Preteen slut
- WARNING: As this article deals frankly with historical material about child pornography and prostitution, it may contain descriptions that could upset overly sensitive people who don’t like history.
“I came, I saw, I wrote a book.”
The Preteen Slut film series is generally regarded as the second greatest child porn series in cinematographical history (second only to “Little Rascals,” aka “Spanky’s Our Gang Bang.”) Based on a 19th Century book by preteen prostitute Minnie Rae, this work expanded into movies, television, the Internet, and the private collections of law enforcement officers everywhere.
Preteen Slut: The Books[edit]
The original book My Life as a Child Prostitute: The Autobiography of Minnie Rae or Preteen Slut was written by the young San Francisco harlot Minnie Rae, and published by North American Press in 1860. The 12-year-old’s autobiography was used during the American Civil War by President Abraham Lincoln to encourage the loyal Northern troops. Historian Charles Manson (writing under the penname Reverend Loveshade) described it as “reminding the soldiers of what they were fighting for.”
It was also distributed using a system known as the “Underground Railroad,” which smuggled copies of the book to the rebellious Southern troops. This was intended to break their morale. As Southern Civil War General Robert E. “Spike” Lee remarked in 1865, “That damn book was a terrible blow. My men began to question why they were fighting to preserve black preteen sex slaves when those in the North had much lighter skin.” (Note that due to the dedicated work of such 1960s black leaders as Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, and John F. Kennedy, they all got shot. But thanks to their work, black preteen sluts are now nearly as accepted in the South as are Asian ones. Of course every true Southern Bigot knows white ones are a whole lot better).
The book is noted for its frank discussion of the life of a preteen prostitute. In intimate detail, Minnie Rae describes her encounters with major historical figures including General U. S. Grant, General Steve “Stonewall” Jackson, and the entire state of Virginia. The book is a must-read for Civil War historians, primarily because it contains lots and lots of dirty pictures.
Several sequels followed, which featured Minnie Rae under various names engaged in a variety of sex acts. These appearances included Alice in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (girl-rabbit bestiality, girl-queen lesbianism, group sex-tea party); Wendy in Peter Pan and Wendy (girl-boy band orgy, girl-boy-pirate pederasty, mother-son-brother-sister incest, girl-boy-fairy mile high club); Dorothy in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (girl-aunt and uncle incest, girl-farmhand groping, girl-lion bestiality, girl-life sized doll scarecrow sex, girl-robot tinman sex; girl-woman witchy lesbianism); and Alice, Dorothy and Wendy in Lost Girls (everything else).
Preteen Slut on Radio[edit]
The book was never aired on radio because radio doesn’t have pictures. But every star of the movies series has been interviewed on the Howard Stern radio program.
Preteen Slut: The Movies[edit]
This is the most successful form of Preteen Slut, other than the girls themselves. So far, it includes several successful films (and even more bombs), some of which are described below. (The rating system used ranges from **** meaning excellent, to * meaning this sucks, which is also good).
1. Preteen Slut: The Motion Picture (1915). **** The first of the film series starred Minnie Rae portraying herself, although for some unknown reason her character was renamed Lillian Gish. Still 12 years old, the preteen prostitute was directed by cinema pioneer D. W. Griffith in what is still considered to be one of the greatest, and most controversial, child porn films in all of cinematography history. This black and white silent film features Minnie Rae engaged in copulatory acts with people of various colors and creeds, including members of the Ku Klux Klan and the NAACP. It is sometimes said to be the first film portraying the Civil War and Reconstruction that spoke against racial discrimination. Because it features a montage of Minnie Rae giving birth to the resulting offspring, the movie is sometimes known as The Birth of a Nation.
2. Preteen Slut II: The Good Ship Lollipop (1934) ***1/2 This black and white film, directed by famed comedy director Cecil B. DeMille, starred the 6-year-old tap panty dancer and singer Shirley Temple. Ironically, she almost wasn’t cast because she was believed too young for the role. (She had begun her career earlier that year playing “Curly Top” in the soft core movie escapade “Out All Night.”) This entry had nothing to do with the first film of the Preteen Slut series, other than the title. Shirley co-starred with male prostitute Charlie Chaplin, the pair playing a Victorian street urchin and her homeless uncle who sing, dance and perform sex acts for bread and candy. The famous bath tub scene where Shirley pretends Charlie’s male member is a lollipop is regarded as one of the greatest moments in cinema. Shirley received a special Oscar for Child Pornography for her work in several films that year, and remains the youngest starlet to ever receive one. (Note that it was in this film that Charlie Chaplin was first called “Sugar Daddy,” and Shirley earned the affectionate nickname “The Little Tramp.” The movie was colorized in 1997 and released with a new soundtrack under the name Lolita.)
2.5 Preteen Slut II 1/2: The Bad Seed (1956). **1/2 Directed by Mervyn LeRoy, this color film was the first true sequel of the series (which is why it’s numbered 2 1/2). It starred Patty McCormack as the 10-year-old daughter of Chaplin and Temple, who in this film are strangely called the founders of Western religion. In one of the most violent and sillier plotlines of the series, Patty plays a girl who inherited an evil mutant gene created when her parents were soliciting Japanese businessmen in August of 1945. This genetic deviancy causes her to castrate and then execute her clients while screaming “Godzilla!”
3. Preteen Slut III: Taxi Driver (1976). ***1/2 Martin Scorsese’s first major child porn film, it starred Jodie Foster as the 12-year-old prostitute Easy who picks up customers and services them while driving around New York City. An otherwise excellent entry, it disappoints because the sex scenes in the cab are too dark to pick out much detail. Notable primarily because the character of Easy inspired Robert “Hinkley” De Niro’s real life assassination of President Ronald Reagan.
4. Preteen Slut IV: Pretty Baby (1978). *** Directed by Louis Malle, this is the Academy Award winning film that popularized the most successful child porn star before the discovery of Britney Spears, Brooke Shields. As this story of a 12-year-old who frequently appears naked in a New Orleans brothel and falls in love with a much older photographer in the World War I era is a real movie and so is this description, we’ll move on.
5. Preteen Slut Episode V: Attack of the Clowns (2002) ** (The film was originally released as Preteen Slut Episode II: Buttsluts Go Nuts V. Director George Lucas likes mixing up titles, and also can’t keep his numbers straight). In a confusing sequel to the fourth film, Natalie Portman recreates Brooke Shield’s character, only 10 years later as the spaced-out Transsexual Queen of Naboobie--but still age 12. Natalie’s character Petme falls in love while performing anal intercourse with the supposedly young Anal-kin Skywalker. Anal-kin is being trained in sexual techniques by Obi “Ben Wa Balls” Kenobi (playing himself), and the martial arts master Yoda (played by Pat Morita). Probably the only truly good scene in the movie features Yoda and Christopher Lee, as Count Dookie, in a battle where they wield their penises. Otherwise, the film is filled with stale dialogue and endless repetition. In one scene, Dookie tells Anal-kin the movie’s entire plot while the queen anally services an army of clowns. Anal-kin is supposedly Petme’s 12-year-old twin brother, but was actually played by Natalie’s aging father, hip hop artist Ronald McDonald. The movie was an attempt to revive his career. The attempt, and the movie, failed.
6. Preteen Slut Episode VI: Revenge of the Cesspool (2005) ** (Originally released as Preteen Slut Episode II: Buttsluts Go Nuts VI, and later on DVD as Preteen Slut VI: The Undiscovered Cunt-Tree). I don’t know how to describe this, because I never saw it.
7. Preteen Slut VII: The Pedophile Trap (2006) * At this point, the series became completely confusing. This film was actually pieced together from several earlier films out of chronological order. These include ‘’The Parent Trap’’ (1998) starring Lindsey Lohan as 11-year-old twins; ‘’The Parent Trap’’ (1961) starring Hayley Mills as the 11-year-old twins; ‘’My Girl’’ (1991) starring Macaulay Culkin and Anna Chlumsky as the preteen parents of Dan Aykroyd; ‘’The Wizard of Oz’’ (1939) starring Judy Garland and subtitled “ Dorothy and Toto Do the Midgets;” several home movies and videotapes of the backstage antics of one of the most popular preteen sluts, The Mickey Mouse League star Britney Spears with Justin Timberlake (1989 to 1994); and 23 movies starring the Olsen Twins (1997 to 1997).
8. Preteen Slut VIII: Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009) **** The first documentary of the series and considered the film that revived the Preteen Slut franchise. Directed by Peter Chelsom, the documentary follows the life of Destiny Hope Cyrus/Miley Cyrus/Miley Ray Cyrus, a preteen girl who secretly pole-dances on stage under the alias of Hannah Montana. After a journalist begins an investigation, Miley hides in the hills of Tennessee where she develops a romantic relationship with her father's childhood friend Randy Travis. While there, she debates over whether to follow her preteen side or her slut side. During a performance, Hannah removes her clothes and reveals herself to be Miley, announcing she's quitting pole dancing. But the audience convinces her she can do both, be a preteen and a slut. The 100,000 concert goers all promise to keep her secret. Then, in the movie's climax, they join her onstage for a gang bang. She returns to Hollywood and continues her career and double life.
(We won’t list any other movies in the series, because some of the stars are still underage).
Preteen Slut on Television[edit]
While TV has been filled with preteen sluts since “Fellatio Starlett Theatre” or Uncle Miltie’s Play House (1948 - 1953), which was later revived by Pee-wee Herman, only a handful of series are regarded as official Preteen Slut Rip-offs. These are Lost in Space (1965 - 1968, which starred Will and Penny Robinson as a loving brother and sister, and which some claim was the actual inspiration for movies V and VI); The Brady Bunch (1969 - 1974, which starred The Brady Bunch); and any television series with the word “family” in the title.
Preteen Slut on the Internet[edit]
As a search for preteen slut on any search engine (other than Yahoo) will yield over 12 billion hits, we won’t bother listing any sites.
Preteen Slut in the Future[edit]
The future of the series is in grave doubt due to increasing controversy over its content. As one anonymous critic said, "Watching hour after hour of preteen girls engaged in explicit physical acts is disgusting. When on earth are they going to stop promoting this trash, and start showing more films featuring preteen boys?"