Portal:History
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
 | Welcome to Uncyclopedia's History portal.
This is by far the most historical portal you will ever find. |
|
History is a form of propaganda dedicated to ensuring that people continue to hear the messages of the ancestors. Anything that does not pertain to History is probably not history. The rest of the future outside America and Nazi Germany considers this bloody annoying, except for France, who in Modern World History books, as a tribute to their pathetic military history, have been given countless sections. And we all know the only significant contribution of the French to modern civilisation is the Baguette. This is shown by the fact that 88% of all history ever written has something to do with History, the Future, the Battle of Gettysburg, Confederate efforts to build a useful submarine, and the fateful day that Rudolph Hess used the Fuhrer's time machine to go back and bring Stonewall Jackson to what was then the future to ensure a Nazi victory over the Empire of the Moon during World War II.
Featured Historical Article
Bacon and Cheese Sandwich of 1905
|
The Bacon and Cheese Sandwich of 1905 was an especially good sandwich. High in cholesterol, maybe, but really quite delicious. Sandwich connoisseurs, if they still existed, would all agree that it surpassed all other sandwiches of its type and, indeed, probably surpassed most other varieties of sandwich. Alas, the night the sandwich was presented, that of October 14, 1905, marked the end of the noble tradition of sandwich connoisseuring, a great loss to the world of international snobbery.
The Bacon and Cheese Sandwich was built in four stages, starting exactly one year before the sandwich was to be revealed to the public. These stages were in themselves very momentous events, making headlines across the world and affecting the stock market in ways grossly out of proportion to their material significance.
(more...)
This Day in History
- May 27 1647: The first recorded execution of a witch reportedly took place in Massachusetts.
Selected Picture
This is as historically accurate as it gets.
Selected Biography
|
Hypocrites (450-339 BC) was an influential Greek philosopher of the fifth century B.C. and the founder of the Hypocritical school of philosophy. He was most famous for devoting his entire life to preaching a philosophy of the virtues of honesty, humility, sobriety and chastity, while at the same time practicing the virtues of deceit, arrogance, lechery and dishonesty. Thus his name "Hypocrites".
Hypocrites is perhaps most notable for his magnum opus, the six-part treatise Do As I Say, Not As I Do, which is, to this day, influential especially in hard-line Christian evangelical circles. The Reverend Ted Haggard, for example, is a noted follower of Hypocrites, and is considered a leading scholar in the field of Hypocrisy. (more...)
Other remarkable Historians
Below is a list of other historical people without whom the world would not be what it is today:
Quote of the Day
“In times like these, it's helpful to remember that there have always been times like these. ”
- ~ Paul Harvey
Did you know...
- ...that Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
- ...that in the great fire in London, 1666, half of london was burned down but only 6 people were injured.
- ...that the ancient egyptians baught jewerly for their pet crocodiles.
- ...that the Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.
