Pollytheism

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Polytheism)
Jump to: navigation, search
ForestFireWeek2011Logo.svg Fire Danger: CATASTROPHIC (delete)

   

This page has been tagged as a candidate for deletion during Forest Fire Week and will be huffed after seven days.

If you love it, fix it up or move it to your userspace. Just be sure to list the redirect on QVFD.

Polly Pocket, charismatic leader of Pollytheism

Pollytheism is a major world religion based on the worship of the demigod Polly Pocket. Its adherents are composed mostly of young girls and random weirdos.

Demographics[edit]

Once the only religion of the world, pollytheism declined rapidly due to the concerted efforts of Buddha, Confucius, Abraham, Jesus, Muhammad, and Satan. These deities succeeded in overthrowing Polly and eliminating Polly's name from all history of the world, except in Polynesia. Pollytheism is still widely practiced in Polynesia, the birthplace of Pollytheism. In fact, the name "Polynesia" is a mispelling of "Pollynesia," which obviously indicate their relationship.

Beliefs[edit]

The central tenets of Pollytheism are based on the teachings of Pocket herself and on her writings as recorded in the sacred Polly Pocket Catalog. These doctrines teach that true salvation lies in accepting Polly's role as the most beautiful and perfect girl to ever grace the Earth, and acknowledging this perfection by buying as many plastic models of Polly and her friends as possible. It is the aspiration of every Pollytheist to collect every doll, outfit, and accesory in the Sacred Catalog, as every item collected supposedly adds another plastic jewel to the follower's tiara in the Polly Paradise afterlife.

Followers generally move through the levels of collection very slowly, since their allowances are so small. Only a lucky few are capable of purachasing enough merchandise to be admitted to the higher levels, such as OT-III (Outstanding Tween Level III).

Practices[edit]

At least twice a day, all Pollytheists are required to pay homage to their leader by playing with their toy collection. These play-sessions are actually a form of prayer and revolve around the acting-out of juvenile fantasies vicariously through the persona of their Polly Pocket Doll. According to the Sacred Catalog, when a Pollytheist acts out her dreams with the doll, magical dreamwaves are channeled through the ether to Polly Paradise, where the wise and beautiful Pocket mercifully grants the child's wishes.

Along with these regular play-sessions, the religion has a number of special holidays each year, including Pocket's Birthday Bash, the Christmas Rush, and various surprise revelations of the newest summer fashions.

Controversy[edit]

In recent years, there has been a maelstrom of controversy surrounding Pollytheism and its followers. Many claim that it is not a true religion, and that its toy-buying traditions are really meant to fund a massive commercial organization bent on world domination. There are also claims that forcing young girls to shower such praise on the leader while neglecting themselves promotes a negative self-image. "Pish-posh," say the Pollytheists. A strong argument indeed.

Although several groups (the Tween Liberation Front, the Barbie Brigade) have been organized in order to oppose Pocket and her legion of minions, their attempts thus far have been unsuccessful, and the demigod retains her demonic control over countless young girls across the world.

See Also[edit]