Pokémon Island

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“It's pretty good for tourism. Try to beat that, Jesus!”
~ Satan on Pokemon Island
Kantō
The National Pokemon Slavery and Battle Island of the World
Pokémon Islands
The flag symbolizes the intense burning spirit of the Japanese people. It's actually their intense burning arteries and intestine from seppuku. Official coat of arms of Pokemon Island
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: SATAN, I CHOOSE YOU!!!
Anthem: Pokemon
Expert's depiction of Pokemon Island. Note the bridge to Hell.
Capital Karanakhston (formerly Saffron)
Largest city Giratinaton (The Giratinaton/Karanakhston Metropolis is the largest city in population and size)
Official language(s) Japanese, English, Engrish, Pokemon language, Mexican, 1337
Government League of Officer Jennys, Communism (from Silph Co.)
‑  Satan, Giratina, Palkia, Unknown
Population 108,280,000 (2008)
Ethnic groups Japanese (30%), Japanese-American pedophiles (70%)
National Hero(es) Pikachu Bin Laden, Satan, Mudkip, Dick Cheney
Established 1889
Currency Poké
Religion Scientology
Major exports Slave Pokemon, Magikarp sushi, sex toys, and blood.
Major imports Slave Pokemon, money, and toxic waste

Pokémon Island, also known as Kanto to natives, is a wealthy country where all Pokemon are held slaves to battle. It is also a major port to hell, and has a bridge that connects to it. Dick Cheney is known to have a vacation home here as well.

Formation[edit]

Pokémon Island was formed in 1889, when Nintendo needed an island to imprison bad pokemon. They found that Japan just bought an island, so they decided to steal it using Japanese pirates and bribery. This succeeded, and soon Pokemon were transported there. It wasn't until 1903 until Nintendo realized it's right next to Hell and could just send Pokemon there. Satan, however suggested that they could make it a battle dome for Pokemon. This was taken into action, and soon Tourists came to see Pokemon maul each other. Pokemon Island soon became wealthy, and Hell was getting tourists as well.

The Bridge Deal of 1933[edit]

After many years of battling and tourism, Satan thought he could get more Americans to come to hell by building a bridge from Pokemon Island to Hell. Nintendo agreed, and soon countless Pokemon were sent to slavery to build the bridge.During this period, the Great Depression was occurring in America, so the Pokemon had to use cheap and toxic cement from China to build the bridge. However, it was not until 1969 when Nintendo found out people and Pokemon were spontaneously dying because of the cement. Finally, in 1984, the bridge was complete, with a plastic shield over the cement (this caused many slipping injuries later).

Today[edit]

Today, Pokemon Island is a nuclear waste dump bustling stadium with adoring fans. The Pokemon slaves have been forced to huff kittens to increase work production and the bridge has become very popular, even though it's on the verge of breaking.

However, there is a growing problem about free-lance Pokemon breeding and sex PETA keeps breaking into. Pokemon Island is also home to a Pasketmaul Stadium in Giratinaton.

Religion and Government[edit]

During the early days of Pokemon Island, Dick Cheney told the natives to convert to Scientology. This succeeded, surprisingly bringing communists and republicans to live on the country. (Silph Co. was soon started as a result.) As for the government, Officer Jenny clones are scattered about the island, rarely doing any work. Pokemon Island's rulers, along with Satan (he partially owns it due to it originally being an island of hell), are Giratina and Palkia.Arceus was originally supposed to be prime minister, but was killed by Palkia in an O. J. Simpson-esque manner.

Economy[edit]

In early Pokemon Island days, slave Pokemon were sold to America and China illegally for high prices. However, PETA discovered the bribes and cut off all shipments of Pokemon for 10 years. The economy plummeted, delaying tournaments and causing a Great Depression. Soon, though, Silph Co. found out children could be stripped of their cash with merchandise. Soon Pokemon sex toys, weaponry, and graphic tees were mass-marketed, bringing back the wealth to the island. So currently the economy is mainly connected to merchandise and illegal Pokemon trading.

Lifestyle[edit]

The natives of Pokemon Island have a custom of 10-year old kids capturing slave Pokemon in metal balls. They go unsupervised across the island, partaking in battles with other kids. Adults stay home all day eating chips, or usually studying Pokemon. The natives, despite the population being 70% pedophiles, do not believe in spying and freely travel across cities and toxic waste dumps.

Illegal Trading[edit]

Slave Pokemon are not only illegally traded cross country, but also throughout the island. The trader would first examine the Pokemon he/she's getting and receive it, giving a Pokemon in return. Most are traded with items like cocaine, vibrators, and LSD.However, due to loopholes found by the republican leaders, this is allowed most of the island, except for liberalist counties.

Silph Co.[edit]

See main article, Silph Co., and get a free Porygon!

Silph Co. is a computer-making company that is run by communists.Porygons and hacking machines are made here.It is currently located in the middle of Pokemon Island, and has a mini airport that ships pirated Pokemon video games across the world, like Windows FireRed/LeafGreen and Pokemon (the text game).

See Also[edit]