Popemobile

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Popemobile.
This is an article about the Popemobile. Perhaps you were looking for the poopmobile.

Sunshine Anderson wants the Pope-Mobile to go up in holy smoke

~ Tamia on Popemobile
Popemobiles of the latest "green" generation

Produced first by Honda, in the year 1104 A.D. after jesus invented the first asian, and now mass produced in Japan, the Popemobile is a near-indestructible pear-shaped tank, equipped with three high powered lawn sprinklers, used to clear any imbicile that tries to fuck with 30'30 exahust sytem and 600,000 horase power / 4 cylender kick ass a/c system. The original Popemobile was invented by Nostradamus himself. The Popemobile is powered by a pressuried tank of concentrated Mountain Dew, just as God said it should be.


The Popemobile is the Pope's exclusive mode of transportation. Popes are placed in the Popemobile within the first ten minutes after birth, and not removed until after their death when the next Pope is "Popemobiled", or colloquially, "P-Mo-D'ed".

The pope mobile also contains a ipad attached to the steering wheel wich updates his Playboy apps evry 5 minutes. And by the seat there is a lotion despenser with infinite amount of tropical berrys lotion that can also be shaped into His Holiness Super holy dildo mechanism.

Use[edit]

Teh Pope pimp'd his ride

Recently there has been a slight bit of confusion in the general public relating to the purpose of the Popemobile, the Pope's sole method of transportation. It is common belief that after the last Pope was nearly assassinated, the Popemobile was created to protect the life of the Pope. This is not the case. The Popemobile was actually created for two other, more important reasons:

  1. Should the Antipope and the Pope come into contact, there will be a massive release of energy,much like when matter and anti-matter touch. They are simply wiped from existance. By keeping the Pope in this small enclosed glass container, the general public is therefore protected from the energy released during this affair.

The pope's vehicle also has the ability to shit, as it is a living creature. It was created in a lab by the pope's personal team of geneticists. This route was chosen because biological creatures are seemingly infinite in comparison to man mad metal machines. The creature consumes a mixture of virgin's blood and ground feline. This gives it enough energy to travel at astonishing speeds, reaching up to 894356.765 miles per hour.

In addition, this gave the Pope a place to display his collection of kickin', organic rims.

Designed specifically to keep your Pope fresh, simply pop open mobile and Pope will be rarin' and ready to go!

Equipment on the Popemobile[edit]

Schematic drawing of the Popemobile used in the mid 18th century
Newer experimental model from around 2006 - very rarely used (mainly for addressing Catholic sci-fi conventions). Inspired by Pope Benedict XVI's love of Doctor Who and admiration for the character Davros
  • High-pressure holy water guns
  • Rapid-fires communion wafers
  • Air conditioning
  • Talks like KITT from Knight Rider
  • Raised ledge area for the pope to shoot at infidels with his sniper rifle
  • Surface-to-air missle launcher
  • Surface-to-sinner homing missile launcher
  • Flotation device for 'driving' on water
  • 70" plasma TV
  • Remote control for Vatican front door
  • 6 reversed reverse gears to drive the car forwards
  • Red telephone with direct line to God
  • Green telephone with direct line to Colombian druglord Mr. Pacino
  • Harry Potter DVD
  • Voodoo Doll of Phillip Pullman
  • That sandwich that had Jesus' Mom on it
  • Unfolding skateboard ramp to bust some moves and catch some air
  • A very powerful laser-pointer, so when Popie gets bored, he can blind a random you.
  • A Cheeseburger voucher to be used at McDonalds when a large coke is purchased.
  • Lobster pr0nz
  • Angelina Jolie double action hand-guns which he has been taught how to use
  • cm punk and the wwe championship
  • His holiness's 'Naughty nuns' porn mags
  • A gold plated toilet
  • A (male) child abductor/ molester
  • A bible cannon to convert non believers
  • A back-up chest full off 11 year old children
The first Popemobile on Mars

See also[edit]