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The Missing Month[edit]

The Origins of Porntober[edit]

Originally convcived by Oscar Wilde in 1337 Porntober (often referred to as pr0nt0bre in olden times) was designed to lenghten the year by 30 days, thus giving people more time to both do the nasty and work. This revolutionary month stuck, and was soon filled with Holidays that celebrated life, liberty and the pursuit of quality tail.

The Location of Porntober[edit]

Porntober often changes its location from year to year, so a simple chart can be used to explain the complex nature of the location of Porntober.

Odd Years


Even Years

            [april] [may]

Every Leap Year

           [Febuary 14] [Febuary 15]

Porntober in Modern Times[edit]

Porntober was removed officially from the Calender in 1963 when the infamous sixty-ninth amendment to the UN's constitution was passed. Enthusiasts, purists, and horny people in general still celebrate the 30 original holidays in addition to some modern holidays created to remember the month.

The Porntober Holidays[edit]

  • 1. "Take your Mistress to Work Day"
  • 2. "7 is an Immature Fuck (so lets go kick his ass) Day"
  • 3. "Mandatory Cyber-Orgy in AOL Chatroom '~%orgyizherr'"
  • 4. "Visit every .xxx site until your eyes bleed Day"
  • 5. "French Tickler Day"
  • 6. "Free Webcam Day"
  • 8. "Beginning of the 'week of a thousand possibilities' (celebration of the Kama Sutra)"
  • 9. "Jack Hoff's Birthday (observed)"
  • 10. "Flicky McBean's Birthday (observed)"
  • 11. "Take your Child to a Titty-Bar Day"
  • 12. "National Sign your Name 'Mike Hunt' Day"
  • 13. "17 is a Cunt Day"
  • 14. "International show your Goods on Myspace Day"
  • 15. "Spank your Secretary Day"
  • 16. "Sexual Harrasment Lawsuit"
  • 17. "Screw 13 Day"
  • 18. "The Battle at Fort Hymen Rememberance Day"
  • 19. "Whip Someone you Love Day"
  • 20. "French Maid Day (Ooo-La-La)"
  • 21. "$1 domestics all night at Wilde's House"
  • 22. "Ron Jeremy's Birthday (observed)"
  • 23. "Jog Naked in the Park Day"
  • 24. "Take your Child to the Red-Light District"
  • 25. "Triple X-mas"
  • 26. "National 'Stop doing that or you'll go blind' Day (begins at sundown)"
  • 27. "4nic8 (AOL remembers the great member)"
  • 28. "Take one for the Team Day"
  • 29. "Annual End of Porntober party at Oscar Wilde's House"
  • 30. "International Kleenex Day"

The Following Were Created to Commemorate Porntober

  • 31-38. "law free week"
  • 69. "Try every position day (Must go 24 straight hours or it is considered tyranny)"

The 12 Months of the Year:
January | February | March | April | May | June | July | August | September | October | November | December