Purple People Eater
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“It had one long horn and one big eye!”
~ Oscar Wilde on the Purple People Eater
“Don't eat me!”
~ A random night elf on Purple People Eater
[edit] History of the Purple People Eater
The Purple People Eater was first seen at a carnival, where it apparently landed in a tree after terrorizing onlookers with its horrific one-horned, one-eyed visage. After landing in a tree, it was interrogated by a terrified reporter who reported later that the Purple People Eater dined on purple people three times a day, had a gruff voice, and was consumed with an intense desire to join a rock & roll band.
[edit] Physical Appearance
The typical purple people eater has one long horn and one big eye. The eye is evil. The horn can transform into a trumpet at will. It may or may not be purple. It bears a horrific resemblance to Oprah. It has been rumored that they may be blood relatives; however, the thousand nations of the Oprah! empire descended upon the rumor spreaders, and it has been snuffed out.
[edit] The Feast of Purple People
Purple people eaters apparently engage in a massive festival biweekly in which large quantities of purple people are consumed. These purple people are usually either night elves or human beings wearing colored sunscreen. The purple people eaters prefer the former, since the latter leave a strange aftertaste.
During these festivals, purple people eaters typically sing, dance, and pretend to be more menacing than they really are. At the festival's conclusion, they drink a large quantity of wine, and polymorph random blades of grass into rabbits, thus perpetuating the myth that rabbits reproduce at warp speed.
If anyone sees one of these festivals, he is immediately abducted by aliens called Sectoids, who are in league with the purple people eaters. The Sectoids trade the purple people eaters all the purple people they abduct, in exchange for Grateful Dead albums.
Gnomes have been known to storm these feasts in pursuit of the rabbits, which they use as motor oil.
