Pwn

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Pwn is an essential component of 1337$p34k. Many believe that is an acronym for "pathetic work, n00b," but it is derived from the Latin pvvnnare, meaning "to huff kittens". In Old French it became pvvner, and the word was brought to England by William the Conqueror. It underwent change during the next thousand years; for example, in an early draft of Hamlet, Shakespeare wrote, "To pwnne, or not to pwnne; that is the question."

In modern times a rumour has arisen that pwn was a typo of "own". This is a lie.

PWN as a noun is a Person with Narcolepsy.

  • I pwn j00 n00b translates to I emerged victorious, though the match was long and my opponent skilled.
Sometimes a Literate Pwning is a good thing.

Taking care of your pwn[edit]

Aside from most peoples beliefs, your pwn is delicate and needs constant care and nurturing. Sadly, many players take this beautiful expression for granted, and cause it to die. Here are some tips for keeping your pwn in tip top condition:

Step 1: Keep out of reach of noobs. 

A noob should never be kept in charge or handle a pwn, because they have little experience in such fields, resulting in misuse and death of the pwn. If you know a noob who is in possession of a pwn, insist strongly that you take care of it until they become 1337. If he/she refuses then you will have to use force to obtain the pwn, and even use your own pwn on them if necessary.

Step 2: Be equipped with the necessary tools. 

A pwn should only be put into full use if you are equipped with lead armour, a trusty two handed blunt object (hammers, spades, nearby children etc.) or sizeable weapon/appendage, and a level high in status. Keep in mind that your pwn becomes more effective when complimented with a respectable social status. Please remember that only some of the more experienced, high- leveled members of the society such as Frank Zappa can execute a fully successful pwn without the appropriate equipment, and it is highly advised that players lower in level do not try to attempt such an operation.

Step 3: Keeping your pwn in shape. 

Your pwn needs regular exercise or it will wither away and die. Your pwn likes to go on pwnings, three to two times a day, with at least an hour's break between each pwning. Level 50- 60 pwns like to pwn upon noobs, 10 or more levels lower than the user. Level 61-70 pwns like to pwn players with equal or close to (two levels difference at most) levels to their own, preferably with similar equipment. Level 80 and above pwns enjoy a full scale war, with 5 or more 1337s with matching levels and equipment, either against an extreme monster (Dragons, revenant trolls etc...) or another clan. Your pwn likes to eat the fresh blood of a freshly pwnt noob.

Step 4: Taking care of your pwn. 

It is vital that you do not use your pwn in excess or inappropriately, because if you do so, it will cause the joke in your pwn to "get old", resulting in death of the pwn. For example:

 <JJrox>: My mum just got diagnosed with cervical cancer
 <Noobsrus>: PWNT!
 <JJrox>: No, srsly!
 <Noobsrus>: PWNT!
 <KK3x25o>: Yay! I got lvl 13 fishing!
 <Noobsrus>: PWNT!
 <ChickenGuy2>: Whaaaaah!!

Please remember to only be holding your pwn right before the optimal time to use it, if you are holding your pwn before this time, this could result in accidental, unwanted use of your pwn. For example:

 <DiggiDog>: Buying coal! Press 111
 <Z3z1Ma> PWNT111!
 <Z3z1Ma>: Aww... ****
 <DiggiDog>: I reported you!
 <Z3z1Ma>: PWNTWhat? Why?

With these steps being appropriatley acknowleged you should have a flourishing, healthy pwn in no time at all!

About pWNing[edit]

Pwn or pWN is one of the most important factors in modern computer gaming and the key factor in determining just how 1337 a gamer is. As any 14 yo male can tell you, it sux azz to get pWN'd and that only n00bs should ever get pWN'd. If you don't know that already you must be an über n00b. Equally important is having the ability to pWN others. pWNing and getting pWNd are the driving factors for many young men, and the only thing worse than getting pWNd by someone younger than you is getting pWNd by a chick or fairy boy. if this occurs, get help immediately, for you may enter a coma of embarrassment when this fact is discovered by "friends".

Phoenix Coyotes Winnipeg Jets get pwned!!!111

pWNing[edit]

pwnt.

To properly pWN in most video games it is often necessary to spend many hours a day, several days a week getting pWNd yourself until you can swipe your daddy's credit card and go out to eBay and get yourself better gear. Once you are properly outfitted you can go look for n00bs in the chat room and challenge them to a game or duel. Finding the right n00b is über important as getting pWNd by a n00b is almost as bad as getting pWNd by a chick, but not quite. N00bs are easy to spot as they generally want to trade for n00b gear or ask obviously stupid questions, like how do you upgrade an item or how to finish a quest (if they were 1337 they would have already read the hints web pages or gotten a cheat guide).

Once you have your n00b in hand, you should first test the waters with some simple kills. If things are looking up for you, start hot-dogging it and pulling all the dirtiest tricks you learned after the first time you got pWNd. On FPS games it is important to learn all the best snipe spots and then camp out while the n00b runs around trying to find you. It is essential that you never weaken your resolve and allow yourself to be killed, a proper pWNing requires that you inflict the maximum level of embarrassment to the n00b you are pWNing.

pWNing can also be inflicted on non player characters and monsters in the game. This is best achieved by going into an area of the game that has become way too easy for your current level.

pwnage

pWNage may also be achieved by acquiring level 21

Getting pWNed[edit]

Donte Stallworth gets PWNED
  • Dude, you got your azz pWNd hard, what a n00b!
pawning a wall

pwned pwned once apon a time a brave sailor was declared mast er of pwned meaning of pwned is a qor dused in the oldened days whent the orses were ripe and the apples were hot and the men were PWNAGE PW PW PW PW ONGEEEE BONEED CHINKS



Kings get pwned!

How pWN came to be[edit]

  • I do say there, fairest of gentlemen, after that midnight burglary of your mansion and rape of your comely wife, you do seem to have been rather 'poned!

Pwn started back "in the day", due to the mispelling of the word "own" in online gaming.

The pWN Scale[edit]

The A scale (from 1 to 10) created by pwn specialists who felt that lemon party was boring and wanted to measure the pwning of noobs to a certain degree.

-1 A pwn that backfired
0. A non-existent pwn. A pwn that may have been planned but never executed, or maybe just a pwn that simply never existed in the planning or execution stage.

  1. Just an ordinary pwn, like headshot or tripped over a stick in front a group of people.
  2. A better kind of pwn. This time it might be a headshot 3 times in a row, or tripping in front a large crowd of people or inflicting harm upon themselves in a retareded manner.
  3. A kind of pwn that you would only see once a month. It can also be a planned pwn, which forces the target into exile.
  4. A pwn that causes injury to a person, such as falling of a tree or drowning.
  5. A pwn that you will remember for a looooonnnnnggg time. Just like Leeroy Jenkins or severe injury.
  6. A fatal pwn that you will remember for the rest of your life, and also may turn you emo. Pwns that are like getting your face sat on by an elephant, decapitating your testicles by accident, or having Mountain guitarist Leslie West break his guitar on your head while climbing up to do a Stage Dive.
  7. Another fatal pwn which can end your life. Becoming emo is gurenteed. This is when you get run over by a truck twice...forced to perform goatse or getting sparta-ed by Leonidas.
  8. A pwn that will end ur life, not instantly but it will....like getting ur ass bit off by a shark, headshot in real-life or goatse tortured
  9. A pwn so pwning, your life will end instantly...too pwning to describe...this is the biggest pwn a human can achieve
  10. A pwn that can only be executed by a PWN GOD, so pwning that it may wipe out life on Earth
  11. The only pwn which the PWN GOD can only perform once while ending his/her immortal life. It was used 1.9 trillion years ago. (also known as the big bang)
  12. The greatest pwn of all, acts as the "nuke" for pwn gods. Destroys every single thing known that ever existed. Ahhh your about to get pwned just by reading this.
  13. Two words: Chuck Norris.
  14. Jack Bauer

pWNing Throughout History[edit]

Pwned!
Godzilla pwned MechaGodzilla (Kiryu or PwnedU).

While the term is generally associated with modern video gaming, the term pWN can be traced back to the book of Exodus in the Old Testament.

  • "And Mick Jagger spoke, let my people go or me and the boys will pWN your sorry asses back to the stone age, we're going to fucking bury you, we have done it before, and we will do it again. We're going to fucking pWN your pharaoh ass!" --Exodus 13:37

The term was widely used throughout the Bible and can be found in the stories of Saddam and Osama, David and Fatso and of course the Tower of Wacky Speech Impediments. It had a small falling out during the dark ages since everyone was dying from chicken pox and no one had the balls, let alone the brute strength to pWN anybody.

There was a great revival of the word with the discovery and colonization of I Can’t Believe It's Not Asia. The new European invaders took it upon themselves to pWN everyone in sight, all the while screaming at the tops of their lungs "What you aint got steel yet, man we be pWNing your n00b asses". This went on for a couple of hundred years before it backfired on them at the battle of Run Over By Bulls.

  • "yo, white face, who be pWNing who now, bitch" --Chief Slow Jogging Cow
Pwned agian!

It was quite a blow to the Euro-American psyche, and the only thing that could be done was to go back to killing each other instead. This new trend was a real hit in the late 19th century and early 20th century where an estimated 421 billion Europeans got their asses pWNed by super-model Annie Hitler and her posse. Unfortunately Truman Bot crashed the party and put an end to the carnage.

The good old days seemed like they were over forever until a heroine addicted monk named Oddari came up with the world’s first video game, Unreal Tournament 2004. During the first demonstration in a smoke-filled bar in lower Manhattan a local historian took up the controls and quickly defeated his opponent, exclaiming, "Damn yo! You got your azz pWNd hard bro! What a n00b!". The rest, of course, is history.

  • recently Pwning was ruled as the chief process by which cattle are slaughtered in America

How to pronounce Pwn[edit]

God was pwnt by this image!

Pwn is pronounced many ways, the most common, pewn, pwen and powned. Pawned is also a common pronounciation of the word. Those people that say "poned" are dumbasses as that makes no gramatical sense.

It is a common mistake to pronounce the word with a "p" sound, such as "poon", "poan", or "pone". Those who do this must be swned (pwnt with a stone). This is one example of the bastardization of Pwn. Mocking bastardization of Pwn is quite satisfying. Mocking n00bz that mispronounce the word (found live in modern games with voice-chat, further exacerbated with available audio or video recordings) after pwning said n00b is the highest honor of the pwner. This equates to the mocking of the n00b that first made the unspoken mistake, bringing this creation into existence. Satisfaction is due primarily to the n00b's obvious lack of knowledge of Pwn's origins - thus proclaiming their n00bness to the universe. The n00bz who create such bastards bring destruction and ambiguity to the concept and to rightful pwnerz everywhere, including potentially the n00bz themselves if they get lucky and learnt enough.

Legend of the Pwn King[edit]

How the legend of the Pwn King got started no one knows. What we do know is around the time the word "pwn" came into frequent usage, n00bs started circulating stories around the internet of a gamer so incredible that he could not be beaten at any video game. There were rumors that this was no mere human but a cosmic entity that considered all the people of Earth mere n00bs to be pwnd. Possibly also the fabled and mysterious entity known as AAA.

His appearance changes with each telling of the legend but the most describe him wearing blue-grey chrome armor with a crown of the same style on top his head. He generally wears large boots and a bright red cape carrying a scepter with a lightning bolt shaped P on the top his first name is also rumored to be Randall.

As the legend goes, if enough n00bs gather in one place on November 11 (the n00bquinox), claiming they are 1337, the Pwn King will descend on the Earth to teach all humans the true meaning of the word PWN.

Other Usages[edit]

  • WeaPWN

A weaPWN is a weapon that is commonly used in PWNing. This includes the Rocket Launchers, BFG 9000s(BFGs in general), The Medieval Battle Axes, and ICBMs (Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile).

  • Harpwning
A Greenpeace pwn getting harpwnd

Harpwning is a sport native to Japan and Alaska. Parts of Canada enjoy harpwning too. It involves going out to sea with a harpwn, which is thrown into unsuspecting Greenpeace members. Greenpeace pwns prefer no longer to participate in harpwning after some embarrassing losing streaks. Being sore losers, they have tried desperately to put an end to the popular sport. Harpwning is sometimes referred to as whale hunting.

  • Pwnied

This phrase often get's mixed up with the word Pwn. Pwnied often refers to: A) Being Pwnd by a horse or Donkey. Often used in Rodeos and Horse love clubs. B) To be sexed by a horse or donkey. Often used, again, at Rodeos and Horse love clubs.

  • Stwned

The act of pwning someone with a stone (bricks are also acceptable).

  • Pwnt

Secondary past tense for Pwn.

  • Pwn music

A swedish pop band, L33tallica, has recorded the "Some kind ow Pwn" album. They sold 20 million of CDs in first weekend among all of l33t tr00 playaz.

  • PwnHole"

Playing the Foundation map on Halo 2 with only rocket launchers and hiding in the corner rooms waiting for unsuspecting n00bs to walk by. After tearing the n00b a new orfice with your rocket its mandatory to yell "PWNHOLE!".

  • Tpwn

Short for tera-pwn, or pwn * 2^40

  • Gibbing

A sub-variety of pwnage that occurs when you pwn someone so hard that all that's left of them is bloody chunks of ground meat (giblets).

  • Al CaPWNing

A method of pwning which was popular in the 1920s amongst gangs. Originated in Chicago (an important city in the history of pwnage).

If you fo any of these, you are a pWnR

The Pwn constant[edit]

Following extensive research involving n00bs, pew pew lasers, and cake, your mom concluded that ,where n is the number of n00bs pwned(N/s), k is the pwn constant (1337 N/s/W, and assuming that the n00bs pwned are absolute), and p is the power of the pew pew laser (W). When a graph of n00bs pwned against pewpew laser power is drawn (or if, for that point- feel free), it's a straight line with gradient 1337. It pwns n00bs on sight, and is fatal at anything less than 1337 metres away. And that's not counting the laz0rs...

See also[edit]