Pope Pontificem

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Pope Pontificem A.K.A Lakshman was born to a family of eskimos in Canada. It was in the family igloo, which was also used as a makeshift church that sparked Lakshman's interest in the study of all things pope. It was at age 14 (52 in Canadian years) that he took a trip to Vatican City. He snuck into the conclave after Pope John Paul II's death. He was immediately recognized as an outsider by one of the cardinals, Joseph Ratzinger. The following is an excerpt from their conversation...

Ratzinger "What are you doing here? You're not a cardinal!"

Lakshman "Neither are you!"

(Ratzinger begins to sweat profusely)

Ratzinger "Um..." (Ratzinger runs screaming out of the conclave)

The cardinals were stunned by Lakshman's amazing foresight and immediately agreed to make him the next pope. When asked about the name he would take, he replied "Pope...of all Popes". The Vatican were stunned by his choice of name, and to make themselves feel important they gave him the name Pope Pontificem, whose literal translation is Pope Pope or Pope of all Popes.

Deeliism[edit]

Deeliism is the belief that the world is controlled by a small metal ball bearing known as the deely. The role of Pope Pontificem is to commune with the deely. The deely is known to control the world by taking absolutely no action to influence it. By doing nothing, the deely has control over everything; not manipulating the outcome of events as per his will. Every event that has ever taken place can be attributed to the will of the deely. The eternal vice of the deely is idiocy; the deely is known to repel idiots to outside a 10 meter radius. The deely can also ward off witches, warlocks and Americans.

Policies[edit]

The Rap Record[edit]

The The Popes' Peeps were stunned when the Hon. Pope Pope announced that he had released a rap album under the pseudonym Baron von Baron, or literally, the Baron of Barony. The album, entitled 99 Problems but the Papacy ain't one did not have a large deal of commercial success in North America and Europe but was a smash in Asia; in particular in Mongolia and Cambodia. The album sold 60 million copies in the two countries alone. The smash hit "P.O.P.E (Y'all know the deal-y!)" has become the national anthem of both Canada and Vatican City.

Known Enemies[edit]

See Also[edit]

Preceded by:
John Paul 2.0
List of Popes
2005
Succeeded by:
John Paul 2.1