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Featured Science Article

Frankly Disappointing Telescope

The Frankly Disappointing Telescope can be found in the South East region of the United Kingdom. Its creator Trevor McClaverty (aka FlakyTrevor) was inspired by both the Overwhemingly Large Telescope and the Very Large Telescope. Unfortunately, McClaverty did not have the tools or the capability to create such an impressive instrument, hence the Frankly Disappointing Telescope. (more...)

Recently featured Science Articles: Clean coal | DNA | Baraminology | Bluyiov Formula | Conversion

Science News on Uncyclopedia

• July 27: Millions of homeless Tasmanians find shelter under scientifically enhanced banana peels. Credit of the discovery goes to the brand new device, Scientific Enhancer Mark 4005. Inventor of the device cannot be named for copyright reasons. (ScienceNightly)

• July 4: Wet spiderwebs are found to be brilliant decorative devices in forests after rain. Everybody rejoices since this requires no action on mankind's part. The science part of it is also understandable to all:

• rain comes down
• rain hits spiderweb
• rain goes away
• sunlight hits spiderweb, causing great effect for free

(UnTimes)

• July 1: what can be more refreshing than splitting atoms? Nothing, says the brilliant new boy scientist gang - called Boy Atom Splitter Scientist Gang Babies - after splitting a few of the little buggers in Geneva. They also split a few hairs, pointing out that the name of the city is in fact Geneve. (BSNews)

• June 23: Several scientists lose their lives in Arkansas after deciding to get dead drunk and flirt with male gorillas. The experiment was part of a larger study intended for the education of people who don't know anything. Eyewitnesses confirm this part was a success: point taken by all present. (East LA Times)

• June 1: Elizabeth Nambybamby, post-pectoral researcher at the LSD Museum of UnNatural Science, has found a link between alterations in bird songs and the rapid change in the surrounding habitat. The songs apparently alter the habitat in some mysterious way. (UnTimes)

• June 2: It's happy hour for Texas whineries. Research now shows that whining produced in the Lone Star State share the anti-dancer traits known to exist in whine from other producing regions. Extracts from two Texas redneck whiners decreased dance in a comparable magnitude with other whiners previously studied, according to Texas AfterLife Research. (East LA Times)

• June 5: The zebras that have wreaked ecological havoc on the Great Lakes are harder to find these days -- not because they are dying off, but because they are being replaced by a cousin, the quaker. But zebras still dominate in fast-moving streams and rivers. (East LA Times)

• June 8: It may not be the Yeti, but in a remote region of the Russian mountains a previously unknown and entirely unique form of Horrible Snowman has been discovered. Lead Guitar Scientist Professor Hans Cornypants and his Russian-Dutch "team" describe this finding today in Ecology Letterman. (BSNews)

• June 8: Stand-up biologists have found a plant protein that appears to play a keyhole in asphyxiating prison cell division. The presence of the protein, called BASIL, is vital to such division. In prison cells where it was absent, the cellmates did not "divide". "This is crucial information if we really want to understand prisoners' unique ways of smuggling the different types of drugs in their bodies," said Ingrid Bergmann, an assistant professor of geology. (UnTimes)

• May 27: An asteroid, designated ZOOT WTF, is discovered to have a 82-in-75 chance to impact the planet Mars, but nobody told us when this should happen. Brilliant. (UnTimes)

• May 27: The protein-protein-protein interaction between mutated Rats and RAF officers has been shown to prevent a hell of a lot of things. (CybOrg)

• May 27: Researchers found that computer programs commonly used to scan DNA missed 99 to 100 percent of regulatory DNA. (ScienceNightly)

• May 27: Physicists complete the first quantum malfunction – finding the factors of 15 (5 and 3, for instance) – as a proof of conceptualism to show if more complicated sentences could be generated using quantum computers are made pornography based on large primates would be vulnerable to virus hackers porn. (CybOrg)

(more science news...)

Selected Biography

Carl Gustav Jung (July 26, 1923 – June 6, 1986) was a Rock music critic and pseudo-psychiatrist. Jung has been described as being to psychology what Escher is to art. Often mocked along with Zigmund Fraud, with whom he initially collaborated, Jung was one of the first and most widely read writers of the 20th century on the weirdness of the human mind, jazz music and, later, rock music, and other aspects of modern culture. (more...)

Other Remarkable Scientists

Below is a list of other scientists without whom the world would not be what it is today:

• Benedict Arnold Carver
• Benoit Mandelbrot
• Gene Ray
• Idiocrates
• Edward Teller
• Toby Hamilton
• James Ussher
• Albert Einstein
• George Washington Carver
• Carl Gustav Jung

Quote of the Day

“Screw, that.”

~ Archimedes on Inventing the screw.

Did You Know...

• ...that mice are often raped by laboratory rats?
• ...that, despite what your 10th grade Chemistry teacher said, neutralizing 4 M of NaOH using a buret is not particularly exiting?
• ...that Labrador mice are the only race of mice to survive in labradories?
• ...that you can add to the pool of our knowledge here?

Featured Lab Equipment

Behold the miracle of the radiotelescope - the magnificent invention for finding out the deepest secrets of any universe! This particular radiotelescope was conceived by connecting an ordinary Treasure Island -type telescope to a Benelux brand transistor radio, one that was in wide use in households during the early 1970's. Note how the cosmic rays are transferred straight through the telescope - with no contact to the radio at all! This was thought to be a revolutionary idea at the time, and indeed it was.

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