Pokemon censorship by the FCC
Pokémon is a very popular hit anime series for children and stupid brown monkeys. However, like all anime and all stuff from Japan, the FCC and the Liberal party find some aspects of anime to be unacceptable. This is mostly due the fact that Pokémon promotes violence, blasphemy, Japanese tolerance to homosexuals, gang rape, rap and punk rock music, nudity, sex, masturbation, rape, more rape, cannibalism, decapitation, Chuck Norris's roundhouse kicks, use of heavy machine guns, references of death, swearing, and drugs. Of course, the Republican party hate us because we don't censor Pokémon enough (in addition to censoring the excessive use of the "n-word," which the Liberal opposes any anti-discrimination laws, but we change the n-word to a friendlier version, "nincompoop.") As such, we, the FCC are here to make Pokémon "more child friendly" and we want children to enjoy the show and have many angry fans turn for conservative radio. In fact, Japan expect viewers to be the age of 18 to watch Pokémon and the show has lots of inappropriate things for children. Due to the child-friendly nature of Pokémon, we try make Pokémon just for and made for children and remove all adult themes (like Japanese tolerance to gay people). You may be mad right now, but don't worry, it's for your own good. But on the other, we made Pokémon much better with some very talented and horrible voice actors.
Banned episodes of Pokémon
Pokémon have at least over 500 episodes (where 99.99% of them are edited by us), however, there are some episodes that is very bad for you or the episode sucks in general due to homosexuals and could possibly kill you. Because of this, we, the FCC, remove these episodes out of rotations so you won't get really bad nightmares and have your eyes bleed out. Again, we are going to mention the banned episodes, and why we removed them. The FCC has recently been pressured by Christians to ban Pokémon and all anime other of America, or to the extent to heavier censorship and including voice actors who really suck.
Beauty and the Beach
In this episode, Beauty and the Beach (アオプルコのきゅうじつ, Aopuruko no Kyūjitsu, known as Beauty and the Bitch), James wanted to imitate Britney Spears by putting on fake thingamajigs on his chest and boasted "OMG!! I'm Britney Spears and I'm sexier than you" to Misty and she cried. Later, thinking that James is Britney Spears, Ash comes out naked and have sex with him, only to find out that it's really James and had Pikachu electrocute him. We find this to be inappropriate and in response, we removed all pictures and references of James and all sexy appearance of girls , only to end up in a complete mess, so we decided to get rid of it (at least it's for your own good).
Another version of episode shows Brock revealing himself to be dumb and a bisexual and had sex with clones of Oprah and got himself drunk. Like Ash, he too had sex with James dressing up as Britney Spears (and we also deleted that as well). The purpose for all of this crazy is to make sure that hot people like Angelina Jolie, Paris Hilton, or the grossy Britney Spears appear in Pokemon and prevent them on making every girl into bitches.
On the other hand, we made sure that conservative parents don't sue us because of this episode. After all, we don't want people to embarrass themselves and run around naked.
The Legend of Dratini
"Miniryu no Densetsu" (ミニリュウのでんせつ or known as the Legend of the Blue Serpent of Doom) was on the most controversial episodes because lots of guns are used. Ash and his buddies went to the African Safari when the warden comes it and shot Pikachu with his Desert Eagle. In response, Brock punched the warden in the face and took the Desert Eagle for the keep. However, the warden brought an AK-47 and shot both Ash and Misty (luckily, ash, Pikachu, and Misty weren't killed there). Then Team Rocket (with Meowth dress up like Hitler) comes in and Meowth spammed his Glock pistol shouting "Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!!" Finally, Dratini came in and revived the warden and later arrested Ash and the gang for no reason.
We ban episode because the Columbine High School shooters watched this episode before going in the school and killed twelve random people and shot each other through the brains (as well posing naked with each other showing their penises). In order to ensure the safety, we simply removed it out of rotation so there won't be another school shooting again (although later the NRA, the National Rifle Association, a.k.a NAMBLA, or North American Man/Boy Love Association sued us afterwards). Sadly, even after the ban, some Canadian emo and Cho-sung guy watched this episode via YouTube and went on a rampage preformed two more school shootings in Toronto and Virgina Tech respectfully.
The ban, however, lead to storyline problems because this episode is where Ash captured 30 buffalos. Luckily, we a "child-friendly" episode on how Ash captured these buffalos, but we
discontinued making the episode because it sucks are holding the episode on hitatus since 1999.
Apparently, this is one of the few infamous episodes that is banned worldwide. However, we did NOT, we repeat, did NOT ban this episode (In fact, we were never informed about this episode). Instead the Department of Health banned the episode mostly because reports of 700 seizures in Japan. Luckily, none of them died from the seizures, only ending up having brain damage because God is fucking pissed. Hopefully, you might able to understand that seizures can kill you completely and thus you won't able to watch new Pokemon episodes. Because of the seriousness of the Pikachu seizure, the episode is known as よこどり の ぴかちゅ, or Pikachu seizure, in Japanese.
Remember kiddies, if you see flashing lights in your television screen, you would most likely to have brain damage. Please call 911 or die by flashing lights, Captain Obvious will say: "Seizures can kill you."
Holiday Hi-Jynx/The Ice Cave
The Christmas special "Holiday Hi-Jynx" (ルージュラのクリスマス or known as Santa's Nigger Bitches made itself to The Guinness Book of World Records for the "the highest number of N-words used in an anime episode." In this episode, Team Rocket attempts to destroy Christmas and give presents to bad children and active grenades to good children. This episode, however, was accidentally aired in the US and we never realize the excessive use of the N-word in the original Japanese version. We counted a total of over 69,105 uses of the N-word. From all the characters in the episode: Brock used the N-word the most, at least 25,492 times (ironically, he's black), Misty used the word 666, Ash 4,823 times, Jesse 9,782 times, James 7,889 times, and Meowth used that word 5,555 times). Thus because of that, it entered the world records and we banned it completely. Another episode, "The Ice Cave" (氷の洞窟 or known as The Cave Where Sick People Go, also used the N-word a lot. Unlike Holiday Hi-Jynx, only one character used the new word 666 times, and that is Nurse Joy. And just to let you know, this episode have Pokemon and people getting AIDS and Brock was the first victim, but he didn't die from a disease directly, just he had to force himself to virginity, which for him was far worse than death, so he suicided.