Punk

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Two punks demonstrating how Sid killed Nancy

Legs Mc'Neil first coined the term punk. The Ramones were the first punk band. Those who know choose not to believe. Adam Ant invented Hardcore Punk. Lord Crust made the sub-genre crust punk. Sid Vicious and Bob Dylan had a baby named folk punk. One fateful day when an oak tree fell in the woods, they carved a bass out of it. Tomas Kalnoky invented ska-punk.

Punk music was invented by blink 182 in 1997. In America. It was invented for idiotic teenage poseurs.

[edit] The Subgenres

77-punk- Punk music that sounds like a bad ripoff of the Sex Pistols. Unless it actually is the Sex Pistols, who are in reality all idiots who were being played by Malcolm McLauren the band manager.

Hardcore punk- Hardcore punk is all about trying to appear as a "hard" guy. However, if you are from a white suburb, how tough can life be? That's why most hardcore bands, sooner or later, turn to some weird extremist ideologies - communism, veganism, incest, whatever - hoping it would grant them instant street credibility. While this posturing might scare preteen girls, it doesn't make up for not being around in 1977. Also, it doesn't matter what ideology these idiot subscribe to, as it all just sounds like badly played metal with some overweight guy dressed in black and puking into his mic.

-SUB SUB GENRE! Anarcho Punk. like hippies, but angry instead of stoned (they may be stoned too, but this doesn't stop their anger). THere has only ever been two anarchopunk bands that existed for more than a week, and that is Crass and the ridiculously prepubescent girl sounding Anti-Flag. All others broke up due to being insane, or became Crustpunk/Stenchcore. they blame The State, Capitalism, and Patti Smith.

-SUBSUBSUB GENRE! Crust Punk , also called stenchcore. seeing as all the anarchopunks never bathed, they eventually got smelly and sick, causing their music to become less logical as introduced to things to punk which no one liked: metal and being able to play, and their vocals to sound like a puking retard screaming for his drugs.

-SUBSUBSUBSUB GENRE! STREET PUNK Streetpunk are punks that think there from the hard streets, but are just a bunch of suburban white guy that get there mommies to buy them $120 bondage pants and too much time of how "punk" they look. like spending an hour doing their liberty spikes. They usually have fake british accents and pretent it's jolly ol'england back in 1980.Everyone hates these posers. They eat shit because its punk and know that its a sick sick world.

Pop-punk- Unsurprisingly, the above mentioned hardcore punk kids realized they weren't cut out to be punkers. Soon, the music they played became more emotional and mellow. By the early nineties, you could hear bands such as Blatz whining about their non-existent girlfriends and the occasional ill-feeling towards the government. According to Blender, this is the true and only remaining progeny of the punk revolution. Just like Uncyclopedia, Blender and Rolling Stone never lie. This genre of music does not even deserve the title of punk, there are no similarities at all.

Straight-edge- Is making a life long commitment to yourself to abstain from all forms of drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. And in most cases in general any type of mind altering substance. Other sxe people believe in taking it as far as no promiscuous sex, along with living a vegan or vegitarian lifestyle as well.

Emo According to a few diehards, emo originated in DC and was a more melodic branch off of hardcore punk. Emo music is characterized by it's whiny rants about failed relationships, saccharine sweet poppy hooks, "I'm so hardcore" posturing," and androgynous bordering on female appearance. According to the infinite foresight and wisdom of Oscar Wilde, the gravy train will end sometime in 2008, and Pete Wentz will subsequently end up on the dole. He also has prophesied that Policy of Three and Hoover will reunite with slickly produced mainstream bids soon after. Good riddance!

D'Beat Bands formed around a secret ideology discovered when one beats ones head against something (possible a government building or police person )to the same rhythm as the drum beat favoured by the band Discharge. Often Ex metal fans who having grown disillusioned with the teachings of the metal gods KISS and their martyred son Dimebag Darrel have discovered the underground world of pre heavy metal punk noise to which they now slavishly cling.

Ska Punk Street punk attitude, with horns and extremely happy music. They happily celebrate how much they hate their job and their hometown. They have a dance known as skanking. They skank for about nine hours a day, up and down a select street. Then, they sing about this as a bad ass experience. Its the the most lulzy shit a human being will ever witness in their lives. Basically the best genre invented if you're a douche.

[edit] Lifestyle

“Before punk, I was known as Oscar Milde.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Punk

Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame, Flame Flame Flame Flame (Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame Flame) go flame yourself, flamer.

“For No Particular Reason Beat Up Everyone”

~ NOFX on Punk

It is a well known statistic that punk rockers make the best early childcare and education providers.

[edit] Punks have an irrational fear of money, similar to the way a caveman fears fire.

"I hate you, Dad!"

Such words uttered by nearly any member of the punk subculture, almost all of those involved have an issue with their parents and/or whole family. One particularly punk rock individual was Chris Benoit, who took it to the next level by.. well.. ya know.

Another attribute of the typical punk rocker is to bathe as little as possible. Women in particular adopt this attribute then take it even further by letting their body hair grow to lengths that rival even the hairiest eastern European men not unlike their arch-nemeses,the hippies who from the time of woodstock have also grown their body hair.

Often times they choose the lifestyle of a homeless person, even though they have a cell phone and a credit card backed by their rich parents tucked away deeply in the depths of their ragged clothing, possibly sewn in behind a band patch and defaced with magic marker.

[edit] Future of Punk

"NOOOOO FUTUUURRRRRRRREEEEE NOOO FUTTTUUUURRREE FOR ME!"

Such were the prophetic word of the Sex Pistols, Punk's former God, now reduced to the level of patron saint. The incredible insightfullness of this analysis pissed off their peers, Crass, who were jealous because they played their instruments even worse then Sid Vicious after a shot of heroin and a "quickie" with Nancie Spungen. In their frustration, they postulated that "punk was dead." From such, we got the competing vision:

"Yes that's right, punk is dead
It's just another cheap product for the consumers head
Bubblegum rock on plastic transistors"

The Exploited, Britain's finest punk band to come after The Sex Pistols, prepared their eloquent rebuttal. Called "Punk's not dead," it explained in uncertain terms why punk was a thriving and still relevant genre of music:

"Punk's not dead, oh no it's not"

Supposedly, the song had a few more lyrics, but nobody seems to remember them. I think the other words were too large. Crass never conceded defeat too their rebuttal, and so this argument continues to this day, only framed around whether poserish pop-punk bands like Blatz and emo bands like Rites of Spring represent a continuation of the punk rock lineage.

"The Whole pumpin' Planet is a Big Punk Rock"

British band Bus Station Loonies, formed in 1957 out of former members of Disorder, Oi Polloi and UK Subs and with a collective age of 763, are the only tangable future of punk. Yep, no future, we're doomed.