Poop monster

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The Poop Monster is a commonly misunderstood monster who like many monsters throughout the world, just want to be loved. The Poop Monster or "Allen" as he prefers to be called originated from northern Scandinavia during the era of the vikings. Many Vikings worshipped the Poop Monster as he was often seen as a god. Of Poop. There are also modern day believers that are unhealthily devoted to the worship of Poo and its superiority. Any who, there have been numerous sightings over the past decades of the Poop Monster, in Arabia, but the sources supplying the information of sightings were stoned Muslims. However, a more trusted source that has claimed to have seen the actual Poop Monster in the north of Scandinavia near his apparant birthplace; a small town village called Denmark. This sighting of Allen was recorded by Santa Claus (Also Known As Tim Allen. See Tim Allen).


The Poop Monster used to be an ordinary soul, one who often

Modern day worshippers of the Poop Monster

enjoyed slitting his wrists and jumping off tall locations. (see suicidal maniac). His Mother was a prostitute, who apparantly was Borats sister. She was well known as the 4th best prostitute in all of Khazikstan. His father was Ron Burgandy, a news anchorman who went into obscurity when he killed Veronica Corningstone, His fiance accidently mistaking her for another man calling her a whore from whore Island. (See Whore Island)

How He Came To Be[edit]

The Poop Monster, in all its holiness, or is it holyness? meh in all its holyness, it was created by god to be a divine creature. Its purpose was to eradicate all uncleanliness in this world but unfortunately, god was huffing kittens (see huffing kittens) at the time and made the Poop Monster entirely out of Poop. This is reasonably contradictory to what was said earlier so don't tell me what I already know. The Poop Monster (AKA Allen or Poshizzle) lead a disturbingly ironic life, Cleaning out houses only to return the next day to clean up the poo that fell off of him seeing as he is a soft form of life and is almost constantly flaking moderate sizes of poo. There are many Poop Monsters throughout the world as The original Monster was very much fond of hookers and Prostitutes. Particularly Khazikstani prostitutes.

What to do if attacked by the Poop Monster[edit]

It is most wise to carry around with you a roll or if possible two rolls of toilet paper at all times, seeing as there are many a poop monsters and an attack is almost certain to happen to you at some point in your life. If attacked and you do happen to have your paper with you, do your best to teepee the monster as he will reduce in size significantly until he is rendered harmless, they make great pets if one does not mind the stench.

In the case of an attack and your anti-Poop Monster kit is at home or you do not own one, do as best as you can to find a nearby person with a kit or else it is almost inevitable to be consumed within seconds. If an overwhelming stench of crap fills

Santa Claus (Tim Allen) He is real. Even though he has almost absolutely nothing to do with Poo and the Poop Monster

your nostrils, run towards the stench as Poo Monsters have adapted to the intelligence of most humans and their reactions to the smelling of their odour. They have developed the ability to control their smell.


A poo monster can be smelled by an average person from 2km away.

An average Poo Monster is at least 6 feet tall and smell surprisingly like a pile of crap.

4.68382% of the worlds population has succumbed to the Poop Monster disease where if touched by a Poop Monster and lived, every half moon (Yes, I'm sure Half moons, not full moons, you're thinking of werewolves. See Werewolves) at 6:39pm. (Yes, I'm sure its 6:39. Not the stroke of midnight).

Ironically, Anybody in australia who is contaminated misses out on futurama. Suck Crap.

Random Poo attacks (RPA) occur almost every 22 seconds.

They will change form for exactly 43 minutes and 60 seconds until they are contaminated to the point where they change for such a long period that by the time they change, they will have to change again and then back two minutes after they regain human form so most monsters couldn't be bothered doing such a change..

An actual photograph of a poop monster drewed by a 11 year old child

In Conker's Bad Hair Day, there is a level where you need to defeat a massive Poop Monster. This particular monster is a legendary Poop Monster which Poop Monsters have been passing down stories about him for generations. His name is Poopgantor and he is not a real monster, only a myth but patriotic monsters, proud of their stinky race are very much convinced about his reality and his famous battle between him and a much feared being, one who exterminates poop for a living. He was a toilet cleaner. just an ordinary one but nontheless they are very much feared. The battle is about the cleaner and his struggle to unclog a toilet that had been clogged by none other than poopgantor. In the story it is told that Poopgantor actually transformed into his massive being and consumed the household of which they were in.

Notes of the Author: YES I AM SURE THAT THE CHANGE IS AT EXACTLY THOSE TIMES. And also that I couldn't really be bothered to put in all the links because I have some school work to do. Also, I would be appreciative of people not changing this work. It took me an hour and a half to complete. Thanks a lot.