Pregnant
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Pregnant, or Pregnancy, is a condition mainly found in females or Jon Castro which was discovered accidentally by early man around the year 15000 BC[citation needed]. It is a state of mind in which the female is unable to move and has to be provided for by the rest of the herd. It can also cause them to become agitated, in pain, or start craving food, soap, burgers, tuna mayonnaise sandwiches, cheeseburgers, cats, ferret poo and John Lennon.
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[edit] Early Theories
Early theories on the origin of pregnancy have attributed the condition to infection by micro-organisms dubbed "sperm" found in semen. Despite enthusiastic acceptance of the "sperm infecting an egg" theory by microbiologists, little evidence was actually put forward in support of this theory, and few scientists were able to reconcile the fact that women do not produce eggs: birds, fish, snakes, reptiles and do.
[edit] Modern Theories
With the advancement of modern medicine, as well as quantum physics, the true cause of pregnancy was discovered by theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking. Hawking determined that the fetus is natively an inter-dimensional traveler who, when jumping between dimensions is occasionally trapped by a temporary electromagnetic field emanating from a female's uterus during sexual intercourse. Hawking explained,
"During sexual intercourse a penis penetrating a vagina can act very much like a linear generator, with the male's penis stripping electrons from the vagina, creating a positive charge within the vagina. During each penetration cycle the vagina is charged and immediately discharged as the penis passes regions of varying conductivity. At high frequencies of penetration strong magnetic fields will build up and collapse several times a second. If the field oscillations match those of an unlucky fetus passing through our dimension (fetuses emit their own magnetic fields as a result of inter dimensional-travel) the fetus will be sucked into, and ultimately lodged within uterus. With no chance of immediate escape, the fetus parasitically feeds off of its host female's body so as to build up enough strength to eventually escape; this process usually takes ~9 months."
This theory was later proven by interviewing a young foetus.
[edit] Prevention
Over the years a number of methods have been developed to prevent, and even cure pregnancy. Some examples are:
Condoms - a latex rubber barrier invented to prevent electric charges from being generated between a mans penis and a woman's vagina (as we all know rubber is an electrical insulator).
Abstinence - the act of not having sex - although highly unpopular this experimental method has been proven to prevent pregnancy in as high as 67% of test subjects in clinical trials.
Abortion - a surefire approach to curing pregnancy, guaranteed by Fujitsu Siemens to work in 11 out of every 10 cases. The practice of abortion has met strong opposition over the years from fetus sympathizers, most of which refer to themselves as "Christians."
The Pill - Not much data is available on this treatment, as any relating research is usually privately funded and kept secret by corporations such as 3M and more recently the BBC; two of the world's leading producers of the pill.
[edit] See Also
- Preggers
- With Child
- Knocked up
- Bun is in the Oven
- In the family type way
- Got that certain glow
- Leona Helmsley
- Up the duff
- Been visited by the Milkman
- Renting out the Guestroom
- Moving Baby 1.0 Prototype into Production
- Visible symptoms of Sperm Infection
- Investing in Sardine, Ice Cream and Pickle futures
- Purchased a 3 month pass on the Morning Porcelain Express
- Initiating a Lawsuit against Trojan
- Killed the Bunny
- Expecting
- Little Ricky is en route
- Your Mom
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