Pyramid Head
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“He indiscriminately slaughters, then brutally rapes people, especially mannequins, in that exact order?! I like this guy already!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pyramid Head
Pyramid Head or Toblerone Bonce is an extremely popular male dancer/stripper working at the Silent Hill male strip club, Boylesque. Tight ass cheeks, sexy muscles, open wounds and that pyramidal head... Squeeeeee...!!! Not to mention that eye-poppingly big object of his that makes all heads turn as he walks by - the Great Knife - it's no wonder that Pyramid Head is so hot with the ladies.
Pyramid Head has displayed sexual preferences in all directions from female to male to walking double mannequin legs and the occasional Grue. Though notorious for his S&M antics, he claims that none has ever resulted in death, "intentionally".
His favorite chocolate is Toblerone. Kawaiii...!!
Contents |
[edit] Pimping
Pyramid Headizzle as he is called in Silent Hill has butt-raped, stabbed, diced, sliced and slapped every hoe in Silent Hill OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND times. He is, therefore, PIMP MAZTER KING SUPREIM!!!
[edit] His dark side
Pyramid Head is also known to be pretty good at fucking killing people, so much so that even Chuck Norris would think twice before crossing him. But Keenan Jay could take him on no problem, he shot him, 'twas fun. One time, Kira tried to write Pyramid Head's name into the DeathNote, but this only pissed him off and resulted in Kira being *chopped*, for Pyramid Head's real name is "Xxchillybrandana, Fangasmic Oreo the twenty third." Speed is a bit of an issue whenever Pyramid Head has to lumber about his Great Knife, which looks to weigh a couple of tons. Taking this into consideration, Chuck Norris can still take PH out if it weren't for the bloody big helmet. However, Chuck is fucked if Pyramid uses his pointed stick...POINTED STICK!!! He can also cause his Great Knife to spontaneously combust, which is good for burning great knife slashes (which always ignite and get criticals) but cause linolium flooring to explode and can burn down any type of forest, even Forrest Gump. So, in the words of Sonic The Hedgehog, "That's no gooood."
[edit] Ways to really die by Pyramid Head
- Get knifed by the Great Knife into three pieces
- Get skewered by a pointed stick in the back
- Have your clothes completely ripped off followed by your skin
- Get raped by the Great Knife
- Get raped by Pyramid Head's head - Ouch!
- Fall off a rooftop and get skewered on Pyramid Head's head
- Buttsecks
- See what is under the helmet and die
- Get tentacle raped by his random tentacle
- Get crucified and then split apart by PH's knife
- Call in Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick out of existence in both space and time.
- Get FREAKY WITH Pyramid heads, bobble-head nurse.
- Choke on his fist.
- Get raped by his foot.
- Get your throat slashed by his head.
- Get stabbed in the heart by the Great Knife.
[edit] Famous last words
Having been generally observed, anyone who ever gets killed by Pyramid Head always get to say their last words, and anyone around to hear them will forever have those words engraved into their heads and eventually into history. Chuck Norris can't die, so he is an exception.
So, here they are:
| Person | Last words | Response |
| chuck norris | "GRRAAAHHGG!!!!" | left alone... |
| Squirtle | "This makes no fuckin' sense at all!" | Decaptivated |
| Unknown | "Fuck!" | Chop |
| Paparazzi 1 | "**camera shot**" | Chop like a panda |
| George W. Bush | "YOU WMB!" | Chop like Obama |
| Chandra | "dadasi jidasf jioadsj hf apjda jiaff ihfaof jidas ji oadsa nmge woew ji qw@k madn ka xxx_chandra1122_love_me_xxx@hotmail.co.in daw qow nkdawq raiew aw uha jop! xxxxxx" | lol. daso ierja nkegtpwk owqej qiw noew iajwoe nkl Chop@hotmail.com adojpw nkda opj. |
| Doctor X | "Your head is....." | Fire a sperm indicriminately at his office. After that set 500kg C4 bombs and lock his house while he got raped by filthy cockroaches. 5 seconds later, chop them off, and let them blast. |
| Desperate | "Darn, I die a virgin....I think?" | "Yah, you die a virgin." Chop |
| Pimp | "Where's my money bitch" | Ass raped to death with roll of quarters, Chop |
| Unknown | "Just don't rape me." | Rape. Chop |
| Clint Eastwood | "Do ya feel lucky?" | Chop
"Yes, yes I do." |
| Admiral Ackbar | "It's a trap!" | "It's a Fap!"
Ass rape, turn his neck 360 degrees, then facepalm into beartrap. |
| Unknown | "Please don't hurt me!" | Chop
"Like that was going to work!" |
| Unknown | "I HAD YOUR MUM!!!!" | Ass raped to death |
| Captain Vidal | "tell my son when I died." | ".....No, HA HA" Beats with a bottle to the face, then shoots through the head with his own pistol. |
| Captain Vidal's son | "Goo goo, gaa gaa" | Stamp, feeds to the Pale Man. |
| Japanese School Girl | "Kawaiii!!!!" | "...ok, time for the clichéd answer to this problem."
Generates penis shaped tentacles from under helmet, followed by 3 days of vigorous tentacle rape. Chop. |
| Unknown | "AAAAAAAAA!" | "BBBBBBBBB!"
Chop |
| P | "Piss Off!" | "You didn't have to be so mean!"
Runs away like a girl. Comes back to chop. |
| Shoop Da Woop | "Ima Chargin' Mah Lazah..." | "Ima Hackin Ur Fornums!!!!!"
Hacks Forums, causing Shoop to have a seizure which leads to a stroke and death. |
| Unknown | "Oh noes!" | "Oh yeses!" Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Raep, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape and more Rape. |
| Unknown | "PWNED" | "You mean PWND, dumbass."
Chop |
| Captain | "For great justice!" | Alien death ray extends from the top of his helmet, disintergration. |
| H.S. | "Save me Jebus!" | "No."
Chop |
| Mick Dundee | "That's not a knife. This is a knife." | "Uh, no... that's a spoon. Now, THIS is a knife!"
Ass-rapes with said spoon, chop. |
| Steve Irwin | "OMFG, Crikey!" | Stab right through the heart, then melt him with the flaming Great Knife and form the remains into small crocodile-shaped pieces. |
| Neo | "There is no spoon." | "But there is a fucking knife."
Epic, Chop Time fight. |
| Dr. Octoganopus | DR OCTAGONAPUS!! | PRYAMID HEAD!!!1!!1!
Chop. |
| Unknown | "I swear, I'm not black, man!" | Chop, smears face with charcoal |
| Unknown | "We come in peace." | "You leave in pieces."
Chop |
| Milla Jovovich | "Can you get me some water? Or soda if you have it." | Gives soda. Have an epic sword fight, resulting in total pwning of her. Stripped naked, then deep tongue kiss each other while fucking each other senseless, then ties her down, locks her in a house and burns it down. Sheds a little tear at their short but intense relationship. |
| Unknown | "Pyramid Head, I am your father." | "That's not true! That's...improbable!"
Cuts off hand, stabs through chest then slices in half and throws remains into flaming river of molten piss. |
| Yakov Smirnoff | "In Soviet Russia, ugly as fuck is YOU!!" | "Shut up!"
Removes helmet causing instant death. |
| CATS | "All your base are belong to us!" | "What you say?"
Chop |
| Dr. Robotnic | "PINGAS!!!!" | "Its PENIS, Dipshit. I would have accepted PENISH as well."
Tears off penis, causing Robotnic to kill himself because he has lost his purpose in life. |
| An emo. | "Leave me alone!! !" | Duplicate himself, then stare the poor boy to death. |
| Unknown | "Is that a knife or are you just happy to see me?" | Poke. |
| Hank Williams | "Hey Good-Lookin!" | Hacks manaicaly to death while playing "Die MF Die" On ipod. |
| James | "Have you Seen my Wife?" | Show picture of brutal ass raping. Chop. |
| Samuel L. Jackson | "SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more god-damn time." | "...What."
Brutal ass rape. Chop. More brutal ass rape. |
| Captain Falcon | "FALCON PUNCH!" | "FAILCON DIE!!" Punched so hard in face that his head explodes. |
| Shamil Basayev | "You are a Russian infidel! DIE!!!" | "Yavol."
A$$ torture with a feather to death. |
| Ottacon | "Snake? SNAKE?? SNAAAAKKKKEEEE!!!!!" | "Snake? OH, right!"
Force-fed to a large python. |
| Medic | "Get on ze point dumcoff!" | "Whatever you say."
Brutal A$$ rape. Kills with knife, then plays violin on it as a tribute. |
| King of Hyrule | "Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi..." | "I'm not your boy!!"
Facepalms into concrete block repeatedly until dead. |
| Rick James | "What did the five fingers say to the face?" | Chop
"I'm Pyramid Head, bitch!" |
| Lil John | "YEAHH!!" | "OKAY!!"
Chop |
| Phoenix Wright | "Objection!" | Chop. "Overruled." |
| Akon | "Konvicted!" | Catapulted him to Chernobyl. |
| Eminem | "Hi there, ugly as 5H17!" | Hacked into meatballs with flaming Great Knife, catapult him to where he catapulted Akon. |
| Britney Spears | "Hiya, sexy muthafucka!" | Shaves head, force feeds 40 gallons of beer, lets her fans do the rest. |
| Chris Crocker | "LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOONNEEE!!!!!" | "NO."
Beats to death with Britney. |
| Ganondorf | "YOU MUST DIE!" | "No".
Throws into hell. |
| Stray Kitten | "...mew..." | Strokes, but his huge muscular hand crushes the kitten, emo cry. |
| Your mom | "OMFG TAHTS HUGE!!!!!!!!!11111111" | "...yep."
Deep throats. Severe assrape. Chop. |
| Nana | "Nana hug?" | "XD WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahaaa...no."
Brutal buttsecks. Chop. |
| Soulja Boy | "YOU!!! Open your mask!" | Removes the pyramid, Soulja Boy instantly fills his pant with crap.
He runs away, but he gets run over by a tank. Chop. |
| Deirdre Barlow | "Oh Mike!" | "I'm not Mike."
Death by nicorette. |
| Leonidas | "This is Spartaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" | "No, This is SIILLEENNTTT HIIIIIIIIIIIILL!!!!!!!11"
Kicked in crotch so hard that his balls come flying out his mouth. |
| Vladimir Putin | "I luv Call of Duty 4!!!" | "Great, I like it too!"
Tickled on A$$ with a feather of death, blow his face off with a muzzle loader and then throw an LPG tank at him, and it explodes. Resurrect him using Phoenix Wright's Downer, A$$ rape him with the Great Knife and, finally, catapult him to Kwaralumpa. - useless of course, nobody can kill His Infernal Presidential Majesty. |
| Whore | "Thats gonna cost you 50 big ones if you wanna do that..." | Pays up, Death by buttsecks |
| Jesus | "Oh my Dad, not again! | Chop. Crucification, this time Jesus gets a nail thu the dick as well. Butsecks while hanging on cross. |
| Soulja Boy, (he came back for more) | "YOUUUUUU!!!!" | "....Go away!"
Shot to hell. |
| You,<insert name here> | "I like his hat..." | Stabbed with pointed stick in the spine, causing paralysis. Dragged from computer desk, stripped naked, tied to a chair, and forced to watch Youtube Poop for 3 days straight, followed by another 3 days of watching tentacle rape porn. Then, while you whimper for a merciful death, have a drill rammed up each nostril while being butt raped. Shot in the back of the head with an AWP just as PH is a cumming into your anus. |
| Boba Fett | Didn't say anything; used his flamethrower on PH. | PH caught on fire, but then he hugged Boba Fett, causing instant death. |
| James Sunderland | "Leave us both the hell alone!" | Attempts suicide after long minutes of useless running. |
| Ike | "I fight for my friends." | "And I kill your friends!"
Kills all of Ike's friends, chop. |
| Chris Benoit | "Not until I break your neck first" | "Haha yeah right" Chop on Benoit's back and copies the crippler crossface and makes him tap out to death. |
| Achmed the dead terrorist | "SILENCE!! .." | "i kill you ?? . and its SILENThill"
pulls bones apart and skull Fucks. |
| Bill Ritch | "Giant enemy crab.." | "Perhaps I'll hit your weak point...for massive damage!"
Does real-time weapon change, and epic chop. |
| Cher | "Let me sing one last song!" | Chop, chop and chop again before he could sing. |
| Harry Mason | "Have you seen a little girl? | "With short, black hair who just turned seven? Yeah."
Slapped to death with the little girl. Twice. |
| Captain Price | "Check yer corners!" | "Check this, bitch!"
Shaves off mustache with Great Knife; Price flees, having lost the source of his power. Chase down, chop. |
| Zoey | "I'm callin' Pyramid Head bullshit on that, you know? Hes not ALLOWED to be so sexy!" | "Why thank you!"
Feeds to witch, tank, 3 hordes, and boomer in that order. Chop. |
| Prinny | "Dood, that knife is insane, dood!
Dood, what's that thing on your head, dood! Dood, are you like a superhero,dood! Dood, what's your secret identity, dood! Dood, tell me, dood, I can keep a secret, dood!" | "Just remember you asked for it, dood"
Removes pyramid from head. Prinny goes kamakazi in 0.00000000000014295325 seconds after removal of pyramid. |
| Vegeta | "OVER 9000!!" | Chops into OVER 9000 pieces. |
| Voltar | "I WILL COME BACK AS AN EVIL SPIRIT!!!" | Gets his skull caved in with a club. |
| Scott Rastomair | "Well, I knew this would happen sooner or later" | "This is for not updating the comics quick enough"
Chop, then realises what he had done as now the comics cannot be updated... at all. |
| Mr. Burns and Smithers | Burns: "Smithers, who is that triangle headed fellow?"
Smithers: "Um thats pyramid head sir, he kills and rapes people, he's applying for the human resources position" | "On second thought I think I'll apply for the boss position."
Chop, violent ass rape on Smithers, chop, takes all of Burns' money, making him disintegrate into dust. |
| Unknown | "I see great defeat in your future" | "I see great pain in your future"
Rape with crystal ball, chop with shards of crystal ball. |
| Gay person | "I heard about your mean streak, you can do what you want to me" | "Uh... Ok"
Grabs the faggot by the hair and face plants him into Your Mom's cesspool called a vag, thus drowning him. |
| Mel Gibson | "You can take my life, but you can never take, my FREEDOM!!! | "With what I'm about to do, I'll take both your life and your freedom.
5 years of non-stop rape, chop. |
| The Undertaker | "You will, Rest... In... Peace..." | "You will, Rest... In... Pieces..."
Chopped into millions of pieces and fed to cats. |
| Pyramid Head's wingman | "Pyramid head. You, me, bar, hot chicks, lets go." | Gets drunk, rapes hot chick, rapes wingman's chick, rapes wingman, chops both chicks and wingman. |
| Iron Chef Morimoto | "My knife is swifter and tastier than yours" | "Let the chopping begin!"
Lightning fast chops, dices, and rolls into sushi rolls. |
| Michael Jackson | "I love children" | "I love to cut you"
Anal rape, chop |
| Paris Hilton | "That's Hot" | "You're Not"
Chop, With no rape because no on would want to bang that bitch. |
| Mr.T | "Ready to get your hands dirty ma nigga!?!?!?!?!?!!?!" | "S.T.F.U.T.I.L.L.U.D.I.E."
Chop. Before he unleash the horsepower. |
| Donnie Darko | "Why do you wear that stupid pyramid suit?" | "Why do you wear that stupid man suit?"
Rips skin off, just like that fundie bitch from the movie. |
| Kool-Aid Man | "Oh Yeah!" | "Oh No!"
Chop, making Kool-Aid Man smash. |
| Rich the Richy | "Yes Yes" |
Vacuum his trillion dollar bills from his vault, cram them into his asshole and navel just as anal rape. |
| Paparazzi 2 | "**camera shot**" | "Am I famous among these filthy mosquitoes?"
|
| Dolph Ziggler | "Hi, I'm Dolph Ziggler" | "Hi, I'm Pyramid Head"
Chop, rips out voice box. |
| Mudkip | "You liek me???????" | "I like you to die!
He used thunderbolt and Mudkip dies |
| Shoop Da Whoop | "Amma Firi'n Mah Lazer!" | {Pyramid Head}"BLAAGH!"
Direct Hit!Critical Hit!4000 Hp Shoop da Whoop fainted |
| Unknown | "AAAAAAAAAAAA""BBBBBBBBBBBB""CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC"DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD"EEEEEEEEEEE" | "????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Chop.Chop.Chop.Chop.Used [[Rocket Powered Anti-Tank Grenade Assault Rifle Missile Launcher Nuke {No hit to user}]] Critical Hit! |
| Billy Mays | "HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH KABOOM!!!" | "You shittin' me?"
Bombs plane. |
| Cory Ledesma | "Team with me and together, we can screw and rape videogame fans all over the world." | "I'd rather screw and rape you."
Chop, rape, chop. |
| KKK member | "Fuck you nigger. I hate you smelly head bitch. Be more like human. You tasteless nuisance." Chop | Lock him inside a cage with 200 uncivilized naked male niggers who are raged of hunger over 10 years. |
| Your children | "You basta..." | Ass rape, navel rape, eyeball rape, cocksuck and chop & drill his penis/vagina so it cant have mastrubation anymore. Its a good education. |
| Waluigi | "WAAAAAAALUIGI!" | Left alone. Don't fuck with Waluigi. |
| Billy Ray Cyrus | "Please don't hurt me. My mullet is to awesome." | "I'll rape your heart, your achy breaky heart... by god, now I'm doing it."
Rapes his heart, chop. |
| Billy Ray Cyrus haters | "Finally, he's dead. Can you kill Miley now? | "No, I'll kill all of you now."
Mass rape and chop. |
