of her saying she doesn't have a sole. Then they would break down crying and say they're sorry but you see the damage has been done. You see when you're sisters have yellow, pink and blue hair it's pretty obvious that either your dad is a rainbow or there has been some serious marital issues. So she uploaded her own video about gingers having soles. But it got taken off YouTube because she was flashing her "stuff". You see her clothes "magically fell off" during the video and she some how didn't notice. So that made her go insane. And she wanted to destroy everything with her water pokemon from HELL! And she got beaten immediately because everyone started using grass types. And then she burst into tears and ran off. Or at least tried. She reached a couple inches in front before she fell over.

Education in the Pokemon world[edit]

So your in the pokemon world and your being sent to school. Now this a world where kids can handle WMDs so school must be great? No it's not. In fact it's more boring than our education. Why? Well first of all you don't get to use these WMDs to nuke some other region (That would be so cool wouldn't it?) you have to sit around some desk and watch some kid who's 1 year older than you tell you what to do. What is the Hitler Youth? Being told what to do by someone who's the same age as you and not doing any of those fun subjects. Instead you've got to learn about Pokemon all day. It's awful. And then you get drafted into these summer camps against your will by the local professor! Next thing you know they'll be conscripting you into the National Pokemon Army. If you don't believe me about the how summer camp thing just watch the first episode of the new series. Now back to the education. It's pretty crap. Like really crap. Because first of all 9/10 the teachers are your same age or a couple years above you. Then what do you learn? About Pokemon that's it. Oh and the basics of how to read and write but it's mostly about Pokemon, so you're going to leave school in a pretty bad situation. So unless you get a private education you're pretty much fucked. People stay our state education is bad but it least it teaches you what you need to know, the Pokemon one just teaches you about the three crappy starters you get and that's it! Pathetic.

Shipping[edit]

Freight transport or "shipping" is the physical process of transporting commodities, merchandise, goods and cargo. The term shipping originally referred to transport by sea, but is extended in American English to refer to transport by land or air (International English: "carriage") as well. "Logistics", a term borrowed from the military environment, is also fashionably used in the same sense. In Pokemon it means a relationship between to characters.

In the Pokémon anime there is a mass of relationships. For example Ash is in a relationship with Misty, May, Dawn, Iris, Hilda, Rosa, Green, his own mother, Gary Oak and every other female player character in the games. Why? Is it my job to explain everything? Is it? This isn't Blackpool. Because if it was I might be more specific. Well don't worry, you can always go onto Bulbapedia and look up shipping from there. Then again the only reason people actually come on here is because they're banned from Bulbapedia. OK then. Well not to worry I will copy and glue the article onto here and edit it accordingly.

You know what. Fuck it. I'm not going to waste my time copying and pasting Bulbapedia on here. So you know what I'll leave you to figure everything out.

The many loves of Ash Ketchum.

ENJOY! Oh and remember to shoot that guy in the face.


Why everyone hates Tracie[edit]

In all honesty I don't really know. I seriously don't. We just....hate him. It's like the language that Pikies speak. It's not English but it's not Irish it's just....Pikey. If you want to the answer you could just go onto the forums or something. Good luck!


Chavs, Chavs everywhere[edit]

In Britain we have these things called chavs. And we have gypos and chavs and chavs and gypos and the working class and chavs and did I say chavs? Back to business. You see everyone in the anime for some reason has an american accent but if the characters were British they'd be chavs or gypos. For example Ash is a chav and Brock is a chav and Misty is a chav and Tracie is a chav and Misty's sisters are chavs and nearly everyone in the anime is a chav. The only exception being the new characters who are gypos and chavs.


Even more crap that nobody really cares about[edit]

[Insert random annoying pokemon anime related paragraph(s) here]

See also[edit]


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Pokémon (anime) is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.