Precedent
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[edit] Definition
Precedent is a legal term used by justices, lawyers, Supreme Court nominees, clowns, actors, the Intelligentsia, and Jesus. It the equivalent to the I Win Button found in video games; if you say it enough times, you win.
The record for the most references to precedent is currently held by Oscar Wilde, who used precedent 469 times in a single sentence on page 222 of The Picture of Dorian Grey.
Runners up in the precedent contest include the acronym-challenged "Dr." Stephen Van Evera of MIT, plucky and rotund comedian Horatio Sans, kitten huffing, hockey hunk Grant Hill, the illustrious grue, and the late and dearly missed painter Bob Ross.
[edit] Synonyms
- Stare Decisis
- Hand Waving
- Bullshit
- legalistic interpretation
[edit] History
The spelling of "Precedent" was changed from "President" in the early 1970's in order for President Nixon to distance himself from the rule of law.
Nixon and the rule of law had a falling out after a game of croquet (other participants included James Monroe, Elmer Fudd model Stephen Van Evera, Benedict XVI--also known as Kenneth Waltz, and Walt Disney) on Wednesday, April 11, 1824. The conflict between the two--allegedly arising over the etymology of Secret Santa --lasted until 1970, when Nixon decided to regift the rule of law's macrame tea cozy (shaped like a Harumph), which trinket was given to Herr Nixon by said rule of law in the early morning of April 11, 1824, prior to the aforementioned lawn fete.
None too pleased with the insult, the rule of law instigated the rift between itself and the 287th president by calling the president a foul SoB whose rancid musings on US foreign policy polluted the water....and air. Using her powers of legal reasoning, the rule of law altered the spelling of precedent to its current form. Nixon was subsequently hanged and taken to Hell by the Robot Devil. And that is the history of precedent.
