Portal:Art
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| Art is generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples have practical applications, meaning that they can also be enjoyed by the working classes. |
Art is the expression of stupidity or lack of imagination. The word art comes from the Germanic word arsch, which, loosely translated, means "arrrgh"[1].
Art is commonly understood as the act of making things that look like nothing much and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.
As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion.
- ↑ Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, an anagram of a descriptive term commonly applied to artists.
Featured Artistic Art Article
The Phallic School of Architecture was founded in 1917 by Walter Gropus in Weimar, Germany. In spite of its name, and the fact that its founder was an architect, the Phallic School did not have an architecture department for the first seven years of its existence, the students preferring to spend time drinking cheap German beer and making comments regarding the barmaid's breasts. From its humble beginnings the style grew quickly into a major architectural movement. Not since the crazy days of De Stijl had an architectural style caught the general public's imagination, and it remains popular to this day.
As with other architectural modes the defining morphological characteristics are focused on terms of form, techniques and materials. Also looking like a giant penis. Proponents of the technique used within the Phallic School of Architecture base their structural and aesthetic considerations on the overriding precept that within architectural design "form follows function. And looks like a giant penis..." more
Art news on Uncyclopedia
- Are aliens visiting Earth to steal artistic ability from humans?
- European critics praise American performance artist
- Bellagio unveils Toon Erotica exhibit
- Contemporary art piece sells for £193000, worth more than man's life
This Week's Featured Image
Though very few people realise it, Leonardo da Vinci is not merely a character in Dan Brown's inexplicably popular novels and really existed in Renaissance Italy. A keen sci-fi fan, he spent much of his time in his bedroom in his mother's basement where he used his artistic talents to design futuristic vehicles and weapons such as the helicopter, the Trabant, the steam cannon and the laser. He also created anatomical drawings, with his highly detailed depictions of the sexual organs earning him some stiff questions and a smack on the bum from Mrs. da Vinci. Later, his meticulous pictures of human organs resulted in his being sent to see the school counsellor.
Da Vinci's Mona Lisa painting (The Louvre, 3.5mm x 3.8mm) is his most famous, but he also painted other stuff such as this piece, The Lady With the Ermine, which is considered a highly important work by art historians as it proves that - despite paintings by other artists depicting fat women with oddly-shaped heads and breasts - there actually were a few hotties in 15th/16th C Europe after all.
The ermine, meanwhile, is commonly used in art schools as an example of how to fail. Looking more like a cross between some sort of cat and a small albino werewolf, it bears little or no resemblance to an actual ermine which is nothing more than a white stoat.
Selected biography
Titian, also known as the Tizo, (c. 1485 – May 25, 1576) was the best painter of the Italian Renaissance. He verified this numerous times each day with help from his Mother. Founder of the “I Was Famous Whilst I Was Alive Club” Titian used his notoriety as a Momma’s boy to distribute his works in strip clubs across Europe.
Famed for his expertise in painting nude (until his arrest in 1512), Titian's work can still be found in many of the world's leading boudoirs, particularly in his native Italy, and in France where they'll do anything for a chance to look at a naked chick.
No one is sure of Titian’s birthday. His mother forgot it every year, so no one expects you to know it either. Titian, like most Italian prepubescent boys was obsessed with the naked female form. Often he would announce when entering a restaurant – “There are twenty-two pairs of breasts in this room, and fourteen and half of them are worth painting.” more
Further reading
Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:
Art Quote
“If my husband would ever meet a woman on the street who looked like the women in his paintings, he would fall over in a dead faint”
- ~ Mrs. Picasso
Did you know...
- ...that Samuel Taylor Coleridge was straight edge?
- ...that Marge Simpson is the sexiest woman ever depicted in art?
- ...that The Angel of the North is really quite tedious?
- ...that you can add to the pool of our knowledge here?
Articles of utmost artistic value
Art | Photography | Poetry | First Gradeism | ASCII art | Bad Art | Surrealism | Dance | Historic Anime Movements | Music | Photoshop® | Latte art | Snow Sculptures | Look, It's Art | Graffiti | Fascism (Artistic Movement) | Literature | Artistic licence | Avant-Garde | HowTo:Draw Female Breasts | Abstract expressionism | Baby Impressionism | Bauhaus | Conceptual Art | Architecture | Arrant-gard | Art History | Cat art |
What You Can Do To Help
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- Steal a Rembrandt from somewhere and donate it to us
