Protest Warrior

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“At first your Mother protested.... But I soon had my way with her.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Your Mother Protesting
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Protest Warrior.
Proof that Protest Warrior never check their history books because of their deluded beliefs.

Warhawks strikes again in America. The so called Protest Warrior is a pro-war counter-protest political group (endorsed by warhawks like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh) who routinely "beats up" anti-war protesters whenever any anti-Iraq War protest springs up. Of course, they aren't really beating up protesters, they just simply create their "operations," or counter protests. Sadly, The operations they launched ended up having their asses humiliated whenever they launch their operations. They also have their own signs that hold lots of contradictions because the people who did the signs failed to check their social studies textbooks (as well as showing certain things linking to socialism, which is all bullshit). Their official motto is: "Fighting the left... doing it right." However, they never do anything right, only attempt to humiliate the anti-war pundits and protesters and end up humiliated instead.


Here are all of the operations that Protest Warrior launched, all of which had failed. Protest Warriors launched a total of 500 operations over the last 4 years, but let's just go over four of them to save time:

Operation: Wolverines[edit]

Operation Wolverines (a.k.a. Operation X-Men or Operation Magneto) was the first failed operation by Protest Warrior in 2004. The operation took place from San Fransisco and Los Angeles to Chicago, New York City, and Mars as they attempt to convince people to support the war and "expose" A.N.S.W.E.R. (a.k.a NAMBLA or North American Man/Boy Love Association), an anti-war protest group. During the operation, Protest Warrior noticed A.N.S.W.E.R. were waving Canadian and Palestinian flags and using American flags as napkins. Protest Warrior, with sheer nationalistic fascist fervor, decided to burn the Canadian flags in front of A.N.S.W.E.R. and brought a giant rocket launcher sending 125,000 victory rockets (25,000 rockets were launched per each city) onto the A.N.S.W.E.R. protest rally. The police then later arrested 500 Protest Warrior members and sentenced them to decapitation. [1]

Operation: Hail to the Chief[edit]

Operation Hail to the Iron Chief (a.k.a. Sieg Heil Bush), launched on January 20th 2005 A.D., shown the entire world the Protest Warrior's Nazi ideology and their intent on killing Jews. Gil Kobrin, a member of Protest Warrior and a homophobic anti-Semite, beated up two Buddhists and constantly shouted, "Negociate, negociate, you asshole!!" Then, a pacifist hippie from the D.C. Anti-War Network (a.k.a. DAWN or Pimps who love Dawn) told Gil to leave, but he refused. As punishment, 25 liberals shoved a lots of snowballs into his mouth. Later, Protest Warrior responded by hurling cardboard boxes, lingonberry pies, and soda cans onto anti-war protesters. Those bastards. [2]

Operation: Tiger Claw[edit]

Operation Tiger Claw (or known as Operation Tigger Claw in Canada) was the first operation held in a high school. The operation was led by Templar_Crusader (the guy refuse to reveal his real name because of Protest Warrior policies of having their members be called by code names) who led his fellow comrades of fascism to put up 500 8 inch by 11 inch signs across the high school to piss off liberal teachers and students. Later, the Protest Warrior high school student set fire on the principal's car and got their asses caught. All of the signs that they have put up where burnt to shreds and the entire school now views him as a "bigoted racist asshole" (which he is). Templar_Crusader was eventually expelled out of school because of his expression of hate on Arabs and gay people. [3]

Operation: Liberty Rising[edit]

A typical Protest Warrior beating another fellow Protest Warrior member.

Operation Liberty Rising (a.k.a. Operation Hey Liberals, Shut the Fuck Up [4] [5]) is one of the most violent counter-protests that Protest Warrior has launched. During the "Heil the Glorious Dictator Bush" Republican National Convention in Madison Square Root of 666 Garden in New York City; 200,000 anti-war protesters marched through the streets of New York and confronted by police officers, U.S. marines, and 200 Protest Warriors. At first, the protest was peaceful until a Protest Warrior threw rocks at an anti-war protester. Eventually, the protest became a mass riot where Protest Warrior threw grues, cats, meat pizzas, and pie into the peaceful protesters while the police brought in a a cute little red-orange chick to make protesters adore it, only to get their asses burninated. Luckily, no one got killed in the protest (well except for that poor bird).

Protest Warrior's bullshitted claims on connections to socialism[edit]

Protest Warrior have many bullshitted claims and connections to socialism. These claims are well noticed in their signs and in their fucked up website and forums. They made claims that gay marriage, abortion, health care, Islam, liberalism, Democrat party, environmentalism, Buddhism, pacifism and Canada. Of course, all of these claims have been debunked by none other than Oscar Wilde. No socialist country and this damn world supports abortion and same-sex marriage (although they have don't laws against homosexuality doesn't mean they support gays). Liberalism is a whole total different concept and Islam is definitely not leftist (in reality, Muslims are pretty much socially conservative). Rise Against band members believe in liberal ideologies, NOT socialist ones. Their so called claims are based out of their delusions and the guys who made these claims are either high on weed or flunked in their social studies classes.

The well-known Protest Warrior signs[edit]

Extra Links[edit]

The Protest Warrior website